Out Of Reach
by Hank's Lady
Summary: Seth's story as he worships from afar a boy that everyone else would prefer for him to avoid. Written from Seth's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:- I don't own any of the characters, just borrowing them from Ms Meyer, although a few of my own will crop up from time to time.**

**As per the summary, this is rated M for language, violence and sex (slash) so don't read if you don't like. And if you do like, I value every review so don't hold back :o)**

**I'm writing from Seth's point of view.**

CHAPTER ONE

My fourteenth birthday was a Saturday and when I woke up a year older and looked out of the window at the sunrise, I wasn't much happier than I had been the day before. Fourteen didn't seem any better than thirteen really. My friends were all older and I constantly felt like the baby of the group, particularly when Leah, my sister, who was already nineteen, taunted me with it which was something she did often. I loved her like crazy, of course I did, but she annoyed the hell out of me too with her teasing or over-protectiveness vying for the upper hand.

Leah was dating Sam who was also nineteen. Most of the kids in La Push looked up to him in one way or another. He was tough, but decent and would help out anyone who was in a jam. Everybody else usually flocked to his place on the weekends and hung out, eating him out of house and home and infuriating Leah because she never got him to herself.

Jared and his girlfriend Kim were usually there, along with Jake, Embry and Quil. Those three had practically been joined at the hip since they were babies, Jake and Quil being cousins and having taken Embry under their wing in a way, since he was half Makah rather than full Quileute like the rest of us and often felt like he was an outsider. All of them were sixteen, so I didn't feel at quite such a disadvantage with them around.

Jacob had been my hero since I was a little kid; he always had time to talk to me or fool around or help me with my homework and when he came out right after New Year and started dating Embry, I only admired him more. I had begun to realise I was gay around the same time, although I would never have dreamed of admitting to it then. I doubted Mom and Dad would have been happy and Leah would probably just taunt me more than usual, saying I was too young to know or something like that. So I kept it to myself and took comfort from the fact that my idol and his lover would be on my side if and when I plucked up the courage to tell them.

Quil hadn't been hugely impressed by the development between Jake and Embry, only because the trio of friends then became a couple and a spare part, leaving Quil pretty much out on a limb with everyone else paired off. He didn't mind spending time with me, but I still always got the feeling he would rather be hanging out with guys his own age. A lot of the time though Jake and Embry were still with us unless they had actually gone out together somewhere.

I had tried making friends at school, prompted by Leah telling me she was sick of having her baby brother hanging around her all the time, but it just didn't happen. I didn't fit in with the younger kids - I was too shy to talk to the girls and the boys didn't seem to want anything to do with me. There were a couple of young guys - Collin and Brady - who I got on reasonably well with, but we didn't really see each other outside of school. So I continued spending my time at Sam's and the hell with Leah.

There was one other guy, Paul, who was in some of Jake and the others' classes, who would come over occasionally and hang around, usually if Sam and Leah were cooking a barbecue. He would never say no to free food, but I wouldn't have said he was friends with any of us except maybe Jared who seemed to be able to tolerate him.

Paul was always in trouble at school - not doing his homework, turning up late, fighting with anybody and everybody, usually about nothing. He had been suspended for a week for getting a tattoo for his sixteenth birthday, but in the end the school had to take him back; it wasn't like he could have gotten rid of it and when the head complained to his father, Mr Lahote had only laughed, he being the one who had done the inking. He owned the tattoo studio in Forks, rode a huge motorcycle and was quick with his fists and he was proudly turning Paul into a younger version of himself.

Paul had always intimidated me with his aggressive behaviour, foul mouth and apparent determination to laugh at everyone's misfortune. However, there was one unfortunate aspect about him which scared me more than everything else put together. He was hotter than hell with his dark and fearsome good looks and rapidly growing muscles and I dreaded him ever catching me looking at him. He would probably kick the shit out of me and consequently when Jake warned me to stay out of his way I had no problem in agreeing at once.

I thought about all of them as I stared out of the window, wondering what was in store for me that day. I knew the guys were planning something. They seemed to think I'd be delighted to reach fourteen, when in actual fact all I wanted to do was skip a couple of years and catch them up.

I sighed heavily and chewed my lip. In addition it would be my first birthday without Dad. He had died of a heart attack just three months ago and I had been completely devastated. I adored my Dad, but with him gone I couldn't help feeling that I was supposed to step into his shoes and be the man of the house. That was pretty laughable, but I made a damned good effort to do everything I could to support Mom and Leah, all the while bottling up my own grief rather than letting myself give in to it and cry like the kid I was. I had always been happy and positive, but this last few months had been totally crap.

My lower lip trembled and I sank my teeth harder into it determinedly and leaned my forehead on the glass, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. I wondered if Dad was watching me from somewhere and what he thought. Was he proud of me? Would he still be proud if he knew I was gay?

I seemed to be dwelling on that more and more just lately and I knew I would have to say something sooner or later. It was only two weeks ago that Leah had tried to hook me up with her friend's little sister for some outing to the movies with another couple our age. Apparently the other parents would only agree if four of us went. I went because I suppose I was influenced a lot by Sam and Jake and I liked to help people out, but I spent the entire afternoon cringeing and trying to keep my distance from the silly giggly thirteen-year-old Louisa with her strange hairstyle and coloured braces and annoying eagerness to hold my hand.

"Seth!" Leah bellowed a moment later. "Are you staying in bed all day?" She followed this up by banging her fist on the door half a dozen times and I turned away from the window reluctantly.

"Yeah, I'm up!"

"Well, get out here! We got presents!"

I pulled on my favourite brown sleeveless sweatshirt with the hood and a pair of jeans and reluctantly opened the door.

"Happy birthday!" cried Mom and Leah immediately and I glued a smile onto my face and gave them each a hug.

"I hope you got me something good!" I exclaimed, knowing it was expected.

"Cheeky brat!" Leah cuffed me around the head and punched me in the arm. Sometimes I could quite cheerfully have laid her out if only I had the strength in me to do it.

My gifts were actually pretty decent; at least they didn't treat me like a kid as they usually did. Mom gave me a card with money in it, saying she thought it was about time I chose something I really wanted and Leah gave me a couple of CDs by my favourite bands and a sleeping bag. That puzzled me at first, until she added that all the guys were planning to go camping that night and I was invited.

"Are you serious?"

Leah had been camping every other weekend throughout the summers since she was sixteen and the others all had too recently. I hadn't managed to go on one trip yet, always being deemed too young and Mom worrying that I would get in trouble or hurt myself or something else equally ridiculous.

"Yeah," Leah grinned. "You, me, Sam, Jake, Embry, Quil, Jared and Kim and a couple of Kim's friends. We're going to hike up into the hills, pitch some tents, have a campfire, cook some hotdogs, the lot."

"Yes!" I punched the air. Ok, maybe this birthday was going to turn out good after all. "When do we leave?" I demanded.

"Right after breakfast," Mom said. "Pancakes ok?"

"Yes, please."

"We're going to walk over to Sam's and he's driving some of us to the foothills in his truck. Jared will drive as well and then we'll leave the trucks there and hike up," Leah told me. "Sure you're up for it, squirt?"

"Do you have to keep calling me that?"

"Sorry, keep forgetting you're _almost_ grown up," she smirked.

As soon as breakfast was over I went to take a shower, grabbed my backpack and shoved various things into it - spare socks, my iPod, a bag of chocolate covered pretzels, some gum, my toothbrush, a towel and a few other random items, then I pulled on jacket and boots and hovered impatiently by the door while Leah marched from one room to another with a list in her hand, collecting an impossible amount of essentials she couldn't live without for one night. Her backpack was consequently twice the size of mine and she gave me her sleeping bag to carry as we walked to Sam's.

Sam and Jared's trucks were parked side by side in front of the house when we got there, Sam's already holding a substantial stack of canvas wrapped items which I recognised as tents. People milled around, Kim and her two girlfriends, Jessica and Bethany giggling and fooling about, Jared and Quil packing more things into Jared's truck. Leah went to kiss Sam hello and Jake came over and gave me a bear hug.

"Happy birthday, little brother!"

"Thanks, Jake."

"I got you something." He let go of me and handed me an untidily wrapped brown package. "It's from Embry too."

I ripped off the paper eagerly. Jake always gave cool gifts and this one was no exception - a game for the XBox Mom and Dad had bought me for Christmas. I had been dying to get my hands on 'Battlefield 2' since it was released in April and now I had it.

"Wow, thanks, Jake!" I cried. "I wanted this for ages!"

"I know," he grinned.

"Hey, Embry!" I bellowed, spotting the other boy stepping out of the house. I hurtled at him and almost knocked him flat in my excitement. "Thanks for the game!"

"You're welcome. Happy birthday." He grabbed me in a headlock for a minute and pretended to punch me.

More gifts followed - vouchers for the video game store from Jared and Kim, the Star Wars DVD Trilogy from Sam and a book on Quileute legends from Quil. I had always been fascinated by the old stories about where we came from and he admitted to having driven all the way to Port Angeles to fetch the book.

"Don't you have the Internet at your house, Quil?" I teased. "Thanks, man."

I stashed the gifts in Sam's house until we returned from the trip and fifteen minutes later we set off. Sam drove his truck with Leah and Bethany in the cab and me, Jake and Embry sitting in the back amongst the tents, while Jared took Kim, Jessica and Quil and the rest of the gear. It took maybe a half hour to reach the spot where we planned to leave the trucks and then everyone loaded up with baggage and we set off along a trail through the forest which gradually rose higher into the slopes of the mountains. It wasn't long before Jess and Bethany were whining about being out of breath, their bags being too heavy and their feet hurting and I couldn't resist snatching up a worm and waving it in Bethany's face as she stumbled past me.

"Getting hungry?" I giggled.

She let out an ear-splitting scream and threw her bag at me, which I somehow managed to dodge while I bent double laughing.

"Seth, for God's sake, will you grow up?" grumbled Leah. "You moan that we treat you like a kid. Now, why do you think that is?"

"Oh, shut up, Leah," I grinned. "We're supposed to be having fun here." I picked up Bethany's bag and handed it to her, throwing in a brief apology. She glared at me and marched off.

"Seth, please, don't annoy people," Leah said.

"Alright, keep your shirt on."

I charged ahead and caught up with Jake and Embry who were always in much better humour than Leah, even if I did my best to wind them up. We continued up the path for maybe ninety minutes until the ground levelled out and the trees parted to form a large clearing on the edge of a creek.

"Are we camping here?" I asked as Jake dumped the tent he was carrying on the ground.

"Yeah, this is the usual spot," Embry said, shooting Jake a sly smile.

I wondered how many times they had been up here without the others and guessed it was quite a few. I smirked and offloaded my backpack and the other bag of equipment I was carrying.

"Hell of a lot of gear for one night," I commented. "No one ever think of sleeping rough?"

"I think some people would prefer to be under canvas," Sam said. "You can always sleep out here if you want, Seth."

I glanced up at the sky which was typically overcast. "Nah. Maybe not."

Sam laughed. "Why don't you help me start putting this tent up?"

"Sure."

It took a couple of hours to get the camp site set up. Leah pitched in as usual and Kim unpacked bed rolls and sleeping bags and collected stones to place in a circle to surround a camp fire, but the other two girls stood watching and complaining about the damp, the strange forest noises, the wild animals and the lack of a bathroom. Why they had even agreed to come on this trip, I couldn't guess - except maybe for the fact that Bethany couldn't seem to take her eyes off Quil's butt when he was bent over hammering in tent pegs. I grinned to myself and wondered if I could use this observation to embarrass her later.

Finally everything was set up and Kim filled a pan from the creek to heat over the fire Jared was lighting in order to make coffee or chocolate for whoever wanted it. I was allocated a space in the tent which was also to be occupied by Quil and Jared. Leah and Sam shared one, Jake and Embry had another and Kim and her two friends took the last one. I pulled my boots off, sprawled on my sleeping bag and sipped chocolate, thinking that so far it was probably the best birthday I'd had in years. I could even put up with those two dumb girls squealing over everything that crawled, scurried or flew.

We all ate some snacks and then I went off exploring with Jake, Embry and Quil, leaving the others at the campsite. We climbed higher into the mountains, laughing and fooling about until eventually a combination of the colder altitude and hunger drove us back to the others. Sam and Jared had already started cooking weiners over the fire while the girls split bread rolls and dug out ketchup and mustard and a surprising number of bottles of coke and beer. Needless to say they wouldn't let me have beer, which kind of sucked since all of them were under the legal drinking age but thought it was ok for them to do it. Still, I wasn't going to let it spoil my day. I was having too much of a good time to worry about whether I could drink beer or not.

We were just finishing the food when we heard footsteps approaching and several of us turned to look at the newcomers.

"Oh, no," I heard Leah mutter. "What are they doing here?"

I looked over my shoulder as Paul Lahote and two guys I didn't know strolled into the clearing, all carrying camping gear. Paul was wearing tight black jeans, a thin sweater that only emphasised the muscles in his arms and hiking boots. I glanced up at his face and was surprised to see a grin upon it. I don't think I'd ever seen him smile. It lit his whole face up and he had perfect teeth. I bit my lip and turned away again, studying the bottle of coke in my hand and hoping no one had noticed me looking at him. Sam and Jared got up and went to speak to him and I heard him introduce his two friends as Jason and Steve. They had planned to camp overnight too and went to set up on the opposite side of the clearing. The one named Jason kept looking over at the girls and after a few minutes Kim, Jessica and Bethany all retreated into their tent. The rest of us piled more wood on the fire and sat around it on various pieces of fallen tree we had managed to collect, ignoring the other guys as much as possible. Paul and his friends had apparently brought a good supply of beer with them and proceeded to work their way through it, gradually become louder and more obnoxious as time went on and darkness fell.

"Ignore them," Embry said to me. "Don't let them spoil things."

"Oh, they're not bothering me," I shrugged.

They were bothering me. Or at least Paul was, if only because I had to force myself not to keep looking over there to see what he was doing. Why I had to go and like someone like that was beyond me. He was trouble, he was intimidating and he was straight so if I had any sense I would just put him out of my head. But that was impossible.

"Fucking fag!"

We all jumped as the drunken yell came from the other side of the clearing and the three figures who were now barely visible in the dim light offered by a sliver of moon lurched to their feet. More shouting, a lot of it unintelligble, and the sound of fists hitting flesh.

"What the hell?" Jared said, getting to his feet. Jake and Sam got up too.

"Those dickheads, I might have known they'd cause trouble," Leah grumbled. "Seth, get in the tent."

"No, I want to see what's happening," I protested.

"Do as you're told, will you? For once!"

"Fuck off, Leah, you're still out here and you're a _girl_," I growled.

"And a damn sight tougher than you!" she spat, jerking me to my feet.

"Get off me!" I yanked my arm free and backed away. "You always treat me like a fucking baby!"

"You behave like one! And stop swearing!"

"Leah, will you calm down?" Sam put a hand on her shoulder and Embry came over to me. I watched in alarm as Jake, my hero, strode across the clearing towards the fight and disappeared into the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Sam immediately stepped away from us and followed Jake. We could barely see anything, but we heard voices, mainly Sam's, demanding that the other three calm down and be quiet or take themselves somewhere else. It was maybe five minutes before he and Jake returned to report that Paul's two drunken friends had decided to pack up and go home, leaving him there by himself.

"What were they fighting about?" asked Leah.

"You heard what one of them said," Sam said quietly. "It's sorted anyway, don't worry about it. You alright, Seth?" He reached out and ruffled my hair and for once I didn't complain.

"Yeah. Fine," I said and turned to go back to the tent.

'Fucking fag'? Which one of them had said that? Was it Paul? It could have been any of the three; they had too much beer and their voices were rough and angry so I hadn't been able to recognise it. But the episode only confirmed my fears that he wouldn't appreciate it if he ever caught on that I liked the look of him and I resolved to put him out of mind and find somebody my own age. Eventually.

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly enough. Most of us squeezed into the largest tent, which was the one I was sharing with Quil and Jared, and listened to music from Sam's Iphone while playing cards and various other stupid games. A few people disappeared to their own tents after a while, most noticeably Jake and Embry who amusingly couldn't seem to leave each other alone. Quil was doing his best to chat up Bethany, who despite her apparent earlier interest in him - or at least his butt - now seemed only to be laughing at him. Kim and Jared kissed and cuddled in the far corner and Jess started squealing over a bug or something that had gotten into the tent. I excused myself and went out to take a pee.

"Seth, where are you going?" Leah demanded immediately.

"For a pee, damnit!" I snapped, instantly drawing giggles from Jess and Bethany.

"Don't go too far away," said Leah.

"Will you shut up?" I hissed. She was making me look like a fool in front of everybody and really I was only surprised she had lasted this long before doing it.

Leah just laughed and a moment later she and Sam emerged from the tent too and headed over to their own. I wandered off into the trees, relieved myself and then made my way back to the logs surrounding the remains of the fire which had now been stamped out. I sat down on the piece of tree trunk furthest from the tents and picked up a discarded beer bottle, wondering if any was left in it. I might at least get a couple of mouthfuls. I grinned to myself and lifted it to my lips.

The bottle was actually about a quarter full and I found one or two more like that nearby. Leah and Sam were now ensconced in their tent and nobody else seemed to notice or care what I was doing. I would sit there in peace and enjoy some beer after all.

"You planning on gathering up all of those and drinking the leftovers?"

The quiet voice came from behind me and I almost jumped out of my skin although I succeeded in not making a sound. My guts clenched and my heart began to pound. It was Paul. Why would he even talk to me? My mouth went dry and I licked my lips, wondering how to answer.

"What's it to you?" I grunted before I could stop myself. Great - wind up the one guy you don't want to get on the wrong side of. I hoped he would just shrug and leave me alone, or maybe laugh at me and then leave. I sat there clutching the bottle in both hands as if my life depended on it, waiting to see what happened.

He did laugh a little, but not with any malice. Then much to my surprise he sat down on the log next to me and stretched his legs out in front of him. My heart only hammered harder and I realised I was holding my breath.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" he asked.

I risked a glance sideways at him. Considering he'd just been fighting with someone, he looked pretty calm and actually friendly. His sleeves were rolled up and I could see the muscles in his forearms.

"Keeping out of everyone's way. Stupid squealing girls and my sister's driving me mad. She still treats me like I'm twelve," I said in a rush.

"Don't let her get to you. Sisters are like that; they like to get a rise out of you."

"Have you got a sister?" I asked.

"No, but my Dad has. He's like, forty, and she's five years older. She still treats him like he's twelve too."

"I'm surprised anyone would dare tease your Dad," I blurted out and then flushed in the darkness, glad that he couldn't see me. I hoped he wouldn't take it as a criticism.

"They don't as a rule," Paul said with a quick flash of his teeth as he grinned. "Only Aunt Pauline does. It's just a game, they love each other really. Hell, he named me after her."

"Leah's not that bad," I conceded. "She did bring me on this trip for my birthday."

"Sorry about the...um...fighting," he said then. "Hope we didn't wreck anything."

"No."

I was astonished. Did Paul Lahote seriously just say sorry to me? I took another drink and emptied the bottle, then absently picked up another.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you drinking's bad for you?" Paul said.

"Yeah, my sister. She's a hypocrite. This is probably one of hers." I gestured to the bottle and lifted it to my mouth. I was already feeling slightly fuzzy-headed and my fear of talking to Paul had vanished. If that was what beer did to you, then I liked it. I giggled suddenly and almost spilled the drink down my front.

"Well, your sister's right," Paul smiled. "Take it from someone who started drinking around your age. I wouldn't have been fighting with those two jerks if we had been sober."

"I thought you liked fighting," I said.

"I guess it probably seems like that."

I turned to look at him properly. He seemed so different from what I thought he was like; just a normal guy and not in the least intimidating. But if he could be like this, why was he usually so foul-tempered and always in trouble?

"Why do you do it then?" I asked boldly.

"Trouble just seems to follow me around." He turned his head and met my eyes suddenly. I stared back, frozen there as his eyes locked onto mine. I almost wished he hadn't started talking to me and sounding so nice because it was only making me like him more. I dropped my eyes quickly and looked at the ground.

A scream issued from the tent which was supposed to be mine and both Jess and Bethany exploded out of it, shrieking something about bugs. I sniggered and watched as they brushed themselves down, whining and saying they wanted to go home. Kim and Jared came out too and eventually persuaded them back inside. None of them seemed to notice me sitting by the remains of the fire with Paul.

"See what you mean," he said then. "Looks like you're going to have a fun night."

"Yeah, right."

I wasn't looking forward to going back to the tent one bit. I was supposed to be sharing with Jared and Quil, but the three girls seemed to have taken up residence in there now. I decided I would stay out a bit longer and then commandeer the girls' tent if they didn't move. I was quite happy where I was for the time being. I still couldn't believe Paul was talking to me.

We must have sat there another twenty minutes or so chatting quietly before Kim and Jared eventually emerged and went to the other tent, which looked like it meant I would have the company of Quil, Jess and Bethany if I went back. I sighed heavily and then looked up at the sky as a raindrop landed on my forehead. Even better.

"You better get inside," Paul said. "We're going to get soaked. See you." He got to his feet and made his way back to his own tent, leaving me there alone.

I stuck it out for a few more minutes, rescuing two more unfinished beers while I was at it, then went to stand under a tree. I really didn't want to go and put up with those dumb girls and thought if I waited a while until their whining voices stopped, maybe they'd be asleep and I could sneak in there without waking anybody up. I could still hear them now, complaining to Quil about the weather and asking him too loudly if the tent would leak.

"Seth! What the hell are you doing?" Paul appeared next to me, now wearing a waterproof jacket with the hood up.

"Oh...I was going to go in soon. When they shut up," I said, beginning to shiver. I wasn't sure if it was from the sudden drop in temperature and the water dripping from the tree down my neck, or whether it had more to do with the sudden reappearance of Paul.

"Do you want to come and sit in my tent for a while?" he offered.

"Oh...um...no, I don't want to bother you," I stammered. Maybe if I'd had a little more beer I would have had the courage to say yes.

"You won't bother me, I wouldn't have offered if I thought that. Come on, don't be stupid. You'll end up with pneumonia if you stay out here," he said.

"Yeah, ok." I pushed myself away from the tree trunk and followed him across the clearing, my heart beginning to pound again and my knees feeling weak. Why was he being so nice to me? I didn't get it and I began to feel nervous. What if he somehow guessed how I was feeling? I'd probably end up being the next person he fought with and I'd come off way worse than his two friends had.

I crawled into the tent, took my boots and jacket off and then backed out of the way as Paul did the same and zipped up the tent flap. He fumbled around in the dark for a moment and then a small lamp came on, casting a dim glow around the inside of the tent. He didn't have a sleeping bag I noticed, but a bed roll kind of like cowboys used in old western movies. It was spread out on a foam mat similar to the one I had.

"Do you want a drink or something to eat?" he asked.

"Have you got any beer?" I joked.

"I told you, drinking's bad for you."

"It's my birthday," I reminded him.

Paul raised an eyebrow and then much to my surprise, pulled out two bottles of beer from a bag, removed the caps and passed one to me. He produced some sandwiches and chips too and began to eat. I wasn't really hungry after the hotdogs and the butterflies in my stomach didn't leave much room for food, but I nibbled a few chips, wondering what Leah would think if she could see me now. I grinned to myself and then yawned. I didn't even know what time it was, but I guessed it must be getting pretty late and the beer was making me sleepy and dizzy.

Paul lifted his own bottle to his lips and chugged maybe half of it in one go, his head tipped back and eyes half closed. I could see his throat working as he swallowed and it suddenly began to seem awfully hot in the tent. I gulped and dropped my eyes away again. Damn, why did he look so good? I had to stop thinking that. I concentrated on my own drink instead and took a few more mouthfuls, despite knowing I was well on the way to being drunk. I didn't even want to think about how I was going to make it back to my own tent. I would probably wander right past it and fall down the mountain or something. I began to giggle at the thought and then couldn't seem to stop.

"Hell, Seth, look at the state of you," I heard Paul say as he reached out to take the bottle from me. "Give that to me. I didn't realise how far gone you were."

"I'm...fine," I mumbled.

"You're not fine. Your sister will go crazy; at me probably."

"I won't tell her if you don't," I snorted. "Anyway, she's too busy...with Sam to notice."

"Well, you better stay here until you sober up," Paul said with a sigh.

His smile had disappeared and my laughter dried up quickly. Damn, I made him mad and he probably thought I was just a stupid kid who couldn't hold his drink; which clearly I couldn't.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Don't worry about it, we've all done it. Just sleep it off, you'll be fine."

"Mmm." I stifled a yawn, my eyelids suddenly struggling to stay up. A few moments later I was lying down and a blanket was thrown over me. It was the last thing I remembered.

When I woke again it was daylight. My head hurt and my mouth was dry and tasted disgusting. I reached into my jeans pocket for the gum I knew was in there, keeping my eyes closed until I had shoved a stick of it into my mouth and chewed sufficiently to freshen myself up. Then I cautiously opened one eye and grimaced at the brightness. I couldn't even remember getting into my sleeping bag and I opened the other eye, then almost swallowed the gum in shock when I spotted Paul sleeping about a foot away from me. His head was resting on his backpack and the blanket from his bed roll was draped over both of us. I removed the gum quickly before I choked and stuck it in the empty chips bag.

What the hell had I done last night? I couldn't even remember. I scrunched my face up and tried to force something out of the fog in my head. Paul gave me beer...and talked to me. If I hadn't been lying in his tent at that moment, I would have thought I had dreamed it.

He was still sleeping and I couldn't stop myself staring. He looked peaceful, breathing evenly with his lips slightly parted, one arm resting on top of the blanket. He had taken his sweatshirt off and was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt which showed off the elaborate tattoo of a snarling wolf on his right shoulder - the one which had been responsible for getting him suspended from school for a week. I raised my eyes to his face again - rugged, handsome, russet coloured skin, thick lashes, firm looking lips. I would have given anything for him to kiss me.

Once the idea was in my head, I couldn't get rid of it. I imagined all kinds of scenarios where he would suddenly wake up, reach out for me and press his lips against mine, tease my mouth with his tongue, maybe slide his arms around me and hold me against his strong chest. I must be out of my mind; if he woke now and saw me looking at him with my tongue practically hanging out of my mouth, he would probably knock my teeth down my throat. Except that he seemed completely dead to the world right now.

"Paul?"

I hadn't intended to say anything, but I spoke his name without thinking. I knew I probably would have been better off just creeping out of the tent before he woke up. I bit my lip, my heart thumping unevenly, but he didn't move - not at all - and his breathing continued as softly and evenly as before.

"Hey," I said a little louder. "I'm gonna...um...go..."

Still nothing. He was really out of it. I don't know what made me do it - a moment of madness, maybe; or lingering effects of the beer; or a death wish. I leaned closer and brushed my lips against his, as carefully as I could so as not to wake him up. Then I edged away again, holding my breath, my eyes fixed on his face looking for some sign that I might have disturbed him.

His eyes snapped open and met mine and I froze. Oh, s_hit._ I just stared back at him, completely mortified and tongue-tied. I had to say something to explain myself.

"I...um...I...I'm sorry," I stammered, my face flaming. "I shouldn't have had so much beer."

To my utter disbelief, Paul laughed. "You're as sober as I am," he said. "How long have you known you're gay?"

"I...I don't know. Since before Christmas. How did you know?" I immediately cringed and almost closed my eyes so I didn't have to look at him. I must be brain-dead or something. 'How did you know?' Jesus.

"You mean aside from the fact that you just kissed me?" Paul smirked. "Takes one to know one," he added softly.

He was no longer laughing and the shock of his admission made me forget my embarrassment.

"No way. But I thought...last night, you were fighting with those guys..."

"It wasn't me who said 'fag', that was aimed _at_ me. Those two so-called buddies of mine are less broad-minded than I thought they were. I'm normally more careful who I tell things to, but I'd had too many beers. Let that be a warning to you. Alcohol loosens your tongue."

"Wow. I never would have guessed," I said.

"Most people don't. I intend to keep it that way unless I find someone I want to be with. My Dad doesn't know yet. So what about you? I'm guessing you haven't told your sister?"

"Nobody knows," I admitted. "I was going to tell Jake and Embry, but I hadn't gotten around to it."

"Good choice. Least you'll have them on side if Leah kicks up a fuss," Paul said.

"Yeah." I sat up suddenly. I could hear faint voices in the distance and guessed the others were waking up. "I should get out of here before they start looking for me."

"Sure." Paul threw the blanket aside and sat up too, stretching.

I reached for my jacket and then froze as his hand suddenly landed on my shoulder. My heart began to bang against my ribs again and my breath caught in my throat.

"You're forgetting something," he said.

"Um...what?"

His hand moved from my shoulder to my chin, cupping it and turning my face towards him. My eyes widened and I was too stunned to do or say anything as he leaned in closer to me.

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

His lips touched mine - a light caress at first, teasing and making me breathe in sharply in surprise. Not only had the least likely guy I knew turned out to be gay, but he wanted to kiss _me?_ Was it real? Or was I about to wake up and find myself alone and disappointed?

The tip of his tongue flicked out and stroked the inside of my upper lip and I shivered and closed my eyes. It was real. I didn't think it would be possible to dream up the sensations that were running through my body right now. I tentatively slid my own tongue out a little, touching his and then his mouth covered mine more firmly, lips crushing mine and his tongue thrusting in eagerly between them, the hand which gripped my chin sliding to the back of my neck.

My pulse sped up and I went hot all over as I lifted my hands to his neck and held on while he continued to kiss me, his free arm wrapping around my waist and scooping me closer to him as he continued hungrily assaulting my mouth, almost sucking the breath out of me. I heard myself moan from a combination of the heat of his kiss and the sudden uncomfortable tightness of my pants. My first kiss and I didn't want it to end.

I heard a zipper running down briskly and knowing it wasn't mine, wondered if he was unfastening his own pants, intending to take things further and yet...his arm was still around me, his other hand on my neck.

"Paul, have you seen...?"

It was Leah's voice and the zipper was that of the tent. As I jerked out of his arms in horror, she finished with a shriek.

"_...Seth!"_


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

"What the hell are you doing?" Leah demanded.

Her face was white and shocked and I guessed mine was probably red and equally shocked. My cheeks were burning and I avoided her eyes, and Paul's too as I grabbed for my jacket.

"What the hell did it look like?" Paul responded with a smirk.

"It looked like you taking advantage of my little brother!" snapped Leah, peering further into the tent. Her eyes landed on the beer bottles in the corner. "You let him drink too? What's wrong with you? Stay the hell away from him!" she exclaimed. "Come on, Seth. Mom will go nuts."

"Leave me alone!" I hissed, furious and embarrassed. It was bad enough having been caught in Paul's arms, but she was talking loud enough for everyone in the campsite to hear. I shoved my feet into my boots, tucking the laces into the sides rather than waste time tying them. All I wanted to do was run away from her, from Paul, from everyone. Leah had made me feel pretty stupid in my time, but none of it compared to this. Now all of them would know and before I was ready to tell them.

"You know, you should chill, you might enjoy life more," Paul said idly. "So might your brother."

"Drop dead, Paul!" Leah spat. "He's fourteen years old!"

"Yeah, so maybe you should let him grow up then."

Paul lowered himself back onto his bed roll and folded his arms behind his head. I didn't dare to look at him again. Instead I pulled my feet under me, barged Leah out of the way and burst out of the tent.

"I can't believe you did that," I said under my breath as she spun around to follow me.

"What? I was doing you a favour! How many times have I told you to stay away from him? He's a bad influence! Look at the state of you, Seth, you're hungover! And you were kissing a boy!" she said loudly.

"Will you shut up or at least keep your voice down?" I groaned.

Sam and Jake appeared from the trees nearby and I noticed most of the others were outside the tents now, probably looking for me. It was obvious they had heard what Leah said as most of them stared at me, two or three mouths dropping open.

"Don't tell me to shut up! I'm supposed to be taking care of you!" Leah cried. "And stopping you doing stupid things like...what you were doing."

Rather than just leave it, try to make her calm down and pretend nothing had happened, I lost my temper. Usually I would have let her carry on until she ran out of steam, but my head was killing me, my first kiss had been ruined by her catching me and then she finished up by telling everyone, whether it was inadvertent or not.

"I'm gay, Leah," I growled. "So stop interfering in my life, because you know nothing about it! You could have just talked to me about this at home, but no, you have to shout your big mouth off in front of everyone, don't you?"

"Wh-what?" Leah stammered. "What did you say?"

"Um..."

My brief explosion of anger vanished as rapidly as it had arrived and once again I was completely mortified. Why the hell did I say that? Now everybody knew what she said was true, when if I had any sense I could maybe have bluffed my way out of it. Or maybe not. I glanced around me, looking towards Jake for some much needed support, but his expression was one of horror rather than the sympathy I expected and I went cold inside. I had been so sure he would have supported me. He had always taken up for me, whatever I did, like a big brother even though we weren't related. And he was gay too, so why...?

Suddenly all I could think about was getting away from them all as fast as I could and hiding until it all went away. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, but since it wasn't likely to, I turned and fled. Tears of embarrassment stung my eyes as I ran through the trees and began to bound almost blindly down the path we had climbed up the previous morning.

My mind was racing and all I could think about was that everybody would be talking about me at school the next day, whispering to each other and pointing at me. And Paul...oh, God, he would go mad. He said he didn't intend for anyone to find out he was gay until he met someone he really liked. If anyone said a word to him about what happened, he would blame me and on top of that, he probably now thought I was just a stupid little kid.

"Oh, shit," I panted, grabbing at a tree trunk as my feet almost shot out from under me in the mud. "What the fuck am I going to do?"

"Seth! Hey! Wait up!"

It was Jake's voice.

"Leave me alone." I hurried on down the path, but it was only a moment before Jake grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to a stop.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. "You know you can talk to me."

"Yeah, I thought so," I said miserably.

"What do you mean? You know Embry and me would have been there for you."

"So why did you look so horrified back there then?" I asked him.

"It wasn't because you said you're gay, Seth. It's because Leah found you with Paul. He's bad news, I thought we told you that."

"Yeah, but it didn't stop me liking him," I sighed, relieved that he was at least partly on my side.

"Come on, walk with me." Jake continued slowly down the path and I kept pace with him. "Never mind about Paul for now. How long have you known you're gay?" he asked.

"Since about Christmas. I was going to tell you, probably after we got back from this trip. God, now everybody knows."

"I wouldn't worry about that; the guys don't gossip. No one's going to talk about you."

"But Leah will tell Mom," I groaned.

"Not if we get there first and you tell her. We'll easily beat them back; they still have to take the tents down and pack up, walk down and drive around by the road."

The idea of going straight home now to confess to my Mom that I liked boys didn't fill me with delight, but I had to admit it was a better option than Leah blurting it out in the worst possible way.

"I'll go with you," Jake added reassuringly. "Your Mom'll be fine, I'm sure."

"Ok." I nodded slowly. "Thanks."

We walked on briskly, talking as we went. Jake told me he had been just as scared as I was when he told his Dad he was gay and that he liked Embry, but it had all turned out alright. His Dad had supported him and so had Embry's Mom.

"What do you think my Dad would have thought?" I asked worriedly.

"He'd be proud of you, Seth," said Jake at once. "You knew him better than me, obviously, but I know he wouldn't have been disappointed in you for being honest about who you are."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Jake gave me a brief one-armed hug as we walked and I found myself smiling just a little. I realised he was probably right. I couldn't actually imagine Dad being disappointed in either me or Leah for anything; he had loved us both a lot and he never hid it.

"So, this thing with Paul," Jake said then. "How did that come about? He didn't take advantage, did he?"

"No, that's exactly what Leah thought. He didn't do a thing, we just talked, that's all. He was real nice; nothing like what you or anybody said. I started it... _I _kissed _him_," I admitted, blushing again. "He was asleep. But he woke up and I thought he'd probably hit me or something."

Jake chuckled, much to my surprise. "Don't you know it's a bad idea to go around kissing guys unless you're sure of at least a slightly favourable outcome?"

"Yeah, well, I guess it was a spur of the moment sort of thing. Did you know about him?"

"Yeah. Which is another reason for you to keep out of his way, aside from the fact that he gets into so much trouble. Seth, Paul doesn't do relationships or go on dates or anything like that. He just picks up guys every so often, has a bit of fun and then moves on and ignores them."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he tried it on with Embry once before he knew we were together. Em was having none of it, but we both know this other kid at school that Paul messed around with. If nothing else, at least stay away from him for that reason. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I doubt he'll want anything to do with me now, since Leah barged in making me look stupid," I grumbled.

I didn't let on how his words had already made me feel - disappointed, maybe upset even, despite knowing Paul already probably regretted getting anywhere near me. I kept thinking about what he had said to me, about not telling his Dad until he found someone he wanted to be with. So he obviously just hadn't found anyone he liked that much yet; it didn't mean he wouldn't or that he'd carry on behaving the way Jake said. I told myself not to be stupid, but I couldn't help just a tiny little jolt of excitement. He kissed me after all, didn't he? He must have liked something about me.

Immediately I found myself remembering what it had been like kissing Paul. It made my heart race, took my breath away, made me come out in goosebumps all over and had begun to turn me on. What might have happened if Leah hadn't spoiled things? Would he have touched me? Made me touch him? I shivered at the thought and bit my lip to stop myself smiling. Even if a kiss was all I got, at least I had something good to remember.

All too soon we were walking up to the house and the confidence I had gained while talking to Jake quickly deserted me. I hesitated at the door, chewing my lip and then suddenly Mom opened it before I had decided what I was going to say.

"Seth! Jacob? You're back early," she exclaimed. "Where's Leah and the others?"

"Still packing up," I said. "Mom, can I talk to you?"

"Don't be silly, Seth, you don't have to ask," she scoffed, ushering me into the kitchen. "I just made cookies; do you both want one?"

I eyed the double chocolate cookies spread out on a rack cooling - my absolute favourite cookies in the world - and shook my head.

"Not right now, Mom."

Jake helped himself to one, bit into it and nodded his appreciation.

"You're not sick, are you?" Mom said to me at once.

"No. Leah found something out about me today - in fact everybody found out - but I'm guessing she'll come blazing down here and make it sound real awful."

I stopped there, not sure whether to carry on and simply it blurt it out. Jake gave me an encouraging smile - with cookie crumbs at the corners of his mouth - and I couldn't help a smirk.

"Whatever it is, it can't be that bad," Mom said.

"I'm..." I paused again for a second. She'd be disappointed, I knew it. But it was too late now; Leah would be here in another hour. "I'm gay," I finished.

"Seth, you're so young," she said. "Are you sure?"

"Um..." I looked up at her face in surprise. She didn't sound upset or angry and she didn't look it either. "Yeah," I confirmed. "I've known about six months or so."

Mom stepped around her work counter towards me again.

"Have you talked to anyone about this?"

"Only Jake on the way back here."

"I won't pretend I'm not surprised," she said. "But I love you, honey, you know that. And I've always been proud of you. Come here." She reached out to give me a hug and I heaved an enormous sigh of relief.

"Love you, Mom," I said. It was something I hadn't said in a long time and now I wished I had. I backed away after a minute and sat on one of the stools in front of the counter where the cookies sat. I broke a piece off one of them and nibbled it. "Leah wasn't so understanding," I mumbled.

"What happened exactly?" Mom sat down on the opposite side of the counter and picked up one of the cookies herself.

"She saw me kiss someone and decided to shout about it so everyone else heard," I groaned.

"You're involved with a boy already?" She frowned slightly.

"It was nothing really, only fooling around," Jake put in. "You don't have anything to worry about."

"No, I doubt I'll even see much of him after today," I said, hoping I didn't look as disappointed as I felt.

"Is he someone we know?"

"Paul Lahote," I said barely above a whisper.

"Oh, Seth!" Mom sounded pretty alarmed now. "That boy's never out of trouble."

"It was nothing," I said at once.

"Don't worry, Ms Clearwater," Jake said, absently grabbing another cookie. "Seth'll be fine. He's got me and Embry to keep an eye on him."

"Yes, I suppose so. You're a good friend, Jake."

She seemed to relax a little and we sat there chatting for a while longer, the three of us slowly working our way through the still warm cookies. I was still surprised at how well Mom had taken the news, not to mention hugely relieved. The only thing I still had to worry about was going back to school. Jake had said no one would talk, but I wouldn't have put it past Jess and Bethany to whisper about me to their other friends.

Leah eventually returned about another ninety minutes later, complaining that everything was wet and everyone was bad tempered. She said nothing at all about what had happened before I left.

"You made it back ok, then," she said. "And ate all the cookies. Pigs!"

"Leah!" Mom scolded.

"Nothing else to say?" I taunted. I couldn't help myself now I was confident in my support.

"Like what?" She shrugged off her damp jacket and walked off to her room. Surprised, I followed quickly.

"You said you were going to tell Mom." I closed her door after us and leaned on it.

"Seth, do you really think I would have done that? I was just mad, that's all, and surprised I guess. I don't give a shit that you're gay. Hell, Jake and Embry are two of my best friends and I never had a problem with them. I just worry about you, that's all. I know you hate me saying it, but you are still a kid and I don't want anything happening to you. The likes of Paul taking advantage of you, for instance. He's an asshole; that's the only reason I lost it."

"He didn't even do anything," I told her. "He talked to me and looked after me when I was drunk. Most of the beer I had was the leftovers from the rest of you."

"He was kissing you!" she exclaimed.

"We were kissing _each other_. It wasn't any big deal."

Leah sighed heavily. "Look, I'm sorry for shouting about it and everything."

"You made me look a complete dick," I pointed out.

"I'm sorry," Leah repeated. "If it's any consolation, none of the guys will say anything about it. Unless Paul does."

"He won't. He doesn't want his Dad finding out."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, I suppose that's something. You're not intending to see him, though, are you?"

"No. Mom knows, by the way, I told her. She was fine. I was trying to figure out a way to bring it up for months. I was going to tell Jake and Em first, but I was worried what Mom and Dad would say."

"You know, Dad wouldn't have thought any differently about you if he'd known," Leah said, tears coming into her eyes suddenly. "He loved you too much to care about what choices you make. He'd have just wanted you to be happy."

"Thanks, Leah."

I was amazed and only more so when she suddenly grabbed me in a quick hug.

"And don't go telling everyone your sis has gone soft either," she said, letting go again quickly. "Go on, get out of here, I got stuff to do."

I left her to it and went back to the kitchen. Mom was starting on a new batch of cookies to replace the ones we had eaten and Jake was getting ready to leave.

"Aren't you staying?" I said, disappointed.

"No, I want to catch up with Embry. He just sent me a text; he's waiting at Sam's."

"Oh, ok."

"Come with me," added Jake.

"Uh...no, I think I'll stay here."

I didn't feel like facing any of the others again, but it took Jake less than a minute to change my mind when he pointed out I would only find things more awkward if I waited until school. We walked over to Sam's to find only Embry, Quil and Jared there with him. None of them were any different towards me than usual and the only one that even mentioned it was Embry, who merely confirmed what Jake had already said to me - that I could talk to them any time I wanted. I hung out with them at Sam's for most of the day, realising I had left my birthday gifts there before we went camping. Later I took them all home and immediately went to my room to try out 'Battlefield 2', which proved to be just as good as I had hoped.

In the morning, Jake, Embry and Quil turned up to walk to school with me, not leaving me until Collin and Brady spotted us and came over to join me. By the end of my first class I had stopped worrying that everybody would have somehow found out about me. The only thing which continued to make me feel nervous was the thought that I would run into Paul sooner or later and not know what to do with myself.

When the second class ended for lunch, Brady took off home as he lived about two hundred yards from school and I set off for the food hall with Collin. He wanted to hear more about my birthday camping trip and I focused on boasting about how much beer I drank rather than anything else. My head was turned towards him as we walked and when I faced forwards again, suddenly I found myself staring straight at Paul as he came from the other direction. My mouth went dry and my heart almost stopped. I should have avoided it, but I couldn't stop myself looking up at his face. His eyes were cast down and it didn't seem as if he would notice me, but just before we passed each other he looked up suddenly. His eyes caught mine for a second and the corner of his mouth twitched up into a hint of a smile; then he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Except for that one brief moment, I didn't see Paul at all during the last couple of weeks of school before the summer holidays. Because he had looked at me and given that tiny hint of a smile I kept hoping he might seek me out, but of course he didn't and each day I went home disappointed.

I had spent most of my time during the breaks with either Collin and Brady or Jake and Embry and when school finished, I decided to make more effort to keep seeing my school friends. Brady had just gotten himself a girlfriend so we barely saw him and since he and Collin had usually hung out together away from school, Collin seemed glad to have me to do things with. Sometimes he came over to Sam's with me and occasionally we went down to the beach or spent time at each other's houses.

It was about another three weeks before I saw Paul. He hadn't been over to Sam's any more since the camping trip and I had heard through Jared and Quil that he had finished with school and wouldn't be returning for the senior years. He had got some kind of job which his Dad had organised for him. I thought that was pretty cool, but Jared had scoffed that he imagined Paul would just end up some loser thug with no chance of a decent future.

That day I went down to the beach with Collin, intending to go swimming. Unusually for Washington it was blisteringly hot with not a cloud in the sky and both of us were keen to be out in the sun. We swam for a while, then wandered along the sands wearing just cut-off jeans, talking idly. For such a glorious day the beach was surprisingly deserted with only a few couples scattered about and one young family playing in the shallows. It was a Sunday so I would have expected it to be packed.

We turned and began to walk back, passing the outcrops of rocks which I had climbed up when I was younger, imagining I was some kind of intrepid explorer scaling the peaks of the Rockies. I smirked as I remembered it and then froze as I looked ahead and spotted...

"Isn't that Paul Lahote?" Collin said quietly.

"Um...yeah." I wondered if I sounded as strangled to him as I did to myself.

"I had no idea he was gay; did you?"

"Yeah, I knew," I gulped, fixing my eyes on the ground.

I walked quicker, suddenly wanting to get away from the beach. Paul was leaning up against one of those big rocks, kissing some boy, his arms fastened tightly around him, their bodies pressed together. I felt as if the breath had been sucked out of me and my stomach churned. I had been stupid to think he would want me, but I had still hoped and it hurt like hell seeing him with somebody else. I guessed what Jake had said was right after all; he just liked to have fun. Unless...he was dating that boy, planning to tell his Dad about him. I almost groaned aloud.

"Seth?"

"What?"

"Are you alright?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" I began to head up the path towards the reservation. I couldn't wait to get home and I wondered how I could get rid of Collin when we had already made plans to hang out for the whole day. Tell him I felt sick maybe?

"I don't know, you look like you've seen a ghost or something. Is it anything to do with Paul?"

Oh, shit. Why wasn't I better at hiding my feelings? I tried to think up something to say which wouldn't sound like bullshit, but Collin spoke again before I came up with anything.

"Seth...are you gay?"

"What makes you say that?" I avoided looking at him, but I knew I was going red; I could feel the heat creeping up into my cheeks and suffusing my whole face.

"I don't know; you looked really upset when you saw Paul kissing that boy; do you like him or something?"

God, had I really been that transparent? I considered whether to just say yes. He didn't seem particularly horrified by the idea.

"It doesn't matter, you know, if you are," he said. "I mean...I'm gay too, but I never wanted to say anything before; I thought you might not want to be friends with me."

I stopped walking and turned to look at him in surprise. I hadn't seen that coming.

"You're gay? Really? Well, why would you think I'd be bothered? Jake and Embry are like my best friends."

"Yeah, I suppose. So...?" Collin looked at me doubtfully and this time I just saw a confidante who maybe I could talk to about Paul without being constantly told he was bad news.

"Yeah, I am," I said. "Everybody found out on that camping trip I went on for my birthday. Leah shouted about it to everybody."

"Why, what happened?" Collin's eyes widened.

"She saw me kissing Paul."

"Woah, seriously? How did that happen? He's like, a real badass!"

Collin actually sounded impressed and my misery evaporated a touch. I began to tell him the whole story, starting with how Paul sometimes hung out at Sam's and I used to gawk at him when I thought nobody was looking; then his sudden arrival at the campsite, the fight and how he talked to me and then how Leah caught us.

"Well, he must have liked you," Collin said. "I wouldn't go kissing somebody just for the hell of it."

"Yeah, well that's just it - Jake said he does that. Fools around with people and then ignores them. It's not like he's spoken to me in the last...five weeks. He doesn't even come around to Sam's any more." I sighed heavily. "I'm just being a dick anyway. He's not interested in dating or anything like that."

"But you really like him," Collin stated.

"I'll get over it." I was determined I would. "So, is there anybody you like?"

"Um...yeah...kind of. I'm not saying who though."

"That's not fair, you know my secret," I protested.

"Yeah, but I don't want to tempt fate. I was...um...thinking of maybe asking him out or something." Collin reddened suddenly and I couldn't help laughing.

"Well, make sure you do tell me if he says yes."

"Yeah, sure."

He changed the subject then and much to my surprise, when we walked by his house a few minutes later he made some excuse about getting a headache and wanting to go in and rest out of the sun for a while. I couldn't help thinking it a bit strange and went over our conversation a couple of times in my head, wondering if maybe I pissed him off or something, but I knew I hadn't. I went home alone, quickly forgetting about Collin as images of Paul kissing that boy on the beach filled my head. I got the XBox out and spent several hours taking out my frustration on some virtual boxing opponents, trying in vain to stop feeling sorry for myself. It was such a wasted emotion on someone who didn't give a shit about me, but I couldn't seem to help myself.

It was a couple more weeks before I found out Collin's secret. We carried on hanging out together the next day as if nothing had happened and I concentrated on enjoying myself rather than moping. We saw each other virtually every day by then and Leah and the others seemed delighted that I finally had a friend my own age.

It was the middle of August now and we spent a whole day over at Sam's with him and Jared cooking steaks and chicken on a barbecue and everyone else playing a ball game on the large grassed area behind the house. Sam had brought his CD player outside, its power cable hanging out of the kitchen window, and was blasting out a selection of odd Sixties music which strangely suited the hot day perfectly. Later, stuffed with too much steak, I sprawled face down on the grass in the shade of a tree and Collin came over and sat down, leaning against its trunk.

"Seth...um...can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I murmured. "What?" I propped my head up with one hand and looked up at him.

"Do you want to...um...go out some time? To the movies or something?"

"Yeah," I said at once, wondering why he was making such a big deal of asking. We had been to the movies only a few weeks ago, with Jake, Embry and Quil. Then suddenly my brain clicked into gear. Collin liked me. That's why he wouldn't say when I asked him before. He probably didn't want to go and ask me out right then because I was moaning about liking Paul.

"You mean like a date?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah." He flushed and avoided my eyes.

For a moment I wasn't sure quite how to respond. I hadn't looked at him like that before and I wasn't sure if that was just because all I'd been able to see in my head was Paul. I thought about it now - how much fun he was to be with, how considerate of other people, how nice he looked with his shaggy black hair hanging in his eyes and a rather embarrassed smile on his face. Maybe it was about time I got it together and enjoyed myself rather than waited around dreaming that one day Paul would suddenly decide he wanted me after all. I'd probably die of old age first.

"You can say no, it's fine," Collin said then, chewing his lip.

"No. I mean, yes, I'll go out with you," I said quickly.

His grin reappeared. "Cool. How about tomorrow?"

"Ok. Do you know what's on at the movie theatre?" I sat up now and wrapped my arms around my knees. Suddenly I was excited. My first date.

"Loads of stuff. 'Miami Vice', the new 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie, um..."

"Let's see 'Pirates of the Caribbean'," I said at once. I had loved the first movie and seen it several times when it came out three years before. Leah had taken me to see it once and then I went with Jake, Embry and Quil two more times. "Jack Sparrow is really..."

"...hot!" finished Collin, giggling.

I snorted with laughter and reached out to punch his arm. Before I could pull my hand back again he had grasped it in his. For a moment I wasn't sure whether to laugh and snatch my hand back or not, but then I slowly turned it over in his and wrapped my fingers around it. It felt kind of nice and we sat there for a while, holding hands and talking. I almost forgot about the others until I heard Leah with her annoying loud voice saying, "Aww, look, Seth's got himself a boyfriend."

I pulled my hand free and turned around. I wouldn't let myself be embarrassed.

"Why don't you take an ad out in the paper, Leah, a few people in Forks didn't hear you!" I exclaimed.

"You know Mom'll never let you two out without a chaperone," she added.

"Leah, can it, will you? Leave him alone," Sam frowned.

"Told you she was a loudmouth," I said to Collin. "Shall we go down the beach or something?"

"Yeah, ok." He got up quickly and we began to walk away from the house.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Leah shouted after us.

I ignored her, but stuck my hand behind my back and gave her the finger just before we turned out of sight of the backyard. I almost expected her to run after us and give me an earful, but she stayed where she was. We spent a couple hours down on the beach, wading knee deep in the edge of the water and trying to skim pebbles on the calm surface. When dusk fell and we made our way back up to the reservation to go our separate ways home, Collin said goodbye and then paused for a moment before leaning in to give me a kiss. His lips were warm and soft and they caressed mine gently for a few seconds before he stepped back again and grinned at me.

"See you tomorrow."

He turned and left me and I made my way home slowly, thinking. I liked him and I liked the kiss, but I couldn't help comparing it to when Paul kissed me. That had lit a fire in me and taken my breath away. It still pained me that he obviously didn't want anything more to do with me and I told myself determinedly to stop thinking about it. The hell with Paul. He was out of my reach and I had someone else to think about now - someone who really did want me.

My cellphone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket to read the text message. It was from Collin.

'Can't wait till tomorrow. x.'

I grinned to myself and realised I was actually now really looking forward to going out with him. I began to tap out a reply with my thumb as I walked. 'Me too. x.'

The next morning Collin called me and we arranged to go into Forks early on the bus and get something to eat before the movie. I knew I would have to tell Mom what I was doing and although she didn't seem to mind, she did insist on us being picked up after the movie rather than catching a bus home from town around nine-thirty in the evening. I groaned, guessing she would appoint Leah who would no doubt completely kill the evening. However, she told me Jake could pick us up if it didn't put him out to do it and when I went to see him that morning and asked, he immediately said it was no problem. He took me into his room to chat to me and much to my mortification, began to talk to about sex.

"Jeez, Jake, we're only going to the movies," I grunted, my face flaming. "And you're picking us up after."

"Even so, you'd be surprised how fast things can progress when you're having fun," he said with a grin. "There's no need to look so embarrassed; somebody's got to tell you this stuff and I'm guessing your Dad gave you the birds and the bees talk about girls, right?"

"Hmm."

"I just want you to be safe, Seth," he went on. "It was like the third date with me and Embry and we had nobody to tell us anything beforehand."

"Yeah, alright."

I supposed he had a point. I had to wonder what might have happened with Paul if Leah hadn't suddenly interrupted us. I couldn't quite imagine myself having sex with Collin, but who knew? I went home half an hour later, my face still feeling hot and the condoms and small tube of lube he gave me almost burning a hole in my pocket.

The date itself was great. We took the five o'clock bus into Forks and went to Taco Bell to get food first. Collin insisted on paying for everything and I gave in after a brief protest although I made sure I beat him to the ticket booth at the movie theatre later and paid for us to see the movie. 'Dead Man's Chest' had already been showing for a couple weeks and although there were a number of people in there, it wasn't even close to full. We sat in one of the rear corners where nobody could see us and held hands, then proceeded to miss the last hour of the movie. Collin leaned over to give me a kiss and this time it was more than a soft caress. Our lips clung, tongues meeting and we held onto each other tightly, completely forgetting about Captain Jack Sparrow until the credits began to roll and the lights came on. Then we leaped apart, grinning. My jeans felt uncomfortably tight and when I glanced at Collin while we waited for everyone else to leave the theatre first, I noticed a rather obvious bulge in his pants.

By the time the other movie-goers had left, we were just about fit to be seen and walked out with hands shoved into our pockets. Jake was parked on the opposite side of the street in his Dad's truck and we hurried over there and climbed in.

"How was the movie?" Jake asked. "Did you see any of it?"

"Some," I said sheepishly and Collin sniggered.

"Sounds familiar," grinned Jake. Thoughtful as ever he kicked us out of the truck about five minutes from my house and ten minutes from Collin's, giving us ample opportunity for more kisses before we walked the rest of the way home.

I carried on dating Collin through the rest of the summer break and into the first semester of the new school year. We grew close fast and our friends and the other kids at school soon got used to seeing us holding hands and whispering together in the lunch breaks. After the first few days we began taking things further, but those condoms Jake gave me never did come out of the back of my sock drawer where I had hidden them. We jacked each other off at every opportunity and used both hands and mouths on occasion, but that was all. Collin didn't seem in any hurry to have sex and I wasn't impatient for it either, but I suppose at the end of the day we were still only fourteen and Jake's talk had made me pretty nervous. Then something happened that messed it all up for us.

It was November and the sky was turning grey with the approach of dusk when school kicked out. Collin and I walked home together, holding hands as usual. His house was nearer to school than mine and we kissed goodbye outside, he went in and I continued by myself. About a minute later, two older boys caught me up and began walking with me, one on either side.

"Alright, Seth?" one said.

I looked from one to the other and recognised the guys who had turned up on the camping trip with Paul.

"What do you want?" I grunted.

"Just thought we'd say hello," the one called Jason said.

"Yeah, it's about time we had a chat," added Steve. "Little fag!"

"Leave me alone," I said.

"You know, I don't think we will. We're fucking sick of seeing you and your fag friend smooching around at school," said Jason.

"Puts us off our lunch," Steve nodded and grabbed my arm suddenly. "Let's go for a walk."

Before I could do anything about it, the pair of them were hustling me off the road towards the bordering fence.

"Let go of me!" I yelled, hoping someone would hear me and come to help. They were quite a bit bigger than me and I knew I wouldn't have a hope in hell of defending myself against them.

"Shut the fuck up!" Jason hissed, letting go of my arm.

A second later his fist slammed into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me and I bent double, clutching my guts, gasping and choking. Before I could straighten up, Steve punched me in the face, crushing my lips against my teeth and splitting the lower one. I could barely breathe and even when I heard the door of a vehicle slam, indicating someone was nearby, I was unable to call out for help. Another fist hit me in the side of the head and I sank to my knees.

_"Take your fucking hands off him, shitheads!"_

Steve and Jason both turned away from me and I raised my head slowly, spitting blood as I watched Paul furiously begin to lay into both of them with fists and feet.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Even with two against one, Steve and Jason didn't stand a chance. Paul was so fast and so angry. I got to my feet and leaned against the fence as his fist crashed into Jason's nose, spraying blood in all directions. Another punch to Steve's stomach and then a knee in the face when he bent over, gasping. Jason threw a punch at Paul, but it was blocked with a raised arm, then he was collapsing to the ground, choking and clutching both hands between his legs after an agonising kick in the nuts from a large work boot.

"Alright, alright, back off!" Steve panted, holding up a hand in surrender and hauling the crippled Jason to his feet with the other.

"Get the hell out of here," Paul growled. "Either of you lays even a finger on Seth again, I'll come after you."

"You're insane, man," Jason whined.

"Fucking fags," muttered Steve as if the beating he had received so far wasn't enough. Paul pulled one fist back and took another step towards him, but he had already begun to drag Jason away and Paul lowered his arm again and let them go.

"Seth, are you ok?" He turned back towards me.

"Yeah. Thanks." I could still taste blood and I wiped my mouth with my sleeve.

"You're bleeding."

"It's nothing, my lip split, that's all." I tried to make light of it. I wished I was even half as tough as Paul.

"Come here, let me look."

He grabbed me by the shoulder and steered me back to the road, then put the fingers of his other hand under my chin and tipped my head back, leaning closer and peering at my mouth. I fixed my eyes on his face, hardly able to believe this was happening. I wasn't that surprised at him wading into a fight, but the fact that suddenly he seemed to actually care if I was alright was unexpected. His hand under my chin was gentle and I couldn't help wondering if I hadn't been bleeding, would he have kissed me? My heart was banging against my ribs and I realised no amount of putting him out of my mind had made any difference to how I felt about him. I still would have given anything to have those few minutes in the tent over again.

"It's hardly anything. The mouth bleeds like hell, though," he said, letting go of my chin although his other hand stayed on my shoulder.

"I guess you'd know," I said with a smile.

"Yeah, my fists have landed in a few," he grinned. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Fine." I licked my lip and wiped it with my sleeve again.

"I'll give you a ride home."

"Mom and Leah will go mad," I said.

"I'll drop you a couple of houses down," Paul smiled, leading me over to his truck which was on the other side of the street.

"No, I mean when they see the state of me. Can you take me to Jake's instead?"

"Sure."

His arm rested around my shoulders as we walked to the truck and he opened the passenger side door for me to get in before he went around the other side. He turned the truck around and began to drive towards Jake's. I was dying to talk to him, but I was so overwhelmed by him coming to my rescue that I didn't know what to say. What had Mom always said to me about being tongue-tied? Ask a question - make them talk.

"I haven't seen you around for ages; what are you doing now?" I asked.

"I got a job. I was never going to do that well in school, I missed too much of it and could never be bothered with the homework," he grinned. "It's a shit job, shifting things around a warehouse in Forks, but better than school and at least I got money. As soon as I'm eighteen, Dad's going to let me train as a tattooist."

"Wow, that's great," I said, thinking that it was also great that he was happy to talk to me again.

"Yeah, it's what I always wanted to do actually. I could never see the point of Science and History and all that shit. Not for me anyway."

"You don't come around to Sam's any more," I pointed out.

"Somehow I get the feeling I wouldn't be welcome. Leah and Sam and the others were all pretty pissed at me for...what happened."

"That's their problem," I said.

"I guess Leah had a point, though." He pulled the truck over at the edge of Jake's property by the shed and turned to look at me. "You're too young for me to be messing with you."

"She doesn't know what she's talking about," I blurted out, meeting his eyes. "I know what I want." I immediately felt my face turning red and was glad of the rapidly approaching darkness which disguised it.

Paul groaned and closed his eyes for a second. "Seth, don't do this, alright? It's not happening. Anyway, I thought you had a boyfriend. That Littlesea kid?"

"Yeah." I was instantly filled with guilt and remorse. I had completely forgotten about Collin in the last few minutes. He had been nothing but sweet to me and here I was practically throwing myself at Paul behind his back. But I couldn't help it. I wanted him so damned much.

"He's a good kid, you should stick with him," Paul went on. "Or at least tell him if you're not into him. But me...I'm just your friend. If you get any more shit from anyone, give me a call, but otherwise you're better off forgetting about me."

My heart sank and I dropped my eyes away from his, hoping he wouldn't see how upset I was. All I wanted to do now was get away from him as quickly as I could.

"Well, thanks...for helping me," I said.

"It's ok. I doubt you'll get any more trouble from those two jerks."

"I'll...um...I'll see you."

I shoved the door of the truck open, slid out and closed it after me, then walked slowly towards the house. Before I was halfway to the door I heard him drive away.

I didn't even know if Jake would be home – sometimes he went straight over to Embry's from school – but luckily he was there and for once Em wasn't with him. He opened the door a few seconds after I knocked as if he were close to it.

"Seth! Oh my God, what happened to you?" he exclaimed. "Come in." He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the house. "You're bleeding." He ushered me into the bathroom and I shrugged my jacket off and sat on the edge of the bath.

"Those two assholes that turned up at the camp site with Paul had a go at me," I said. Then I completely disgraced myself by bursting into tears.

Jake closed the bathroom door and wrapped an arm around me until I pulled myself together, then began to wipe the blood off of my face while I sniffled miserably. He thought I was crying because I got beat up and I didn't know whether to let him go on thinking that or correct him.

"How did you get away from them?" he asked.

"Um...Paul turned up and kicked the shit out of them," I said and sighed heavily. "He doesn't want anything to do with me," I whined and then mentally kicked myself. I sounded pathetic.

"You don't still like him, do you?" Jake groaned. "I thought you'd gotten over that. What about Collin?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a jerk," I muttered. "And I feel guilty as hell. You won't tell anybody, will you?"

"Of course I won't, but you have to forget about him. What did he say to you?"

"The same as you. That I'm better off forgetting about him."

"Well, at least he has a shred of decency in there somewhere," Jake said, sounding surprised.

He threw the tissues he had been cleaning my face with into the toilet and flushed it, then opened the door.

"Do you want to hang out here for a while?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Text Leah then, before they send out a search party. You can stay for dinner if you want. Embry's coming over soon too."

"Ok. Thanks," I nodded.

By the time Embry turned up I had got a grip of myself and all we told him was that Steve and Jason tried beating me up and Paul intervened. I stayed until seven-thirty and then went home. As predicted, Mom and Leah were shocked by the state of me, but I just told them it was nothing but a split lip and that Jake had looked after me, which was at least true. I went to my room and got an early night, but as I lay there in the darkness trying to fall asleep I couldn't get Paul out of my head and I wondered if I ever would. I kept going over and over what he had said to me. 'You're too young for me to be messing with you.' So maybe when I was older? Even after he had categorically said he would only be my friend and I should forget about him, I couldn't stop myself hoping.

I got up in the morning still feeling exhausted after the restless night and later as I was getting ready to leave the house, Leah stated that she would walk to school with me just in case I ran into trouble again.

"There's no way you're walking me to school," I said, horrified at the thought.

"Then I'm calling Jake and getting him and Embry to come and meet you," she said determinedly.

Before I had chance to say anything, the doorbell rang and Leah answered it. Much to my surprise it was Collin.

"Oh, good, you'll do," Leah said. "I don't want Seth walking to school on his own, he got beat up last night."

"Great, Leah, thanks," I muttered, ignoring the look of alarm on Collin's face as I grabbed my bag and headed outside.

"Are you alright?" Collin asked at once.

"Fine, it was nothing, just a split lip. I didn't expect to see you this early," I said.

"I wanted to talk to you. I picked up your History text book by mistake. I was going to give it back to you last night, but...I came after you and you were with...Paul."

My face heated up immediately and I avoided looking at him. Damnit. The last person on earth I wanted to talk to about Paul now, was Collin. I felt like a real shit for the way I had been thinking as it was.

"He just came by and helped me when those two jerks were beating me," I grunted.

"And then what? When I came along you were standing in the road looking like you were about to start kissing. Then you got in his truck and left. Do you still like him?"

I glanced up at him and cringed at the hurt expression on his face and I knew I looked as guilty as hell, even though nothing had actually happened.

"He was just checking out my face to see where the blood was coming from," I said. "Then he drove me over to Jake's."

"You were gazing at him like he was the world's greatest hero. You still have feelings for him," Collin said unhappily. "Don't you?"

"No, of course I don't," I lied. "He just helped me out, that's all. It's the first time I'd seen him in months."

"Seth, don't bullshit me. It's written all over your face. It doesn't make a difference if anything happened or not, or whether he's interested in you or not. _You_ like _him._ Have you any idea how much that hurts? I love you...and I'm second best."

"You're not!" I protested. "I love being with you, I..."

"Yeah, you love being with me, but you don't love me, do you?" he interrupted.

"I'm sorry. I..." What could I say? Everything he said was right. I did love being with him, but I couldn't feel as much as he did when Paul still had hold of my heart.

"I think it's time we called it a day," Collin said, his lips trembling slightly. "Your feelings aren't going to change while you're still hooked on him and I can't be with you when I know you want somebody else."

"Don't do this, please," I said at once. "I don't want to break up."

"Well, I do."

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I'm really..."

"Yeah, me too." He stopped walking suddenly and pointed out Quil a little distance ahead. "Go on and join him, I'm not going to school today."

"Collin, wait..."

He ignored me and turned away, heading off in the direction of the beach and I slowly followed Quil, silently cursing myself. I fucked everything up over somebody who didn't even want me. Collin had been amazing and I was a complete jerk letting him go like that. What the hell was wrong with me? He _loved_ me and I threw it back in his face. I didn't want to lose him, but it was my own stupid fault. He deserved someone better than me anyway - someone who would love him back.

"Hey, Seth," Quil said, looking around and catching sight of me. "Shit, what happened to you?"

"Got in a fight," I mumbled.

_"You_ were _fighting?"_ Quil said in disbelief.

"Mm. And I broke up with Collin."

"Why? Did he hurt you? Where is the little fucker, anyway?"

"No, Quil, he didn't do a thing," I sighed. "I got in a fight with two homophobic dickheads and then Collin ended it because I...don't feel the same way he does."

"Oh. Well...are you ok? I mean...I'm shit at this," Quil said.

I found myself grinning. "Don't worry about it. I'm ok; I just got a split lip and a...um...reality check."

I walked the rest of the way to school with him and what followed was a long and tedious day which I thought would never end. I was only glad that it was Friday and when I escaped the school grounds at the end of it, I had two days to hide from everybody. Jake and Embry walked me home and then I half-heartedly nibbled dinner and shut myself in my room for the rest of the evening. Mom and Leah both asked what was wrong with me and I said only that Collin and I decided to stop seeing each other and I didn't feel like talking about it.

I went out on Saturday, but only because I knew Mom and Leah would keep bothering me if I didn't. I headed down to the beach alone and walked for hours, feeling pathetic and sorry for myself and not knowing how to make things better. I guessed I would just have to forget about both Paul and Collin and move on.

I wasn't looking forward to going back to school on Monday, knowing I had some classes with Collin, but when I arrived there ten minutes before the day started, he came over to speak to me. He looked pretty miserable, but at least he didn't seem to be planning on avoiding me.

"Hey," he said.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I will be. Look, I don't want things to be awkward between us. I'd rather stay friends if possible rather than creep around ignoring each other."

"Yeah, so would I," I agreed at once. "I am really sorry about..."

"Don't keep saying sorry. I know you're sorry," Collin interrupted. "Let's forget about that. Did you do the History homework?"

"Shit, no," I groaned. "You still have my text book. But I forgot anyway."

"I didn't do it either. I guess we can catch up in English though. I heard Ms Brown's not in today and we're having a stand-in so we won't get much work to do."

I was surprised how easy it was to talk to him again and I heaved a sigh of relief. I still felt like a real shit for hurting him, but at least it hadn't actually spoiled our friendship. It made me wonder why other couples who split up couldn't get along afterwards. It wasn't long after Christmas that I revised that opinion a little and it was one of the people I had most looked up to who made me do it.

It was Sunday and Mom had decided to cook a nice dinner for the three of us, also inviting Jake and his Dad and Embry and his Mom to make a big family get together. Mom spent a lot of time with Billy Black and Tiffany Call and liked to have everyone over once in a while. But Leah had gone out some time ago and I was sent out to look for her to make sure she didn't miss dinner.

"She's probably at Sam's," I said. "I'll just call."

"I tried that, she's not answering her phone," Mom said. "Nor is he."

"Fine, I'll go and look." I set off, grumbling to myself. Leah could be anywhere and I didn't relish tramping around in the freezing dampness for hours on end looking for her. I went to Sam's first. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they were in bed ignoring their phones.

Ten minutes later I was banging on Sam's door. He didn't answer and I peered in the living room window to see if there was any sign of life, smirking to myself when I saw a t-shirt and a pair of jeans thrown on the floor and a pink shirt crumpled on the couch. I frowned then. Pink? Leah didn't possess one single pink item of clothing. She hated it; thought it was 'girlie'. She wore black or grey or blue or something like that. Suddenly I felt sick and I turned away from the window again. Sam was with someone else? I had to find out for sure and I went back to the door and hammered on it again repeatedly.

"Sam! Open up!" I yelled at the top of my voice.

After a couple more minutes the door opened to reveal him wearing only a pair of cargo pants, his hair tousled. He looked flushed and as guilty as hell.

"Seth, what's the matter?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Where's Leah?" I demanded.

"I haven't seen her today. I thought you were having some family dinner thing."

"Yeah, we are, so whose pink shirt is that in your living room?" I glanced past him, noticing his bedroom door standing open at the end of the hallway. I couldn't see much from the angle, but I could see a girl's head resting on the pillow, long black hair spread out around her. Even having seen the shirt, I hadn't really believed Sam would see someone else and I took a step backwards off the porch, almost stumbling down the steps. "You fucking cheating piece of shit!" I spat. "What's wrong with you? How could you do that to Leah?"

"Seth, calm down, please," Sam said, looking anxious. "It's not what it looks like."

"Bullshit, Sam! How can it not be what it looks like? You've got some fucking tramp in your bed!" I raged.

"Seth, keep your voice down," Sam protested. "Come inside a minute."

"No, I won't come inside. I can't believe this of you. All the years I looked up to you and you're nothing! You don't deserve Leah."

I couldn't even begin to get my head around it and I jumped down the steps now onto the drive and began to run away. How could Sam do that? He and Leah had been together forever, or so it seemed. Was it a one-off or had he been having an affair for a while?

"Seth!" he shouted after me, but I ignored him and headed for the beach, thinking I would look there first to see if I could find Leah.

It didn't take me very long to find her. She had this spot she always used to sit in when she was sulking about something, in a kind of hollowed out part of one of those big rocks not far from where I'd seen Paul with that boy. She was sitting on the ground with her arms wrapped around her knees, sobbing as if her heart would break. Shit. She knew. I wondered if she had seen them, maybe tearing each other's clothes off in the living room before they made it to the bed.

"Leah?" I kneeled down in front of her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, Seth." She uncurled herself and flung her arms around my neck. "He's got someone else," she wailed. "Sam's got someone else!"


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

I thought I had suffered, wanting Paul when he didn't want me back, but I realised now it was nothing. I didn't know what heartache was. Leah and Sam had been together since they were sixteen and after she saw him with Emily Young, she looked like the walking dead for weeks. She barely set foot outside of her room except to go to work and she virtually stopped talking. No one could quite believe that Sam had cheated on her and he had repeatedly turned up at the house, vowing it had only happened once on the spur of the moment and begging Leah to take him back. She was having none of it and in the end I actually threw a punch at him. He just stood there and took it and then walked away with his lip bleeding without saying a word, like he knew he deserved it.

Jared, Jake, Embry and Quil were just as horrified as I was, but at the end of the day they were still good friends of Sam's and they didn't stop seeing him, although they did point out to him more than once that he'd behaved like a jerk. I didn't go around there myself for months, much as I did miss spending time with him. I couldn't forgive him for hurting my sister so badly and the fact that a few weeks later he started dating Emily openly only made things worse.

At least all the drama took my mind off my own issues and I started spending more time with either Collin and Brady - the latter having broken up with his girlfriend now - or Leah herself. I got on with her better than I had in years and she had actually stopped treating me like a kid most of the time and seemed to look on me as a friend and shoulder to cry on instead. I didn't see Paul around La Push, not even on the rare occasions I happened to pass by his house and although I still longed to see him, I didn't hold out any hope that one day he would suddenly turn up and sweep me off my feet.

Eventually I did let Jake and Embry persuade me to go around to Sam's not long before I turned fifteen. I hadn't spoken to Sam in about four months, but Leah had told me several times not to let what happened between them affect my relationship with him, should I want to see him. I didn't want to see him, but I reluctantly went there anyway, expecting to avoid talking to him as much as I could.

I didn't know Emily would be there and when I found out that she was, I almost turned and left right away. I didn't want anything to do with her, but much as I hated to admit it, by the time a couple of hours passed I found that she was a really sweet girl and an awesome cook. I grudgingly accepted a muffin she had made, fearing it might choke me, but ended up asking for a second helping. I didn't want to like her, but I couldn't stop myself and Sam managed to corner me eventually and tell me I shouldn't resent her for what he did. He hadn't told Emily he was in a relationship and that day I had caught them really had been the first time. In my book that made him even more of a shit for lying to both girls, but at least he was being honest now and I found I did miss him. I doubted I would forget what he did for a long time, especially since Leah was still so miserable, but I decided I wouldn't avoid him any more.

When I got home I felt sad and guilty for having spent the afternoon in the company of Sam and his new girl, but surprisingly Leah was calm about it, reminding me that Sam had always been my friend and he hadn't done anything to hurt me directly.

"What's the girl like?" she asked me.

"You don't want to talk about her, do you?" I said in surprise.

"No, really, I'm curious. What's she got that I don't?"

"Leah...hell, I don't know. You're asking the wrong person. I don't like girls, remember? And you're my sister so I can't exactly be objective. She was nice to me, but I felt like I should be telling her to drop dead or something."

"Well, there's no need," she said. "She probably is nice. I only hate her because she's got Sam. You're allowed to like her. I know you miss hanging out with all of them. Maybe I'll come over myself one of these days - just to see the look on their faces."

She did come over to Sam's, but not until the end of August and by then, much to my relief, she had met someone else too. Mark was absolutely nothing like Sam and he treated Leah like a princess. He was a distant relative of Brady who had been living in Seattle while he went to Uni there and had just come home to spend some time with his family and see if he could find work in Forks. It became clear pretty fast that there was nothing available in Forks to suit him, so he set up his own web design business from home instead rather than move back to Seattle and be away from Leah. He wasn't the typical computer geek type either, but a six-four, two hundred and fifty pound muscular sporty type who made even Sam look puny in comparison. A gentle giant he was and Leah even took to wearing a dress on occasion if he took her out to a restaurant or on a picnic, which was completely unheard of. I didn't even realise she owned a dress, but Mom let on she had been over to Port Angeles and bought several on the quiet.

So eventually on the last Sunday of the month they came over to Sam's with me, Leah all smiles and wearing lipstick of all things. I expected there to be some tension, but there just wasn't. Leah and Emily even chatted a little and seemed to get on ok.

It seemed that just about everyone was with someone now except for me. Sam and Emily, Leah and Mark, Jared and Kim, Jake and Embry. There were only Quil and me who were still single and Embry joked that the pair of us should hook up, which had me rolling about on the grass crying with laughter at the sight of Quil's comical grimaces.

Emily and Kim went into the house after a while and began preparing things to go with the barbecue Sam and Jared were about to light and Quil set up an extra table and brought out more chairs, since there were now too many of us to fit around the picnic table. Embry fetched bottles of beer and I begged him to let me have just one. He glanced over at Leah and much to my surprise she just smiled and shrugged; I guess I had Mark to thank for that. I took the beer and sat down next to Jake under a tree to enjoy it.

Maybe fifteen minutes later the peace was disturbed by the deafening sound of a motorcycle engine - one of those big cruiser types that were usually ridden by old guys who looked like members of ZZ Top. The bike appeared around the corner of the house and parked up by the end wall. I looked up, curious to see who it was and my stomach flipped over. It was Paul and the bike was clearly one of his Dad's Harleys. He was wearing jeans, tank and boots and had several new tattoos on both arms.

"Here comes trouble," Quil said under his breath.

"Haven't seen him around here in a while," Embry said. "Not since your last birthday, Seth."

I didn't answer. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It was not far off a year since I had last seen him and he filled out a lot in that time - arms, shoulders and pecs bulged and I wouldn't have been surprised to see an eight-pack under the tank top. He went over to speak to Sam and I watched as they talked for a few minutes and he shook hands with Emily. Then he went over to Jared who was sitting at the smaller table and joined him, helping himself to a beer. He didn't look too happy, but then I'd only ever seen him smile a few times - mostly at me, I realised.

"What's with you?" I heard Jared ask him.

"Nothing. Why?" Paul grunted.

"Well, you look like...you usually look." Jared shrugged. "What have you been doing?"

"This and that."

"Seth, stop staring; Jesus, you're so obvious," Jake whispered to me. "I thought you'd forgotten about him."

I flushed and looked away for a minute. I was longing to go over and speak to him, but I wouldn't have a clue what to say, especially with Jared there. My eyes crawled back towards him again and fixed there. He was sitting sideways on to me so he couldn't see me without turning his head my way at least a little. He had one foot propped up, the ankle resting across the opposite knee, jeans pulled tight around muscular thighs. I fastened my lips around my beer bottle to stop myself licking them.

It was about a half hour before I got to talk to Paul briefly. Sam called me over to the barbeque and asked me to fetch some lighter fuel from the house as the bricks wouldn't catch and Jared got up to fetch more beer while I was in the house. I gave Sam the fuel quickly and walked back past the table where Paul was sitting.

"Hey, Paul," I said, hoping I didn't sound as breathless as I felt.

"Seth. You ok?" he asked, looking up and squinting in the sun which was behind me.

"Pretty good. You?"

He shrugged. "No worse than usual, I guess."

"I like the new tats," I said, eyeing the dragons and skulls and tribal designs spreading down his arms.

"Thanks." His lips twitched up at the corners a touch. "Have you ever thought about getting one?"

"I wouldn't mind," I said. "I doubt Leah would be impressed."

He laughed shortly and then stopped to gulp some of his beer. Jared appeared at that moment, placing four more bottles on the table and dropping back into his chair. I returned to Jake reluctantly and sat down again.

"I can't believe you got a laugh out of him," Jake said quietly.

I just grinned and carried on staring at Paul as he dropped his foot off his knee and then propped it up on a spare chair instead. It was about another hour before I got the chance to speak to him again and he was no longer grinning. His cellphone rang just as he was finishing eating a slab of virtually raw steak and he put his knife and fork down and pulled the phone out of his pocket. I was still sitting under the tree with Jake and Embry and I put my plate down and gulped the last mouthful of my beer. I had made it last as long as possible.

I didn't hear what Paul said into the phone, but I watched him put his feet down on the ground, lean forward and rest an elbow on his knee, drag a hand through his hair. Then he ended the call and leaped up, banging against the table and knocking Jared's beer over so that it poured onto his plate and his lap.

"You jerk, Paul, what's your problem?" Jared demanded, jumping up too, his crotch and the top of his thighs soaked in beer.

"Mind your own business," Paul growled.

"Look what you did!" Shaking his head, Jared thrust one hand out and shoved Paul in the chest.

"Great idea, Jared," Embry muttered and a second later Paul's fist shot out and collided with Jared's jaw.

"Hey! Cool it, for God's sake!" Sam and Mark hurried over, but Paul was already halfway to his motorcycle by then, leaving Jared behind, still on his feet but rubbing his face.

"Dickhead!" Quil said. "He always has to spoil things."

I got to my feet quickly. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do, but I just got this feeling all wasn't quite what it seemed. What had that phone call been about?

"Seth, what are you doing? Sit down," Jake told me.

I ignored him and walked across to the end of the house where Paul was about to swing a leg over the motorcycle.

"Hey. What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing. Leave me alone," he grunted.

"Maybe I can help."

"No, you can't, Seth, just back off," he said through his teeth. I wasn't the best judge of people, but I would have bet anything he looked upset rather than mad.

"Try me," I persisted. "You were fine before that phone call."

"Look, I just heard my Dad died, alright," he blurted out, turning away from me and mounting the bike. "I'm out of here."

"Oh, shit, Paul, I'm sorry," I said. I'd been there, just eighteen months ago and if he had been even a quarter as close to his Dad as I had been to mine, it must have hurt. "I'll come with you," I added.

"No, you won't."

"So you're just going to go home alone? It's better if you have someone to talk to, or yell at or whatever," I said. "Yeah, I might only be a kid, but I've been there too, remember."

Paul looked up at me. "Somehow you don't seem so much like a kid any more." Much to my surprise he plucked the helmet off the back of the bike and held it out to me.

"Seth, don't even think about getting on that motorcycle!" Leah's voice shrieked from the direction of the picnic table.

"Typical," I muttered.

"Look, just leave it," Paul said.

"No, I won't. You helped me once, so now it's my turn. Wait here a minute. Please?"

He gave a half nod and started the bike engine. I turned and walked over to Leah who was beginning to head towards me.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "Stay away from him. You saw what he just did to Jared."

"He's upset," I said quietly.

"Like you'd know."

"He just found out his Dad died," I said. "I know exactly how he feels. I'm going to hang out with him whether you like it or not."

"For God's sake, Seth, he's no good for you." She sucked her cheeks in and then blew her breath out sharply. "Oh, suit yourself. Wear the helmet."

I hurried back to Paul and he reached out again to hand me the helmet.

"I don't need that, you're not wearing one," I said, only because Leah had told me to wear it, which I knew was childish.

"Put it on, Seth," he snapped.

"But..."

"Do as you're told."

"Sorry." I grabbed the helmet and put it on quickly, fastening the chin strap. I didn't miss the astonished expressions of Leah and several of the others as I quickly complied and climbed onto the back of the bike. The minute I was seated the engine roared louder and we began to move forwards slowly, looping around and back to the road. I wrapped both arms around Paul's waist and held on tight as we bumped up onto the blacktop and then sped off towards the other end of the reservation where his house was.

I quickly discovered I liked motorcycles, if only because I got to press myself against Paul's back and hold onto him, my hands on his stomach just above his belt buckle. I could quite happily have sat there all day, but it was a short journey and all too soon we were pulling onto the driveway in front of his house. He put his feet down as the bike stopped and I climbed off at once and removed the helmet. I was tempted to blurt out something about the ride being awesome, but held my tongue. His Dad just died; it wasn't exactly appropriate.

Paul unlocked the front door without a word and walked in, leaving it open for me to follow. He turned left into the kitchen, kicked his boots off, opened the refrigerator to grab a couple of bottles of beer and then walked out again, crossed the hall and pushed open another door. He didn't look at me or speak and I hesitated for a moment, took my sneakers off and then followed. He was already sitting at one end of a large leather couch, rapidly gulping from one of the bottles while the other sat on the table in front of him. I walked over and sat down next to him, pulling my feet up and sitting cross-legged. He didn't say anything and nor did I for a while. I just sat there as he finished his beer, lowered the empty bottle to the floor and picked up the second. He took a few mouthfuls from that one and then put it down too.

"What happened?" I asked softly. "To your Dad?"

"Um...he was in Tacoma...staying with my Aunt Pauline. He went out drinking last night...got in some stupid fight over nothing probably. He was found this morning behind the bar dead from a stab wound."

"Holy shit," I gasped. "I'm so sorry."

"You haven't heard the worst part yet."

He scrubbed a hand over his face and despite the awfulness of the situation, I was still surprised to see tears glistening in his eyes. I reached out and rested my hand on his shoulder. He glanced at me briefly and then lowered his eyes again, swallowed hard and sniffed.

"I told him about ten days ago that I'm gay. I figured it had been a secret long enough, especially when he kept asking why I wasn't bringing girls home. I got pretty much the reaction I thought I would - a black eye and some comment about how there are no fags in the Lahote family. He went to my Aunt's to cool off a while, but I know he was hoping I wouldn't be here when he got back. So I guess he died ashamed of me, maybe wishing he didn't even have a son."

"God, Paul," I groaned.

I couldn't even imagine how terrible he must feel. I could only go off how I'd felt myself, but even though I hadn't known what Dad would have thought of me for sure, I knew he loved me and that he wouldn't have wanted rid of me. My hand was still resting on his shoulder and I slid it to the back of his neck now, squeezing the knotted muscles there. He didn't move for a minute and then suddenly he straightened up, dislodged my hand and turned towards me. His eyes were wet, face pain-filled and after another moment he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged him back and we just sat there holding onto each other, my heart hammering with an excitement I knew I shouldn't be feeling when he was suffering so much.

He loosened his hold on me after a while and pulled back, meeting my eyes. His were dark, almost black, and I thought I could drown in them until they began to swim out of focus as he leaned closer and suddenly he was kissing me, his lips crushing mine, tongue thrusting into my mouth, his arms tightening around me again. My pulse raced, I grew hot and I became almost instantly aroused. It was just like when he kissed me in the tent only more intense, more heated and I gasped for breath as his mouth left mine and pressed against my neck instead, his teeth grazing the skin.

His hands gripped my waist then and he pulled me onto him so that I was kneeling astride him, my thighs spread wide. His hands slid down to my butt, squeezing firmly and drawing me harder against him. I was so turned on and my jeans so uncomfortably tight that it hurt and I shuddered as I felt Paul's hardness under me. He took his hands off me for a second and then ran them along my thighs almost to my knees, then back up, his thumbs dragging along the insides of them, making me shudder and groan. Once again his hands left me, only to grasp the bottom of my t-shirt and pull it up and off over my head, dropping it somewhere behind me. Then his arms were around me again, hands warm on my back, his lips trailing kisses down my throat, pausing every so often to bite gently.

I removed my arms from his neck and reached down to pull off his tank top and he let go of me briefly to slide his arms out of it. It was only then that he stopped and looked up at me again.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked huskily.

"Yes," I said at once. Was I sure? Jesus. I had wanted it for a year - more than a year.

"'Cause I can't make you any promises, Seth."

"I'm not asking for any." I would worry about that later. If I got hurt again, I got hurt. I would live. Paul wanted me - even needed me - and it was something I never really thought I would come close to getting.

He didn't say anything else. He tucked his hands under my butt again, shuffled forward to the edge of the couch and then stood up. I wrapped my legs around him and held onto his neck as he carried me out of the room and down the hallway to his bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Paul kneeled on the bed and lowered himself forwards until my back hit the mattress and I found myself under him, his lower body resting between my legs, his weight held off me slightly by one elbow and his knees. He began to kiss me again, his tongue thrusting urgently into my mouth as he reached down with his free hand to unfasten my jeans. His mouth was hot and eager and I kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm, moaning when I felt his knuckles brush my erection as he pulled my zipper down. He slid his hand inside, rubbing me for a moment through my shorts, breaking the kiss and grinning as I groaned and squirmed under him. I was so hard I ached and I knew I would come in less than a minute if he kept touching me like that, but he took his hand away after just a few more seconds and I whimpered in protest.

He drew away from me and sat up and I watched through half closed eyes as he began to pull my jeans and shorts down, tugging them out from under my butt and down my legs while my dick twitched impatiently against my stomach and I twisted my fingers into the quilt. Paul unbuckled his belt and took it off, then unfastened the buttons on his jeans, but left it at that. He stayed kneeling between my thighs, stroking the fingers of both hands up the insides of them and even without him actually touching me I knew I didn't have long left. My balls were already beginning to scrunch themselves up against my body and I held my breath, biting my lip. Damnit, I didn't want to lose it so fast.

"Breathe," Paul said softly.

"What?"

"Don't hold your breath. Breathe slowly."

I let my breath out shakily and breathed in again through my mouth, feeling him suddenly cup my balls in one hand and begin tugging gently downwards on them. Curiously the feeling that I was about to erupt everywhere abated just a fraction and I found myself relaxing. Thankfully I wasn't about to disgrace myself quite yet after all. Paul reached out to the nearby bed table with his free hand, pulling a drawer out. I closed my eyes again as he let go of my balls and then I heard something squirting out of a tube. Lube, I guessed, and a moment later his hand wrapped about my erection, cool and slick and slippery, and began to slide up and down slowly, teasingly. The fingers of his other hand began to touch me too, stroking the ridge right behind my balls that led to my ass, just as wet and slippery as the hand on my dick. The tip of one finger pressed gently against the tight hole there and I shivered, trying desperately to stay relaxed and resisting the urge to thrust myself upwards into his hand. I really hadn't expected any of this; somehow I had thought he would just want to pounce on me and fuck, but he was being so gentle, so considerate, taking his time and making me enjoy it first.

His finger continued stroking and occasionally applying gentle pressure until suddenly I felt it slide into me a little way, then out again, then back in further. He continued with that for a few moments and I heard myself groan as I squirmed under his hands, aching for release. When a second finger slid into me alongside the first, I tried not to tense up at the sudden discomfort caused by it stretching me further open. The gentle movements inside me made me shudder and I quickly grew used to it, reaching above my head and gripping the end of the bed as Paul increased the speed of both hands, pumping me vigorously with one and thrusting into me with the fingers of the other.

"Oh, shit..." I gasped.

It wouldn't have mattered then what he did or didn't do any longer; nothing was going to stop me spurting all over my stomach and chest and into Paul's hand. I lay there trembling when he took his hands off me, panting for breath as I felt him wiping me with a handful of tissue paper or something similar. Then his weight moved off the bed and I forced my eyelids up and watched as he took his jeans and underwear off.

I had been right about the eight-pack - four perfect pairs of abs that I longed to run my fingers over, along with the bulging pecs I had already feasted my eyes on. His strong muscular thighs looked as solid as stone and his erection curved up against his stomach, quivering slightly. He was big, I noticed - quite a bit bigger than me - and I wondered how in hell that was going to fit inside me. However, I was longing to touch him and as soon as he stretched out again on the bed beside me I reached out and stroked my hand over his stomach for a moment, then slid my fingers up and down his shaft. He leaned closer and brushed his lips against mine briefly, then turned onto his back, apparently inviting me to do what I wanted.

My heart thumped nervously. I didn't want to disappoint, him clearly being much more experienced than I was, but he knew that anyway. I propped myself up a little and bent over to kiss him, teasing his mouth with mine, then moving to his neck and down the centre of his chest, light kisses and strokes with the end of my tongue while I continued running my hand lightly up and down his dick.

I glanced up at him as I trailed my tongue lower to the narrow line of dark hair leading from his navel downwards. His eyes were closed, lips parted as he breathed faster and I couldn't help grinning to myself. So far so good. I wrapped my hand more firmly around his erection and planted a light kiss on the head, then opened my mouth slowly and drew him in; one inch, then another, pumping him slowly at the same time, my tongue circling and flicking at him. It was one thing at least that I had had a little practise at.

"Fuck, Seth," he hissed.

I raised my head and let him slip out of my mouth, traced my tongue down the length of him to the base until the soft black hair surrounding it tickled my nose, then worked my way back up, allowing my teeth to graze the skin gently, peering up at him and noticing his hands fisted into the quilt, his neck arched back as he breathed harder. It delighted me that I was making him feel so good and I made even greater efforts, capturing him in my mouth again, working my hand up and down faster, squeezing his balls lightly in the other. He let out a deep groan, his balls contracting in my hand and his dick quivering.

"Seth...you better stop..." he panted.

"Mmm-mnh," I mumbled, shaking my head a fraction. He was kidding, right?

He came maybe ten seconds later, flooding my mouth and I swallowed every drop, knowing he didn't expect it and trying hard not to smirk when I sat up and took my hands off him. His eyes opened slowly and met mine. He was gasping for breath, beads of sweat standing out on his face and chest.

"God, Seth," he whispered. "Come here."

He reached out with both hands to draw me down against him. He raised his head slightly and touched his lips to mine, then slid one hand to the back of my neck and gripped firmly as he thrust his tongue in, devouring me and tasting himself. I had already become half erect again while I was pleasuring him and the hot kiss quickly had me hardening fully. When he drew his mouth away, still breathless, I lowered myself onto my side and he turned to face me, sliding one arm under my neck and the other around my waist, pulling me close so that my dick pressed against his stomach. His hand stroked up my back and down again to my butt, then over my thigh, lifting my leg up and hooking it over him. I rubbed myself against him, so aroused, suddenly longing for him to fuck me.

He began to touch me, his fingers stroking between my legs from behind, teasing me. I was still wet from the lube he applied before, but now he reached out and squeezed more into his hand, coating his fingers liberally and inserting one, then two into me, moving them in a scissoring motion, stretching me more. I felt him rapidly stiffening again as he continued exploring me and I held onto him, turning my face into his neck, his touch making me shiver and gasp. He continued for several minutes while I grew more used to the feel of it and I writhed against him, becoming impatient for more and feeling disappointed when he withdrew his fingers and rolled me onto my back, moving away for a moment. I watched as he leaned over towards the drawer, unwrapped a condom and rolled it onto himself, then squeezed lube into his hand and lathered himself in it. My heart was thumping raggedly in a mixture of excitement and fear as he lowered himself onto me, propping himself up as he had before, reaching down to guide himself. I pulled my knees up either side of him, trying to breathe slow and relax as he nudged against me, stroking the head of his erection back and forth across the still too small hole, pushing at me repeatedly, straining to enter. It slid in a little and I winced, sliding my hands around to his back and digging my nails in.

He held still, his lips touching mine, caressing gently, his body trembling slightly above me, then gradually slipping an inch or two deeper into me. As I stretched further to accommodate him it felt impossibly tight and the painful burn made me moan. Again he stopped, moving his lips to my ear, nibbling the lobe.

"You ok?" he whispered.

"Mmm...yeah."

He started to pull out of me gradually, almost all the way, then slid smoothly back in, further this time. It felt better - tight and hot and slippery and almost good. Once more he withdrew almost completely and then another slow thrust forward, even deeper, his hand resting under the small of my back to lift me up a fraction, changing the angle just a little bit.

"Ohhhh...fuck..." I gasped, my eyes flying open and meeting his.

He grinned at me, holding my eyes as he began to move more rhythmically. It rapidly stopped feeling uncomfortable and I moved with him, taking one hand off him and bracing it on the wall behind my head. He shifted slightly then, propping his upper body a little higher, lowering his head and apparently looking at my dick. I slid my hand between us and grasped it, beginning to jack myself off slowly as he watched, the movement of my hand matching the pace of him thrusting inside me.

"Oh, God, Paul," I groaned, closing my eyes again and rolling my head back. I was almost there again, both internal and external stimulation pushing me towards the edge. Paul began fucking me harder, each thrust shoving me into the mattress, his breath escaping in harsh gasps and grunts until just as I began to lose it, spurting over both our stomachs and my fingers, he stopped moving, buried deep in me, his body shaking and his dick jerking inside me. Panting, he slid his hand out from under me and let his weight collapse slowly onto me, his breath hot and rapid in my ear. I pulled my hand from between us and wiped it on the quilt, then rested it on his back, feeling the skin slick with sweat.

A minute later he drew away from me slowly with a groan, removed the condom and grabbed some tissues to wipe himself before sprawling out on the bed again beside me and stretching one arm out across my stomach.

"Are you alright?" he murmured.

"Yeah."

I wasn't alright; I was far from being alright. I fell in love with him right then, if I hadn't been halfway there already. I hadn't expected him to be like this. He was hurt because of his Dad and despite the way he had been with me before - kissing me in the tent, saving me from those two thugs - I had still thought he would probably take what he wanted, please himself and not care if I got anything out of it or not. But he had spent the whole time we were together taking care of me, making sure it was good for me and that he didn't hurt me. So I fell hook, line and sinker and I knew full well it wouldn't amount to anything. He didn't want a relationship or anything even close to that and I would somehow have to walk away without letting him know how I felt. _I_ would walk away; I didn't want to hear him ask me to go.

"Do you want to share a shower?" he said in my ear.

"Ok." I still had a little while to make the most of it.

We showered together, then returned to the bed. It was only early evening, but I was completely drained and I guessed Paul was too as he fell asleep pretty quickly, one arm draped heavily across me. I closed my eyes and let myself drift, not letting myself think about tomorrow. Right now he still wanted me here. I listened to the sound of him breathing, relished the heat and weight of his arm where it rested on me and eventually I slept too.

I woke first in the morning. Paul was still dead to the world and I slid away from him carefully and went to the bathroom, rescued my t-shirt from the couch and then returned to the bedroom to get dressed. I was just fastening my jeans when Paul opened his eyes.

"Hey."

I smiled at him and he licked his lips and grimaced, then sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over his face. He slid out of the bed and went to the bathroom and I sat on the edge of the bed and waited, hearing him take a pee and brush his teeth. He came back wearing shorts and sat down again next to me. Time for me to find some inner strength and try out my acting skills.

"I better get out of here," I said, grinning. "They'll be sending out a search party." I got to my feet and Paul looked up at me, seeming a little surprised.

"It's still early," he said.

"Yes, but I guess you got stuff to do."

"Yeah." He groaned and his brows drew together. "I have to go to Tacoma and see my Aunt...sort things out. Decide what to do with the house and everything."

"I'm sorry about your Dad," I said again.

"Yeah. Thanks." He reached out suddenly and grabbed hold of my hand. "Seth...hell...I feel like I took advantage of you."

"You didn't. I knew what I was doing. You needed somebody."

"Maybe I still do, but you deserve better than me; I'd only hurt you. I'm in a pretty lousy place right now," he said softly.

"I know that. I wanted to be here for you; and you made it amazing for me." I gave his hand a squeeze, then slipped mine free and walked to the door. "I'll see you around."

God, it was killing me. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and tell him I loved him, but it was the last thing he wanted at the present time.

"Seth..."

I stopped in the doorway and looked back at him.

"Thank you."

I shot him a smile and then turned away again, hoping I still had time to grab my sneakers and get out of the house before my tears spilled over. I hurried outside and made my way behind the house to the path that led down to the beach and by the time I reached the sand, my face was as wet as if I had just washed it and I could barely see where I was going. I walked slowly along, choking and sobbing, unable to catch my breath until I reached the path close to my own house. I stood there for a few minutes, scrubbing my face dry with the front of my t-shirt and hoping I wouldn't run into anyone. My eyes would still be red and swollen and Mom and Leah were going to go mad when I turned up.

The minute I opened the door, Leah pounced on me.

"Seth! Where the hell have you...?" She stopped as she looked at my face. "Oh, God, what happened? What did that piece of shit do?"

"Nothing. Where's Mom?"

"She went to get milk and stuff. Don't worry, I told her you stayed at Sam's last night with a few of the others."

"Seriously? Thanks, Leah." That was a surprise.

"So what happened? You stayed the night with him?"

"Yeah." I went into the kitchen to get some water. "Don't jump down my neck."

"I wasn't going to. But you look...more miserable than I've ever seen you, so I'm pretty tempted to go over there right now and rip his head off."

"He didn't do a thing. He was...sweet to me."

"Paul Lahote was _sweet?"_ Leah's eyebrows rose.

"Yeah."

"And then you woke up and he told you to fuck off, right?"

"No, it wasn't like that. I left. He needed somebody yesterday; I knew he wouldn't suddenly decide he wanted to be with me, so I told him I didn't expect anything; pretended I was ok with it. Shit." I had thought I left all my tears on the beach, but fresh ones sprang into my eyes and began to roll down my cheeks.

"Oh, Seth." She wrapped her arms around me suddenly and I hugged her and wept again.

"I love him," I sniffled.

"Did you tell him that?"

"No, of course I didn't. I would have just made him feel guilty." I sniffed hard and pulled away, grabbing some kitchen towels to wipe my face once more.

"I find it hard to believe Paul would feel guilty about anything," Leah said.

"Well, you don't really know him then. He's got feelings just like anybody else."

"Sometimes, Seth, you amaze me," Leah said softly. "When did you grow up so fast? Somehow I missed it."

I grinned despite my misery. "Oh, you finally realised I'm not a kid any more?"

"I think when you really try, you're more of a grown up than me." She gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I could never have done what you have."

"It was what was right for him. I'll be ok."

I wasn't sure how, but I would make myself ok and I wouldn't let myself hope that he'd come looking for me because I doubted he would. I would just have to get on with my life and let myself keep the memory of that one amazing night in my heart.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Two weeks later I was back at school and already the students in my year were being talked to and interviewed by the teachers to discover what we aimed to study in the future. Most of my friends intended to stay at school until age eighteen and then pick a college to go to. I would have left there and then if I could and taken myself off to college as far away from

La Push as I could get to enable me to move on easier, but obviously I couldn't do that.

I envied Jake, who planned to leave school after this year and set up his own business. He was an awesome mechanic and his Dad had saved up some money so that he could develop their old shed into a proper garage and take in paying customers. He was still with Embry and they were as besotted with each other as they always had been. Consequently Embry had no intention of going away to college either and was looking at options for work in La Push and Forks for when he finished school.

Collin and Brady both knew exactly what they wanted to do - another three years in school and then go to college to study science and law respectively. Everyone seemed to know what they wanted to do, but I just didn't. I had an interview with one of the tutors and he gleaned nothing from the answers I gave to the long list of questions he put to me. I didn't have a favourite subject, a profession I was interested in or an ambition to be something great.

"Maybe I'll be a tattooist," I grunted, completely disinterested in the process.

"Don't be ridiculous, Seth, that isn't something you can make a career out of."

I didn't suppose for a minute the school would think that, but I heard through Jared that Paul would be starting working in his Dad's old store right after Christmas when he turned eighteen. His Aunt Pauline had taken over the running of it in the meantime, splitting her life between Tacoma and Forks, staying in the apartment above the store and managing the two experienced tattooists who worked in there. Paul had also left La Push and moved into the apartment, leaving the house to be rented out. I hadn't seen him since the morning I left his bed, but I hadn't stopped thinking about him - not for a second.

I left the tutor's office after a half hour with no more clue than I had when I went in as to what I could do with myself. It was almost lunch time and I walked out of the building and wandered over towards the sports block, knowing Collin had been playing basketball. He was just heading outside when I got there.

"How'd it go?" he asked me.

I just shrugged. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I wish I could just quit school and work."

"What kind of job will you get without going to college?" he frowned.

"Who cares?" I shoved my hands into my pockets and turned to walk back to the food hall with him. As we rounded the corner at the end of the sports block I noticed a poster someone had pinned to the wall. "What's that?"

"Football scholarships. Brady was looking at it earlier, but his parents would never let him do something like that, even if he didn't know what he wanted."

I stopped and looked at the poster. Four scholarships were available for football players to go away to a college in Portland next summer for a two year course and a chance of getting into a real team. The requirements were straight A students who obviously had a love and talent for football.

"Seth, you're not thinking about that, are you?" Collin said. "You hate football."

"It'd get me out of this place."

"I don't know what's going on with you lately," he sighed. "You've been lousy company since we came back to school."

"I'm fine," I said.

"You're not. I know you pretty well and you're never this moody. I haven't seen you smile in weeks."

"It's nothing. I hooked up with someone."

"Who?" Collin demanded. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it was a one-off and I knew it was going to be like that before I got into it," I told him.

"You _slept_ with some guy?"

"Yeah, it's no big deal," I lied. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Shit. So you wanted more than he did?"

"Always," I muttered before I could stop myself.

"Oh my God! It's Paul, isn't it?" Collin gasped. "You slept with Paul?"

"Keep your voice down!" I grumbled as several guys burst out of the sports block and ran past us. "It's over anyway. So, this scholarship thing. You reckon I have a shot?"

"You're going to have to work harder than you have been doing. You're averaging B's, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I don't try mostly. I can do anything if I put my mind to it."

"You're only doing this so you can run away," Collin pointed out.

"What if I am?"

"Do you think you'll really forget him if you're in another town?"

"Probably not, but I'll do better somewhere else than I'm doing here."

"Would your Mom let you do it?" asked Collin.

"I don't know. Maybe, but if I don't tell her she can't say no, can she? If there's anything to sign, I'll get Leah to do it."

I hadn't even thought about any of this, but solutions began popping into my head without me trying. I left Collin and went into the sports block to find the football coach and ask about what I had to do.

Mr Blake looked a touch disbelieving when I told him I was interested in trying for the scholarship and it took some bluffing on my part to get him on side. I made up some crap about my Dad having been a keen footballer and me having drifted since his death, upset and not knowing what I wanted and then suddenly I had decided to follow in his footsteps. I felt as guilty as hell for doing it and whispered an apology to Dad after I left the sports block with the application form in my hand, but I knew he wouldn't have minded. He would be pleased I was making an effort to pull myself together and do something worthwhile.

The house was empty when I got home from school, a note from Mom on the kitchen counter to say she was over at Tiffany Call's house and I should help myself to whatever was in the refrigerator. I grabbed a cold meat pie and some juice and filled in the application form for the scholarship while I waited for Leah to get home from work.

"Doing homework already?" she asked when she saw me writing.

"No. Planning my future."

"What? You got another three years at school yet, Seth."

"Not if I can help it." I explained about the scholarship, that even with the form filled in and working hard for the next seven months I wasn't guaranteed of getting in, but it was worth a shot. There was nothing else I wanted to do and I was desperate to get out of La Push.

"Seth, you're too young to go and live in Portland on your own," Leah said.

"I'll be sixteen then and I won't be on my own - I'll have room mates. Come on, Leah, please. I want this!"

"Mom will have kittens."

"She won't. I'm not telling her until I know if I win a place or not. If I get one, then I'll tell her."

Leah sighed heavily. "You won't forget about him quicker just because you're in another town."

"No, but I won't keep hoping I'm going to run into him. You know how hard it is not to go and call at the tattoo store or the apartment? It's not going away. It hasn't gone away in eighteen months."

Leah chewed her lip for a moment. "Damn you. Give me that pen. And put my cellphone down for the contact in case they call and want to speak to Mrs Clearwater - otherwise you'll be screwed."

"Yes!"

I flung my arms about her and swung her off her feet, spinning around a couple of times until she screamed.

"For God's sake, Seth! Put me down. And remember you owe me for this - big time."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I shoved a pen into her hand and watched as she signed 'Sue Clearwater' in Mom's handwriting at the bottom of the form.

"That's pretty good," I said.

"I had some practise," she admitted. "I used to write my own sick notes when I was in school."

"Hmm, well I think you owe me then, for keeping quiet about your fraudulent use of Mom's name," I smirked.

Somehow Leah and I managed to keep my plan a secret right up until my sixteenth birthday. I flogged myself to death with the schoolwork and managed to achieve A grades in every subject except Chemistry which I hated with a vengeance and consistently failed, but so long as you had top grades in Math, English and four other subjects it was enough.

In addition, I played sports - every chance I got. Obviously I did the football training and excelled at it, much to everybody's surprise, including my own because I still didn't particularly enjoy it. But on top of that I ran and swam, played basketball with Collin and Brady and hung out at Sam's using his multi-gym whenever I could, making the excuse that I was too skinny and weak looking and would probably stay single forever if I didn't improve things.

I did well, got fit and grew muscles and outwardly I guess I looked like I was enjoying life, but inside I hated it. I hated the extra schoolwork and the exhausting training and never having any time to myself and most of all I hated that I was still hoping one day I would see Paul - that he might come over to Sam's again, or bump into me in the street or on the beach.

I would imagine these little scenarios in my head where we would run into each other and he would say, 'Hey, Seth, where have you been? I miss you. I should never have let you walk away.' It was never going to happen and each time I thought of it, I was reminded why I was putting myself through so much; so that I could leave.

Collin and Brady were the only people besides Leah whom I confided in. I didn't even tell Jake and Embry and despite them and Quil and Jared still being at school, they had exams approaching and didn't pay much attention to what I was doing in my classes or how much time I was suddenly spending playing football.

The seniors' exams were all finished by the end of April and then their time at school was over. Jake immediately started setting up his garage, Embry took a job in a warehouse until he found something better and Quil and Jared began applying for college places.

I sat my exams in May and I knew I nailed them. The results came out two days before my birthday and I had an A in every subject except Chemistry and in that I got B+, which amazed everyone. Mom was over the moon with my results and immediately began talking about my senior years in school. I held my tongue until I'd been back to school to see the coach. All the guys applying for the scholarship were summoned on a Saturday morning and I waited impatiently for the four names to be called out. There were twelve of us altogether and none of the first three places were given to me. I wasn't going to get in. Damnit. All that fucking work for nothing and I would still have to stay here two more years.

"Seth Clearwater," said Mr Blake.

"Yes, Sir?"

"You got a place," he said, eyebrows raised.

"No kidding! Sorry, Sir. Um...thanks," I stammered.

The eight other guys left disappointed and I couldn't help feeling a pang of guilt that I had a place that I was taking for all the wrong reasons when they were all desperate to get the scholarship and now had to go home with nothing.

The four of us who had got in stayed listening to the coach for an hour as he told us what the two year course would be like, what would be expected of us and advised that we would need to be in Portland the last week in August to get settled into the apartment allocated to us and visit the college.

"We get an apartment?" asked one of the other guys eagerly.

"Yes, but don't get too excited," Mr Blake said sternly. "The block is used solely by the college for its students. Some of the coaches also live on the premises and they soon catch on to any nonsense."

"Aww, Sir!" the other kid groaned. "It won't be any different than being at home with my Mom and Dad."

One of the other guys sniggered. After we were allowed to leave I spent a little while getting to know the other three I would be going to Portland with and sharing a home with. I knew them already, obviously from playing football in school, but we didn't really know anything much of a personal nature about each other. Their names were Randy, Bobbie and Tim and they all seemed like pretty cool guys and all were eager to leave the reservation for various reasons.

Randy's parents had recently split and were fighting over who he would live with; Bobbie's younger twin sisters were the apples of his parents eyes and he was mostly ignored and Tim had broken up with a girl he had been with since they were fourteen after she dropped him for someone else.

"So, what about you, Seth?" Randy asked me then. "What are you running away from?"

"Um...just something that didn't work out," I said. They all knew I was gay, or at least I thought they did. Collin and I had made it obvious enough when we together.

"Anyone we know?" Tim asked.

"Maybe it's two of them - not been messing with Jake and Embry, have you, Seth?" Bobbie grinned.

Clearly none of them cared, which was something of a relief. It hadn't really crossed my mind until that moment, but now it did I would have hated to end up in an apartment with guys who had the same attitude as Steve and Jason.

"Yeah, funny, guys," I said. "You wouldn't know him. Anyway, I can't wait to get to Portland."

When I arrived home later, Leah grabbed me when I had barely made it through the door.

"Did you get a place?"

"Yes!"

"That's awesome! Well done, Seth!" She gave me a hug. "You worked so hard, you deserve it."

"Deserve what?" Mom came out of the kitchen, eyebrows raised. "What have you been up to?"

"I won a scholarship," I blurted out. "I didn't want to tell you I was going for it because I didn't think you'd like the idea and I might not have got a place anyway. But I just found out I got in so..."

"Scholarship? In what? Where?" Mom asked. "Obviously not here. Seth, how could you do this without telling me?"

"Mom, it's ok, I knew," Leah said. "It'll do him good, make him stand on his own feet."

"You knew too? Leah! Honestly, you two! Seth, you're only sixteen!" cried Mom. "I won't have you going off God knows where on your own, you're too young."

"Mom, it's only Portland," I said. "It's not even two hundred miles."

"One-sixty," Leah put in. "Mom, sit down and listen." She took over completely, ushering Mom over to the sofa and telling her how hard I worked, that my good grades were all down to how much I wanted to win the scholarship and how I had become a team player, grown up, toughened up. I loved Leah to bits at that moment. She didn't have to tell me I owed her big time - I knew I did.

Eventually Mom began to come around to the idea. The fact that she was proud of how much I achieved in my apparent determination to win the scholarship helped and by the time I finished telling her about the course, the other three guys I would be going with and the apartment, she was all set to take me to Port Angeles to buy clothes and sports equipment and anything else I might need before I left in just nine weeks.

I continued working out, running and swimming throughout the summer and hanging out with the guys again. Jake and Embry in particular were astonished by my choice of football as a career and I didn't tell them the real reason for my going. I had always confided in them, especially Jake, but not this time. I thought if he knew I was only doing it to run away because I was still hurting, he would worry about me being miserable in Portland. And so the only two people who knew the whole story were Leah and Collin.

I didn't expect to see Paul again, but on the last day before I left I was over at Sam's joining in with one last barbeque, all of us talking about the fact that I was leaving for college, when he turned up on a motorcycle - not the Harley, but a smaller street bike. I was sitting at the picnic table facing the house and the hair stood up on the back of my neck when I heard its engine. Jared got up and went to speak to Paul and I sat there, my mouth dry and my heart hammering, trying to concentrate on what Quil was asking me about the three guys I was going to Portland with. I wouldn't let myself turn around and look at him, but a little later when Sam sent me into the house to fetch some more beers, Paul followed and when I turned away from the refrigerator he was standing right behind me.

"Hey," I said, clutching the bottles tighter so that I didn't drop them.

"Hey, Seth." He took one of the beers from me, but didn't open it. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah...I'm...um...I won a football scholarship," I stammered."In Portland."

"I didn't know you played football."

"Well, I started...last year."

"When do you have to leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. So how are you? You're tattooing now, right?" I asked. I was shaking and my hands were becoming so damp I worried the bottles may slip from them.

"Yeah. I'm getting to be decent at it."

"That's good."

"Seth! Where are those beers?" Sam yelled from outside.

"Yeah, on the way!" I shouted back.

"I'll...um...Seth, you can call, you know, if you get any trouble or anything," Paul said.

"Ok." My heart lurched and I swallowed hard. It almost seemed like he was disappointed I was leaving, but I must just be imagining it; longing for him to miss me. "Thanks," I added. "I will."

I went back outside with the beers and handed them around, then sat down again. I found it impossible to eat now and nibbled half heartedly at a piece of chicken which almost choked me. Paul barely stayed an hour and then headed back to his bike and rode off after calling out 'good luck' to me and 'see you' to the others. Then he was gone and I kept going over and over his words in my head - 'you can call if you get any trouble...' - and trying not to read something into it which hadn't been there.

When the time finally came to leave the next morning, I said goodbye to Mom at home, Leah having persuaded her not to come with us and cry all over me in front of my room mates and embarrass me. Then Mark and Leah drove me there, my clothes, music, laptop and various other things stashed in the back of the truck and covered by a tarpaulin to protect them from the persistent rain. We arrived at the accommodation in Portand just before two o'clock and Randy had also just arrived with his Dad. They were running backwards and forwards with boxes of belongings and stopped briefly to speak to me. Then they carried on and Mark, Leah and I joined in with my things.

Tim had been the first to arrive and had therefore chosen what he considered to be the best bedroom in the apartment. It was at the front of the building and he could see a local bar from the window. Randy had taken the other room at the front and I was third to choose. The remaining bedrooms were identical except that one was on the end of the building and the other at the rear. The rest of the apartment was taken up by a reasonably large living room, bathroom and kitchen. I took the room at the rear and in less than a half hour all my boxes and bags of things were piled on the floor beside the bed and Mark and Leah were getting ready to drive back.

"God, I can't believe my little brother's going away to college," Leah sniffled, giving me a hug.

"Put a lid on it, Leah, you wouldn't let Mom come because she'd cry over me and now you're doing it," I said, hugging her back.

"Sorry, Seth." She let go of me and blew her nose loudly. "You'll do great, I know it. Remember, we want an email a day - without fail - or Mom will be turning up to bug you."

"Sure, ok, email every day," I repeated.

Mark grinned. "Good luck with everything."

"Thanks," I nodded.

He got back in the truck, Leah gave me one last hug and climbed in beside him and a moment later they were driving away. I stood there in the small parking lot at the side of the building and watched until they disappeared from view, my hands stuffed into my pockets, telling myself I was finally free, I could make a future for myself if I worked hard enough and I wouldn't have to actually live in La Push again if I didn't want to.

I went back inside and made my way up the four flights of stairs to the apartment. Randy was in his room with the door open, talking to someone on his cellphone. Tim had commandeered the television in the living room and was watching a baseball game. As yet, there was no sign of Bobbie. I went into my new room and began unpacking my clothes, hanging them away in the small wardrobe, putting other things into the small chest beside the bed. It didn't take long to unpack and then I lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about Mark and Leah driving back to Portland, listening to Randy's voice rambling on in the distance, the sounds of the television in the background.

I had done it - I had left everything behind and taken just a few small steps out into the world. I had never felt so lonely and lost in my life.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

I hadn't expected that homesickness would affect me so badly. The first week was the worst because college hadn't actually started so although we were shown around, introduced to the coach and tutors and given various study materials and schedules, we didn't actually have very much to do.

Of course I had Randy, Bobbie and Tim to talk to who were all in the same boat, but they seemed to be pretty relaxed about being away from home and couldn't wait to start meeting people and partying. In fact on Friday night our apartment ended up crammed with about a dozen guys, all eating pizza, drinking beer that a couple of them had managed to obtain from God knows where and making enough noise to bring one of the coaches to our door twice during the evening to reprimand us. I joined in, not wanting to be a party pooper, but really the last thing I wanted was people milling around, shouting and laughing and dragging me into stupid games.

I was glad when Monday came and finally we could get down to work. There were the usual academic classes to go to for half of each day and the other half was taken up by sports - mainly football, but with track and swimming thrown in. Saturdays usually involved football training in the morning and either a trip to watch a game in the afternoon or taking part in an inter-college game. I put one hundred per cent into everything to keep my mind off my inner misery and consistently achieved the highest grades in everything, as well as being picked for the Saturday team at least half of the time and as a reserve otherwise.

I had no problem getting through the days - it was the nights and the Sundays which I hated the most. I missed Mom and Leah and Jake and Embry and the others horribly. I sent the promised email to Mom every day, telling her I got a grade A in my recent Math test or played a position in the football game we took part in and that I got on well with my three room mates, but what I really wanted to say was that I hated being away from them, I was lonely and I wished I was back home in La Push.

Mom and Leah sent back cheerful emails, telling me all the news I was no longer part of - Jake's business taking off rapidly, Emily moving in with Sam, Jared and Kim getting engaged, Quil finally getting himself a girl, Mark taking Leah to Florida for a week of sun. Jake and Sam and Collin all emailed me themselves too, telling me more detail on what they were doing. Collin had a boyfriend in the year below him at school and they had to see each other in secret because the kid's parents didn't know he was gay and he was too scared to tell them. Everyone was moving on without me, enjoying their lives, not knowing that every message I got from them made me more miserable.

Of course I hadn't forgotten Paul - I doubted I ever would, especially since he had spoken to me the day before I left. I kept trying to convince myself he was just being friendly, but I constantly wondered if he ever thought about me, if he would have wanted to see me if I was still in La Push. Or maybe he was moving on too; maybe he had found someone he wanted to be with; someone who stayed over with him in the apartment now he lived alone.

I found myself longing for the Christmas holidays when I could go home for two weeks and see everyone. By now I had got my drivers licence and so had the other three guys I lived with, so rather than have our families all drive over to fetch us home, we rented a 4x4 between us and Tim and I each drove half of the journey back to La Push. None of them particularly cared about using the truck over the holidays, so I dropped each of them off and then drove home, promising to keep in touch and collect them all two days before we were expected back at college after New Year.

The two weeks went by way too fast. I loved every minute being with Mom and Leah and seeing all my friends again. I asked Leah about Paul and she said no one had seen anything of him for months. Jared had talked to him on the phone once and he had said he was going to spend Christmas in Tacoma with his Aunt, but that was all anybody knew.

I returned to Portland with the other guys on second January, a smile fixed on my face, determined to make more effort to get on with my life with the start of the new semester. I had chosen this for myself and I knew I should at least try to enjoy things. I might have left for all the wrong reasons, but at least the college aspect of it was working out, so I decided from now on I would make the rest of it work too.

I began joining in more with whatever the other three guys did, whether it was hanging out at a nearby diner, taking a trip out somewhere on a Sunday or partying with other students and once I started making myself do it, I did actually enjoy myself. Randy, Bobbie and Tim were constantly bringing girls back to the apartment by then too and they harassed me about my lack of a sex life. It was still the last thing on my mind, but eventually in March when I received a surprising invitation to go on a date, I agreed. Maybe involving myself with someone was exactly what I needed.

The guy wasn't a college student - he worked in the diner where I went regularly with the others and he was four years older than me. He was blond, blue-eyed, well built and funny and his name was Perry. I had been eating brunch in the diner that Sunday with Bobbie and Tim - Randy was still in bed with some girl he had brought back on Saturday night. As we made to leave, Perry caught me up and asked if I wanted to go out on Friday. He had just turned twenty-one and intended to take me to a bar. Most of the guys working in there were apparently his friends and he had been getting served alcohol since he was my age, so I wouldn't have to worry either.

I hesitated for a moment, but then agreed. He was attractive and he seemed like a nice guy. He always hung around our table chatting for a few minutes when he served us and I thought I would probably enjoy spending time with him. He said he would pick me up from outside the apartment block at eight on Friday night. I caught the others up outside and they immediately teased me.

"Ooh, someone's got a hot date!"

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Yeah, yeah, shut up, guys," I grinned.

"You know we're going to want a full report on Saturday morning," Tim said.

"Fuck, Tim, you might, but I'll give that one a miss," Bobbie said, smirking.

And so on Friday night I found myself waiting outside the apartment building just before eight, full of nerves and in two minds about cancelling. I had only actually dated Collin and we had been friends first; I had trusted him and we'd talked about pretty much everything. And Paul - well, I had trusted him too. Despite the way he behaved most of the time, he had been good to me on the handful of occasions I spent any time with him.

I didn't know Perry from Adam and I wondered if maybe I should have tried to get to know him a bit better before agreeing to go out drinking with him. But it was too late now - he pulled up in front of me in a bright blue Trans Am and leaned over to shove the door open for me. I had to wonder how he could afford a car like that on a waiter's wages.

I slid into the seat and the door was barely closed before we took off with a squeal of tyres. He drove to a bar maybe ten minutes away, parked up at the kerb a little way down the street and we walked in.

I didn't know quite what was the matter with me - maybe just nervousness at being out with someone new - but I kept feeling as if something wasn't quite right. It was nothing I could put my finger on, but I couldn't relax at all.

Perry bought me a beer and we sat in a corner chatting. He told me the car had been a twenty-first birthday gift from his parents and that he had gone to the same college I was at a couple of years earlier. He asked me a lot of questions about myself - where I came from, what my family were like, what I liked doing - and some others that I wasn't that comfortable about answering. How many boyfriends had I had; did I sleep with them; did I do one night stands. I skirted around them, wondering why he was asking. Did he plan on taking me somewhere later? Because I had already decided I wasn't doing anything on a first date.

After the second beer, he suggested we go and get something to eat at a fast food joint a couple minutes walk from the bar and I agreed, thinking I had better eat something to soak up the alcohol. At least he didn't seem to be trying to get me drunk. We strolled out of the rear door of the bar and he grasped hold of my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and for a moment I thought maybe I was worrying about nothing, but still I was uneasy.

We turned another corner into an alley and he stopped walking and turned towards me. He touched my face with his free hand and met my eyes.

"You seem tense, are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's a long time since I did this," I said.

"I suppose you think that makes it better," Perry said, his smile suddenly disappearing.

"What?"

"You fucking fags are all the same, whether you do it once in a while..." He took his hand off my face and grabbed me by the throat suddenly. "...or run around spreading disease with as many as you can find!"

I was so shocked, for a moment I did nothing. I had known something was wrong from the beginning, but I didn't expect this. So he picked me up for the sole purpose of 'punishing' me or whatever he thought it was?

His hand tightened around my throat and he slammed me against a nearby wall, jarring my back and stunning me. I was a lot tougher than I had been when Steve and Jason attacked me and I fought back, getting in a nice upper cut and a punch to his stomach. He let go of me, gasping for breath briefly and I threw another punch, but he dodged it and slammed his fist into my side, then followed it up with one to my head as I staggered back, winded and while I couldn't defend myself he hit me just above my right kidney. Then I knew I was in trouble. No one was in sight, the alley was dark and secluded and this time Paul wasn't going to miraculously appear and save me.

I struggled against my breathlessness and pain and lashed out again, but I felt a little dizzy from the blow to the head and sick from the kidney punch and again I missed.

"You know you fight like a girl," Perry spat. "Guess that's only to be expected; you dirty cocksuckers are all the same!"

His fists landed on my face again, one after the other and I felt indescribable pain as my nose burst and blood gushed from both nostrils and down my throat, making me gag. I almost fell, my head spinning and as I lurched sideways my head collided with the wall. Then everything went black.

I didn't know how long I was unconscious. I think I drifted in and out for a while, but when I woke properly I was surrounded by bright whiteness and I discovered I was in a hospital bed with a nurse bending over me.

"Oh, you're awake," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone hit me," I mumbled. My lips were sore and swollen and I could only breathe through my mouth - my nostrils were plugged with wadding.

"How much can you remember?" the nurse asked.

"Um..." My heart began to hammer and I broke out in a sweat. I could remember everything all too clearly and all I could think of was that if I told the truth, she would fetch the cops, I would have to make a statement, describe everything in detail while they all probably thought I deserved it. Then they'd go and arrest Perry and he'd have another reason to come looking for me.

"I don't remember much," I said. "I think I must have been mugged. I was hit from behind and I didn't see the guy's face. It might have been two, I don't know."

She nodded. "That's not uncommon in the part of town where you were found. You've been very lucky. Your nose is broken, the inside of your lips have been cut by your teeth and you have a concussion from a bump on the head. Some severe bruising around your ribs too, but everything will heal by itself. We're going to keep you in for a little while because of the concussion, but then you'll be able to go home."

"Good. Thanks," I said.

"Is there anyone you want us to call?"

"No. I'm at college here. My family's in Washington, I don't want to worry them."

"Alright. There's just one thing puzzling us. These muggers didn't take your wallet. It was in your jeans pocket," she told me.

"Well, he or they must have been disturbed then."

"Are you sure there's not more to it? Have you had a disagreement with anyone at all?"

"No, nothing," I said honestly. "I don't know anyone that would have done this on purpose."

She left it at that and instead began to remove the wadding from my nose, reporting that the bleeding had stopped. When she left me I lay there alone, wondering how the hell I had got myself into such a situation. Why hadn't I cancelled when I orginally considered it? Why hadn't I walked away when I had the chance, when I had felt so uneasy from the start? Why couldn't I fight better?

I wanted nothing more than to call Leah or Jake at that moment, but there was no way I could tell them what happened. They would come racing over in a panic, give me the third degree and probably make me quit college and go back to La Push.

'You can call me, you know, if you get any trouble or anything.'

Paul's words popped into my head as I lay there with my eyes closed and my head pounding. It was the last thing he had said to me and I knew he meant it, but despite that I cringed at the thought. I couldn't help feeling pathetic for getting myself beaten up and I could imagine Paul tearing to Portland in a rage, grilling me even more than Leah and Jake and then hunting Perry down and kicking the shit out of him. Then everybody would find out what happened; they'd either think I was stupid and weak for not being able to look after myself or they'd laugh at me for trying to get it on with a straight guy, or something like that.

No - I would keep it to myself and forget about it, but it would certainly be the last time I accepted a date from someone I didn't know; I would rather be alone.

The hospital let me leave in the early afternoon on Saturday and I took a cab back to the apartment, having no clue how to get there from where I was. I had missed that day's training session and I knew I would be in trouble with the coach on Monday. I let myself into the building and walked stiffly up the stairs. The guys were all in, surprisingly for a Saturday afternoon.

"Oh, here he comes," I heard Randy say. "Seth, you're in so much shit with the coach! You could have called if you were going to stay out all night getting laid, we would have covered for you."

I turned into the living room and all three stopped laughing, their mouths dropping open.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Tim exclaimed.

"Some dickheads jumped me when I was waiting for Perry to pick me up," I said. I'd been working out what I would say on the journey back from the hospital. Better to say I'd never seen him, otherwise the story would just get more complicated.

"What, you mean right outside? Shit, Seth! Have you reported it?" Bobbie said. "Did you see the guys that did it?"

"No, they got me from behind. I'm fine, really, it's just a broken nose."

"You don't look fine, your eyes are both black and your lips are swollen," Tim said.

"Shit," I muttered. I hadn't seen myself, but I guessed a fist in the nose would result in black eyes too.

"We better tell the coach," said Randy. "If these guys are hanging around here they could get some other kid too."

"Yeah, I guess," I said reluctantly. Great; I was going to have to go over it in a lot more detail after all. "I'm going to bed for a while," I said. "My head's killing me."

I stayed in bed until Sunday morning. Although I slept, I was plagued with horrible dreams. What happened with Perry kept replaying itself in my mind like a movie reel and I woke up twice drenched in sweat, hoping I hadn't been yelling in my sleep. The other guys didn't say anything the next day so I guessed I hadn't, but I was tired and sore and jumpy and I made an idiot out of myself the minute I left my room.

I went into the kitchen to get some coffee, opened the refrigerator to grab the milk and Tim appeared behind me, reaching around me for something else in the fridge before I closed the door. His arm suddenly appeared rapidly in my peripheral vision and I dodged sideways with a yell, throwing my arm up as I might have if his fist was coming at me.

"Holy shit, Seth!" Tim exclaimed.

"Sorry...um...y-you startled me," I stammered.

"Hell, that mugging really shook you up," he said. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry. Just jumpy, that's all."

I finished making the coffee and went back to my room. My hands were shaking and I barely got the mug down on the table without spilling it. I switched my laptop on and checked my emails, cursing myself for being scared of nothing.

"Hey, Seth," Randy said, sticking his head around the door a little later. "We're going for brunch soon, are you coming to the diner?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "Um...no, I don't think so. Perry must think I stood him up, he's probably pissed at me."

"So tell him what happened. If he likes you he's not going to be pissed."

"No, I don't want to. I thought better of it anyway."

"Ok, well we can go somewhere else if you want. Ihop maybe?" Randy suggested.

"Uh...no, thanks, I think I'd probably scare the rest of the customers right now." I forced a smile. "You go. I got some emails to answer."

"Ok. You sure you're alright?" he asked.

"Yeah. See you later."

The three of them went out and left me and I turned my attention back to the latest message from Jake. He had bought Embry a ring for his birthday and included a picture of it with the message - heavy silver with a tribal design on the outside and engraving on the inside.

They loved each other so much and I only felt more lost. I needed them and I was so tempted to grab the phone and call Jake, tell him what happened, take comfort from his voice, but I couldn't do it. Instead I began to slowly type out a reply to the email, telling him I knew Embry would love the ring and that I would email him on his birthday. I finished by saying I intended to go out for brunch with my room mates and then clicked 'send' and put the laptop away.

I sprawled out on the bed and lay thinking about La Push, wondering what everyone was doing at that moment and wishing for the thousandth time that I was back there, but I was just going to have to stick it out. It would be so easy right now to just quit and go home, but I didn't want to fail; let Mom and Leah down; let myself down. I wanted to cry, but I ground my teeth together and determinedly swallowed it, telling myself to toughen up. I would be seventeen in three months - far too old to be whining because I missed my Mom and had a run in with a jerk like Perry.

I kept on telling myself that as tiredness overtook me and I slid into a midday sleep and another violent nightmare.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

It took me a week to get out of the apartment. One of the coaches came to see me after the other guys made excuses for me on Monday and I had to tell him I was attacked. I made it as vague as possible, but with a broken nose and severe bruising, obviously I couldn't do sports and so long as I studied in the apartment I wasn't forced to go to the classes either. I thought I was ok as I spent Monday reading 'Twelfth Night' in preparation for an English essay, but when the guys returned at the end of the afternoon, throwing the apartment door open so that it crashed against the wall, I almost jumped out of my skin. I was in my room with the door closed and I sat shivering until their voices told me it was them.

The next few days passed in much the same way until on Friday I sat in the living room, looking out the window at the goings on below, thinking it was about time I got a hold of myself and went back to class. I watched the people below - two guys arguing after a fender bender, a boy and girl having a lovers' tiff, two kids bouncing a ball against the end wall of the bar. Then a blond guy appeared, walking purposefully towards the apartment block and my heart began to thump. I could only see the top of his head, but I immediately thought it was Perry. When he stopped at the outer door of the block and then our buzzer sounded, I froze in horror. It _was_ him, come to finish what he started. I continued peering downwards, waiting to see what happened when I didn't answer the intercom. A minute passed and he peered at the panel beside the door, then punched another button. A few seconds later the door sprang open and he stepped inside.

Oh fuck, he got someone else to let him in. I stood there shaking for a moment before my brain began to work and I ran to the door, put the chain on and shot the bolts top and bottom, then leaned against it waiting for him to knock or ring the bell. I was panting, sweat breaking out all over my body and I looked at my watch to see how long I had to wait for the guys to get back. It was barely two o'clock, they would be hours yet.

I glanced at the time again eventually and noted it was two-twenty. Nothing had happened. Obviously the guy hadn't been Perry at all, but someone visiting another apartment and pressing our buzzer first by accident, but this realisation didn't lessen my fear any. I was furious with myself, but I couldn't seem to do anything about it and I dreaded the time coming when I would eventually have to go outside again and get back to normality. There was still a chance I would run into him - or someone else who had it in for me.

I managed to avoid going out over the weekend, but when Monday came around again I couldn't make excuses any longer for avoiding classes. Randy was in both Math and English with me that morning much to my relief, so at least I didn't have to go over there alone. How I managed to hide what I was going through from the other guys so far, I didn't know. They had commented several times that I was a bit quiet and weird, but I kept using the concussion as an excuse and saying my head and my nose hurt and I just needed to rest. But a week on I couldn't keep saying that and I knew I was going to have to try to be my usual self.

I stepped briskly out of the building with Randy, telling myself nothing was going to happen and that I was just being stupid, but my imagination wouldn't play ball and I was convinced someone was going to creep up on me. I kept glancing over my shoulder as we walked to the college buildings, growing more and more nervous as we got further from the apartment.

"What's with you?" Randy asked me as he looked up from a text message he was tapping out to some girl as we walked.

"Nothing, why?"

"You're pale and sweaty."

"I still don't feel so good."

"Well, don't go to class then."

"I have to, I can't keep missing everything, my grades will slip." I took a deep breath and determined to get over it. We were in the college grounds and I wasn't on my own; absolutely nothing was going to happen.

Of course nothing did happen - except that I got a lousy grade for my 'Twelfth Night' essay in the English class. Randy had handed it in for me on Wednesday and the papers were returned to us at the start of the class. I stared at the C+ written in red ink at the top of the essay and sighed heavily. I'd never gotten a grade that low in English.

"Shit," I said before I could stop myself.

"Mr Clearwater, if you object to the grade I gave for your essay, perhaps you should have made more effort to produce a higher standard of work," the tutor said sternly.

"Sorry, Sir," I muttered and bit my tongue before I was tempted to swear again.

The rest of the day progressed in pretty much the same manner. I couldn't get my head around the trigonometry problems in the Math class and when I swam in the afternoon, being excluded from running and football for another two weeks while my nose healed, the flailing arms of other swimmers either side of me continually made me nervous. I told myself it was probably understandable - my first day out of the apartment since I got beat up - and that I would be fine in another couple of days, but in the meantime it seemed like an interminably long and exhausting day. When Randy and I got home I mumbled something about getting on top of my homework and shut myself in my room, relieved to have made it back to my sanctuary in one piece.

I wasn't fine in a couple of days like I told myself I would be. I thought the more I went out and got on with things, the quicker I would be ok, but it worked in the opposite way. Fear continued to overtake common sense and I started seeing a potential attacker in everybody who came too near me with the exception of my room mates. I had to force myself out of the door every morning to go to class and I couldn't concentrate on anything. My grades in every subject slipped and on Friday my Math tutor kept me back after class to ask me what the problem was. As I watched Randy walk out the door and disappear down the corridor, all I could think about was that I would have to leave the class on my own.

"What?" I grunted in response to the tutor's voice, not having heard what he said.

"Seth, both myself and my colleagues are becoming concerned about your ability to apply yourself," Mr Thompson said. "Not to mention your rude and surly attitude. Considering up until now you've been a top student, we're willing to give you a little grace, but we do expect more effort starting from Monday."

"Yes, Sir," I said.

"Is something going on that you need help with?" he added. "Trouble with other students? Or at home, maybe?"

"No, nothing," I said.

"You were attacked a little while ago, weren't you?" he pressed.

"I've pretty much forgotten about that," I lied. I wished he would just let me go.

"Well, if there is anything you want to talk about, any of the tutors are happy to listen," he said.

"Sure. Thanks, Sir."

He nodded at me and I left the class. I had to get myself together. I was a mess and I was fucking everything up for myself. My stupid mind was ruining things and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it. What I wanted more than anything was to run back to the apartment, shut myself in my room and stay there. Which was just stupid.

Another week passed and things didn't get any better. In fact on Thursday they got much worse. I forced myself to go out in the evening with my room mates, thinking if I made the effort I would see there was nothing out there to be scared of and I would be fine. We went to the movies to see 'The Wrestler', stocked up on popcorn and coke and sat in the back row with our feet up on the seats in front. A number of other kids walked into the theatre while we waited for the trailers to start and just before the lights went down, a couple came in and I completely froze. It was Perry with a girl. It wasn't just some blond guy that looked like him; it was actually him. Randy, Bobbie and Tim, fighting for the popcorn, didn't even notice and I sat there shaking as I watched the pair of them make their way to seats a couple of rows in front of us. Perry didn't appear to see me, but that didn't make it any better.

The lights faded a moment later and I gripped the arms of my seat, certain he would turn around at some point and see me. Then what? He'd come back here and have a go at me? Wait until I left? The fact that I was with three other guys made no difference and I couldn't control my panic. I stuck it out until a half hour into the film, during which a couple of fighting scenes only brought back what had happened to me more clearly. Then I elbowed Tim who was next to me, whispered that I felt sick and fled.

The movie theatre was eight blocks from the apartment building and I ran as fast as my shaky legs would carry me, gasping for breath, convinced he was following me, but each glance over my shoulder revealed only an empty street with one or two people wandering idly on the other side of it. I reached the apartment block in a few minutes, let myself in and bounded up the stairs, then had to make several attempts to jam the key into the lock, my hands shaking too much to line it up properly. Finally I was inside and I slammed the door closed, shot the bolts, put the chain on and switched on the lights.

I had never been so terrified in my life and it seemed ridiculous to me. This hadn't happened when Steve and Jason tried to beat me up; I'd just got on with things. But Paul had been around then and somehow I had felt that I wouldn't get any more trouble after he finished with the two guys. For the first time I thought seriously about calling him. I even went as far as to look up the tattoo studio on the internet for the phone number since I didn't have his cell, but although I wrote down the number I didn't call. I talked myself out of it, just as I had talked myself out of calling anyone right after the attack. I felt ashamed and I didn't want to admit to it.

I remembered to go and unlock the door again a couple hours later so the guys could get in, otherwise I would have more explaining to do. Then I hid in my room, waiting until I heard them arrive, shivering under the covers and pretending to be asleep when Tim knocked on the door and called out quietly to ask if I was alright.

I didn't go to class the next day, making out I was still sick. I knew the other guys were getting suspicious of my odd behaviour and on Saturday when I was supposed to be joining them for football training for the first time since I got hurt, I even went to the extent of running into the bathroom, leaving the door open a crack and then shoving my fingers into my throat to make myself sick so they would all hear it and think I had a genuine reason for skipping the training.

I stayed in my room all day Sunday, emailing Mom and Jake and making up shit about what we were all doing, then just lying on the bed, listening to Randy boasting loudly about his latest conquest and the three of them planning a trip out that afternoon. Once again they left me alone and this time, rather than bolt the apartment door, I jammed a chair under the handle of my bedroom door, wishing I thought to buy a couple of bolts to put on it instead.

Monday, one of the coaches came to see me. Since I refused to admit anything was wrong, but continually skipped training and produced progressively poor work in class, I was given a warning. I had a week to turn things around and if I didn't, my place would be given to a more deserving student who would work for the opportunity offered to him. Despite my determination that I wouldn't fail Mom and Leah or myself, I was doing it anyway and I couldn't see how I was going to change things. I couldn't make myself set foot out of the apartment again and I repeated the self-induced vomiting several times in order to convince my room mates to leave me alone.

On Friday, I finally admitted to myself I had to get someone to help me. The irrational fear was ruining my life and I'd let it get the better of me for weeks when I should have done something about it at the beginning. I had never seen myself as a victim, but I was one now and when I looked in the mirror at myself I hated what I saw. The kid looking back at me was a stranger; someone who looked strained, scared and unhappy, almost as if he had given up.

I waited for the guys to go off to class and then grabbed the landline phone from the kitchen and took it into my room. It took me until the late afternoon to actually dial the number, which was imprinted on my memory since I had looked it up a week ago. I punched in each number steadily, one after another, my stomach in a knot, heart pounding, hands sweating. What if he didn't even want to hear from me?

"Yeah?"

I lost my nerve. I couldn't think of one single word to say and while I held my breath, wondering if I should hang up, Paul demanded, "Who is this?"

In the background I heard a woman's voice call out, "Don't be long, honey, dinner's ready!"

I hung up. He was about to have dinner, probably with Aunt Pauline. It had been too long; he probably didn't want to hear from me now anyway. I made one excuse after another to myself and then after some more deliberating, I called Jake instead. His cellphone went to voicemail and when I called his house, his Dad answered and said he had gone out for dinner with Embry.

"Sure, of course...Friday night," I said.

"Shall I get him to call you, Seth?" Billy Black asked me.

"No, don't worry, I'll text him," I said. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

It seemed as if everything was conspiring against me; mostly my own reluctance to admit what a mess I was. I didn't text Jake. I took the landline phone back in the kitchen and switched my cellphone off, deciding I would leave it until the next day and just call Jake if I still felt the same. As usual, I went to bed early and wedged the chair under the door handle to prevent anyone coming in without warning.

I woke early after another nightmare, forced myself to calm down and then sneaked out of the room to use the bathroom, finding that my room mates were all still in their rooms and silent. I went back to bed, putting the chair back in its usual place, then somehow I fell asleep once more.

The next time I opened my eyes it was at the sound of the intercom buzzer. I froze and listened as Tim and Bobbie argued over who would leave their breakfast to answer it.

"Yeah?" I heard Tim say a moment later as he answered the visitor. "Ok, sure, come up."

"Who is it?" Bobbie asked.

"Some guy for Seth."

"Did he say who?"

"Didn't ask. I don't know what's going on with Seth lately, he's gone nuts."

"You don't think he's on something, do you?" Bobbie didn't bother lowering his voice and I scowled as I listened. "He's always puking his guts up and he looks like shit. You know he's going to get kicked out of college next week if he doesn't do something about it."

"Yeah, I heard," Tim said. "I don't get it. He was doing better than any of us."

The apartment bell rang and I did what any scared kid would do after a nightmare - curled up into the tightest ball I could and pulled the quilt around me. It was Perry, I just knew it. He would probably convince Bobbie and Tim he was worried about me and they would let him in and...

"Seth!" Tim knocked on my door.

Shit. Now what? They knew I was in here and I could hardly pretend to be asleep. "What!" I called back.

"Visitor here to see you!"

"I'm busy!" I replied desperately. My voice shook and sounded a touch screechy and I cleared my throat. God, go away, whoever you are.

"Seth?" The door handle tried to turn, but stuck on the chair back. "Come on, open the door."

The speaker knocked and I huddled on the bed, feeling pathetic and wishing the voice outside that sounded so much like Paul's actually was him. I knew it was just my imagination.

"Seth!"

"Leave me alone!" I yelled.

"What's been going on?" the voice demanded, a little quieter as if he turned away from the door.

"I'm not sure. He's been sick a lot," Bobbie said.

"He might have...um...been taking something," added Tim.

"Don't you know? You live with him, don't you?"

"We're not his keepers," Randy said.

"Seth!" There was a loud crash and the door shook in its frame. Horrified I cowered against the wall and watched as another loud bang resulted in the chair slipping a little.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Tim's voice demanded.

"Back off!" came the snarled response.

Another crash, the chair slid free and flipped sideways and the door flew open. I buried my face in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't believe my room mates were just letting him break in and come after me.

"Oh, God, Seth..." The bed shifted under his weight as he sat down. "Seth, it's me. Come here."

Hands gripped my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself staring into Paul's. He looked shocked and worried, but he was there, right in front of me.

"Paul?" For a moment I wondered if I was dreaming.

"I'm here."

He let go of my wrists and slid his hands up my arms. I could feel the heat of him through the long sleeved t-shirt I was wearing and I knew he was really here. I didn't know how or why, but he was with me and I was suddenly flooded with such an intense feeling of relief that I couldn't even speak. I repeated his name and that was as much as I could get out before I burst into tears.

His arms slid around me and drew me against his chest, holding me tight as I wept, my tears soaking his shirt. One of his hands stroked up and down my back, soothing me as I let all the pain and fear pour out. I felt safe for the first time in a month and I never wanted him to let me go.

Finally my tears dried up and I took my hands off Paul's chest where they were resting and slid my arms around him instead, hugging him back.

"God, Seth," he said again. "I don't know what the hell's been going on here, but whatever it is, it's over." His arms held me tighter for a moment. "I'm taking you home."


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I pulled away from Paul after a couple more minutes and wiped my face with my shirt sleeve.

"Shit," I muttered. "I'm such a mess."

"It's ok," he said softly, then looked over his shoulder at the other guys who were standing outside the door staring in. "Haven't you got something you should be doing?"

"Uh...yeah...um...Seth, are you ok?" Tim asked.

"Yeah." I grinned for about the first time in a month. "He's a...friend from La Push."

"We should get to training," Randy said. "What do you want us to tell coach?"

"That I'll speak to him later," I told him.

"Sure." The three of them gathered up their kit and left the apartment moments later. I immediately looked back at Paul. I still didn't know how he had known to just turn up right then, when I was so desperately in need of him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You called, didn't you?" he smiled.

"I never said anything," I reminded him.

"I know. Good thing I'm a nosy fucker then. I have caller ID and I looked up the area code. I don't know anyone else in Portland and I just got this weird feeling. I mean, why would you call and not say anything? I thought I'd just drive over here and check it out. Why didn't you speak to me?"

"I don't know, I guess I lost my nerve," I admitted. "I didn't want to dump my shit on you."

"I told you to call if you got any trouble and from where I'm sitting, it looks like you got a whole heap of it. So are you going to tell me what's been going on here?" Paul reached out again and took hold of my hand. I dropped my eyes in surprise and looked at his strong hand gripping mine.

"You look like hell, Seth," he continued. "Like you're scared. Your room mates seem to think you're doing drugs."

"It would probably seem like that to them," I said wrily. "I've been sick a lot and they must think I've been acting strangely."

I went back to the beginning and told him the whole story, starting with me feeling like I made a huge mistake by coming to Portland, then trying to make more effort after Christmas to do well rather than let myself down after I'd put so much into getting the scholarship in the first place.

"I never did get why you applied for that," Paul put in. "Everyone was surprised you would choose football for a career. Sam said you never really liked it."

"Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't know what I wanted to do and it just sort of presented itself to me." I wasn't about to tell him I had jumped at it for the sole reason of getting away from La Push to try to forget him.

I went on with the story, the brunches in the diner, Perry asking me out. I was surprised when Paul's brows drew together and he scowled, his hand tightening a fraction on mine. Why would he be pissed? He guessed the guy hurt me? Or...was he jealous? No, I couldn't believe that.

I told him about the date, how uneasy I was and how I wished I'd walked away when I had the chance. As I told him about being beaten and waking up in hospital, he cursed viciously under his breath and his face began to look agonised.

I continued with a brief description of my persistent and irrational fear since the attack which had resulted in me beginning to fail my classes and making every excuse I could think of to avoid training, including making myself sick. To my surprise, it seemed easy and a huge relief to let it all pour out and strangely I didn't feel embarrassed or ashamed either.

"Why didn't you call before when this first happened?" Paul asked sadly when I finished talking. I was somewhat amazed he hadn't just lost his temper and demanded to know where he could find Perry. "It's been how long? A month?"

"I thought I'd get over it," I said. "Then I just felt like a fool and a failure. I'm going to get thrown out next week," I added.

"No, you won't. You won't be here," he said firmly. "Like I said, I'm taking you home."

"But what about the scholarship?"

"Seth, do you really want to be here? Miles from home, from everybody you care about, doing something you hate?" he asked.

"No," I said without hesitation. Then I sighed heavily. "But I'll let everyone down. The college gave me a chance and I fucked it up."

"Don't worry about anyone else," Paul said. "What do _you _want. Put yourself first."

"I want to go home. I don't want to spend my life playing football, travelling around all over the damned country. I just don't know what I'll do when I get back. I can't exactly go back to school now and I'll never get a decent job."

"I think I know where you might find one, at least until you figure out what you want," Paul said. "I'll tell you about it on the way back. You should go and see whoever you need to advise that you're leaving."

"Ok. I better get a shower first."

I slid my hand free of his, grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom. I still couldn't believe he was here. I stood under the hot spray, feeling all the tension that I had held in me for so long seeping away. I was going home! It didn't even seem to matter any more that I would have to tell Mom and Leah and Jake that I failed. Paul cared about me, enough to have come racing all the way to Portland on the strength of a phone call he didn't even know for sure was from me and had held me in his arms and comforted me. Even if he only wanted to be my friend now, it was enough.

I finished the shower quickly, dried off and got dressed. When I emerged, Paul was pacing around the living room impatiently.

"Sorry, I was as quick as..."

"Seth, don't ever say sorry to me," he interrupted, his face relaxing. "I'm not pissed at you. So, do you want me to go with you to see the tutor or coach or whatever?"

"No. Thanks, I'll be fine," I said, surprised that I didn't feel anywhere near as worried about going out any more. "I need to see a couple of people."

"How long do you need? An hour?" Paul asked, glancing at his wristwatch.

"Yeah, I shouldn't be much longer than that," I nodded.

"I'll meet you outside the building when you're done," he told me. "Then we'll pack up your stuff and get out of here."

"Ok." I grabbed my keys and led the way out of the apartment, wondering how I would fare by the time I got over to the training fields. I considered asking Paul to go with me after all, but I didn't want to behave like any more of a wuss than I already had, not that he seemed to be in the least bothered by it. I would be fine, I decided.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah." I shot him a grin. "Thanks, Paul. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't turned up when you did."

"Well, I did turn up." He smiled at me, then got into his truck which was parked in front of the building and drove off.

I headed over to the football field to find the coach and try to speak to my room mates. I didn't want them to get back to the apartment and find me gone with no explanation. I was nervous and I kept looking around me, still worried about being out, but somehow it didn't seem so bad as it had the last time I left my room. I found the coach within five minutes and the training session happened to be taking a break. I told him I was aware I was close to being ejected from the scholarship and that my failings were due to personal problems. It had become impossible for me to continue and I intended to give up my place to someone more deserving, before I was completely disgraced by being asked to leave.

The coach was disappointed and told me I had been a promising student up until a few weeks ago, but he respected my decision and wished me luck. I left him and went to speak to the guys who were passing a bottle of water around between them.

"Seth, what are you doing here? Where's that guy?" Randy asked.

"He's waiting for me. I'm leaving," I said.

"What? Did they kick you out already?" Tim frowned.

"No, I quit. I can't do this any more."

"You're sick, aren't you?" said Randy.

"Not the way you think." I gave him a smile. "I just have some shit to deal with and I can't do it here. Paul's taking me back to La Push."

"Who is he, anyway?" asked Bobbie.

"He's the guy I was running away from when I came here," I admitted.

"You're giving up your career to be with him?" Tim's eyebrows rose.

"It's nothing to do with that. I almost wish it was." I sighed heavily. "I didn't want to tell you this because I felt like a complete dickhead. The night I got beat up - it wasn't a mugger. I met Perry and..."

"It was him?" Bobbie interrupted. "What happened?"

"He turned out to be a homophobic thug who picks up young guys on purpose so he can kick the shit out of them."

All three of them uttered horrified expletives at this.

"After that, I guess I didn't want to go out anywhere in case someone else jumped me," I said. "So I kept pretending to be sick."

"God, Seth, why didn't you tell us?" Randy groaned. "We'd have helped you. Gone and taught that sick fucker a lesson."

"Yeah, well I had a few reasons for not saying anything," I told him. "It's over anyway. I'll be ok when I get home."

"I'm sorry," Tim said. "We're going to miss you. Keep in touch, yeah?"

"Sure," I nodded. "I'll email or something. I'm just going over to the college to tell them I'm leaving. Save them a job writing a letter to tell me I'm out." I grinned again.

The three of them gave me quick hugs and then went back to their training. I headed over to the college buildings to look for one of my tutors, guessing I would find at least a couple of them in the staff lounge. They reacted pretty much the same as the coach, wishing me luck and saying it was a shame I hadn't been able to continue the way I started. I left quickly, rounded a corner in the corridor and ran smack into a huge guy charging along with an armful of folders. They fell to the floor with the impact and I jumped back out of the way.

"Fuck!" he grumbled, crouching down to gather everything up.

My heart began to pound and I took a couple of steps backwards. Shit.

"I'm s-sorry," I stammered as he got slowly to his feet.

"No problem, I wasn't looking where I was going."

He skirted around me and disappeared and I let out a long shaky breath. Nothing to worry about. Now all I had to do was get back to the apartment building and meet Paul. I checked my cellphone which was in my pocket and realised forty-five minutes had already gone by. I walked back quickly and without incident, but found his truck wasn't there. I decided to wait outside and paced up and down. I wasn't particularly at ease, but I wasn't crapping myself either and about two minutes later Paul's truck pulled up. He jumped out and we hurried back up to the apartment and began packing my stuff. I hadn't really acquired anything new since I came here and in twenty minutes everything was in the truck. I locked up, put my keys in the mailbox and a moment later we were in the vehicle. It was only as we began to move away that I noticed Paul's hand on the steering wheel, the knuckles skinned and bruised, his shirt sleeves rolled up where they had been down before and what look like blood in one of the folds at his elbow.

"Is that blood?" I reached over and touched his arm.

"It's alright, it's not mine." He didn't look at me.

"What did you do?" I asked, my heart beginning to thump rapidly again.

"Don't ask me, ok?"

He'd gone after Perry; it didn't take a genius to work that out. I had said I met him in the diner my room mates and I went to regularly for brunch - on foot - so all he had to do was drive around a few minutes and he'd have found it. I had never been a violent person and wouldn't have hurt a fly if I could have avoided it, but after what I had been through thanks to Perry, I couldn't help a small smile.

"I hope you didn't hold back," I said.

Paul glanced sideways at me for a second and then grinned. "When have you ever known me to do that?"

Ten minutes later we were joining the freeway, leaving Portland behind and although I was still a little worried about telling Mom and Leah and everyone what happened, I began to feel excited at the same time and I smiled genuinely at last.

"You said you were going to tell me about a possible job for me," I reminded Paul as we drove.

"Yeah. Jake's still looking for a guy to work with him. I don't know if he said anything to you?"

"A couple times he mentioned he's got too much work to handle on his own and that he was planning to get someone," I said.

"Well, he hasn't actually done anything about it yet. Jared said he talked to one or two guys recently, but he seems to be uncomfortable about taking on someone older and having to be their boss. Maybe you could be like his apprentice or something, until you decide what you want."

Work for Jake? There was no maybe about it. If he didn't mind having to teach someone who was completely useless with a wrench, I would jump at it.

"I'll talk to him as soon as I get back," I said at once.

I asked him about his own business then and he told me it was doing great. His tattooing skills had improved massively and the two older artists he worked with taught him well. Marcus and Lily were both in their forties and Lily had actually taken on something of a mothering role as well since Paul's Dad died, spending a couple of evenings a week at the apartment cooking meals for him to ensure he didn't live on pizza and frozen dinners.

"She was there when you called," he added.

"I heard a woman say dinner was ready," I told him. "I thought it was maybe your Aunt."

"No, Aunt Pauline hasn't been over in a couple months. She seems to think I can manage to run things on my own now. She still does the books, though." He grinned. "My Math skills aren't the best." He yawned suddenly. "I'm going to need to stop for some coffee."

"You must have had a pretty early start," I said. He had arrived around eight-thirty.

"Yeah, I left about five-thirty and I didn't really sleep much before. Too busy wondering if you were ok. I guess I should have just driven over last night."

He yawned again and pulled off the freeway where a sign indicated there was a gas station and diner. He stopped briefly to put gas in the truck, then parked in front of the diner. It was already past eleven and I realised I was actually getting hungry so Paul ordered two coffees and brunch for us both.

As we ate the food, I found I couldn't take my eyes off him although I tried to keep my lashes lowered rather than make it too obvious. Both sets of knuckles were torn and bruised, but there wasn't a mark on him that I could see. He seemed to have grown more muscle than ever, his face ruggedly attractive and sporting a few days stubble and immediately all the feelings I had for him resurfaced and my pulse quickened.

Why had he really come running to Portland to see me, I wondered. Did he care for me? I remembered how he had seemed a little sad that I was leaving La Push; how he appeared to be surprised and disappointed when I left his house that morning; how gentle and considerate he was when we made love. Once that was in my head I couldn't stop thinking about it and I felt myself blushing furiously. Damnit. I put my knife and fork down, unable to manage the last few bites of food and grabbed my coffee mug instead. Stop looking at him; think about something else.

The waitress came over to ask if we wanted more coffee and Paul said no, requesting the check instead. By the time he finished paying I had managed to calm myself down, although I couldn't help longing for him to give me some sign he might like me the way I wanted him to.

The rest of the journey passed quickly and by two o'clock we were through Forks and on the last few miles of road leading to the reservation. I began to feel stupidly nervous about being back and suddenly wanted to delay my arrival home, my explanations to Mom and Leah and most of all, Paul dumping me at the door and driving away.

"Are you ok?" Paul asked and I realised he was glancing at me as he drove. I was chewing my lip and I suppose I must have looked as anxious as I felt. We were only minutes away from my house.

"Yeah." I took a deep breath. "Do you mind if we...um...go down to the beach first? I want to get myself together before I go and see everybody."

"Sure." Paul braked quickly and took a left turn which led the end of the beach nearest to his old house. "Are you worried about seeing them?"

"Maybe about telling them I quit."

"They'll understand though, when you tell them the whole story."

"Yeah, that'll go down well." I grinned suddenly. "Leah will probably go flying off to Portland to add to whatever you did to Perry."

Paul smirked and stopped the truck, turning off the engine. "I'm not so sure about that; Jared says that Mark guy turned her into a proper girl."

We climbed out of the truck and headed down to the beach. It was overcast and windy, more or less what you would expect for early April. No one else was in sight and we wandered along the sand, Paul looking relaxed and me feeling jumpy and nervous and wishing I had the guts to actually say something to him; ask him if he had ever thought about me or if he would want to see me now I was back.

"Why did you leave, really?" he asked suddenly and I turned my head quickly to look at him. "I mean, for college, last year," he added. "You jumped at a scholarship in football, which you don't even like; it seemed like you were running away from something."

"Um..." I immediately went red again. Should I just tell him the truth and risk looking like a fool again, like I did after he rescued me from Steve and Jason? I had been much younger then; just a stupid kid...

"Did you regret what happened between us?"

"No!" I exclaimed and stopped walking in surprise. He halted too and turned to look at me.

"You couldn't get out of my house fast enough," he added.

"I know. It was the hardest thing I ever did," I admitted. "You were upset over your Dad and I knew you had stuff to deal with. You said you couldn't make any promises so I thought it'd be easier for me to leave before you had to ask me to go. It was obvious you didn't want anything more than what happened."

Paul groaned. "That's just it, though, I did. I was a mess and I didn't want to fuck with you. I couldn't have handled a relationship right then and later I thought I'd just end up making you miserable. Your family would have hated you being with me and I didn't want to cause you grief. I've never been any good at anything except getting in trouble and I guess I thought you were out of my reach. Then when I heard you were aiming to go away to college I kept my distance even more. You had a chance of a good future away from La Push; I didn't want to spoil it for you."

"You thought _I_ was out of reach?" I interrupted, almost laughing. "I was just a kid. I thought I didn't have a hope in hell of you really wanting me. I went to college because I didn't want to keep seeing you around when I couldn't be with you."

"Shit," Paul muttered and then grinned. "Our communication could probably use some work."

"So what now?" I asked. I could hardly believe my ears and now my stomach was full of butterflies and my heart thumping in excitement. He had wanted me? Did he still?

"That depends on you, doesn't it?" Paul said.

"I..."

I didn't know what to say. All the times I had imagined he would let me know he felt something for me, wanted to be with me, and now he was doing just that and I was lost for words so I didn't say anything. After a moment's hesitation I stepped closer, rested my hands on his chest and brushed my lips against the corner of his mouth. Immediately his arms slid around me and he pulled me against him, turning his head a fraction so that his lips touched mine. They caressed briefly, gently and then he broke the kiss and just hugged me. I pressed my face into his neck and closed my eyes, amazed and overwhelmed that this was actually happening. Finally, after more than three years, I had what I really wanted.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

We walked slowly back to the truck, my hand in Paul's, a smile on my face that I doubted I would be able to wipe off even if Mom and Leah had a go at me. When I glanced at Paul he was grinning too and I couldn't wait to be able to see him properly after I was settled back in at home. He drove me there now and parked on the driveway behind Leah's car.

"I'll wait out here," he said. "They're going to get enough of a shock that you're back. I'll start unloading your stuff."

"Ok. Thanks."

I shot him another grin, jumped out of the truck and went up to the house, letting myself in. I could hear Mom and Leah's voices in the kitchen and they had obviously not heard the truck arrive. I stepped into the kitchen and both of them looked up from what appeared to be a late lunch.

"Seth?" Mom's mouth dropped open.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Leah cried.

"I've come home," I said as they both came to hug me.

"Why? What happened? What about college? You were doing so well!" they chorused.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you in a few minutes after I bring my stuff in. Um...Paul came to get me; he's outside."

"Paul Lahote?" Mom frowned.

"Yeah."

Leah glanced at me. "I'll help," she said, ushering me back out of the kitchen. "Why would Paul fetch you?" she whispered.

"I called him. Don't say anything to him, Leah, he helped me. I'll explain all of it to you and Mom."

"Ok."

Much to my surprise she followed me outside without another word and we found Paul already unloading my stuff from the truck and piling it in the driveway.

"Hey, Leah," he said.

"Hey." She eyed him curiously as she grabbed my laptop and a rucksack, but said nothing else. She turned and went back into the house.

"I didn't tell them anything yet, only that you fetched me," I told him. "I said I'd give them the whole story after I got unpacked."

"Are you planning to tell them about us?" he asked.

"Yes."

He grinned now. "You reckon they'll let you out later to see me?"

"There's nothing they can do to stop me." I beamed back at him.

"How about I pick you up around seven? Take you out for dinner?" Paul suggested.

"You're going to take me on a date?" I said in surprise.

"Yeah, why not? Don't you think it's time we had one?" He grinned wider and winked. "I'll catch up on a few hours' sleep and then come over and get you."

"I can't wait," I said.

"What can't you wait for?" Leah appeared again and I turned around.

"Do you have to creep up on people?"

"I wasn't creeping, you were too busy grinning at each other to hear me. Are you going to give me the heads up before you spill to Mom so I can at least decide whether to back you up or not?"

"Leah..." I sighed. "Yeah, ok, we got together."

"Finally," added Paul behind me and I smirked.

"_This_ is why you quit college? Seth, what the hell are you thinking? Why would you throw it all away over a man? You're crazy! Mom will go mad!"

"Leah, _shut up!"_ I cried and immediately heard Paul snort with suppressed laughter. "Me quitting college is nothing to do with Paul. It was all over for me a month ago and I called him to come and help me. I'll tell you and Mom together if you'll give me a chance."

"For once I'm actually not the bad guy," Paul said. "I'm not going to fuck with Seth, Leah, I never have done. I care about him, so maybe you should just let him tell you what happened and forget about me for the moment." He grabbed the last couple of boxes from the back of the truck and placed them at my feet. "I'll see you later," he added, planted a quick kiss on my cheek and got into the truck. A minute later he was gone.

"Seth, Mom is going to..."

"Go mad, yes, I know," I said. "Leah, you know I've always been crazy about Paul. Remember when his Dad died?"

"Yeah, I remember telling Mom you stayed at Sam's and then you came home crying your eyes out." She sighed heavily. "I don't want to see you hurt like that again."

"He didn't do that, I told you, I walked away myself," I said. "Don't try and wreck this for me, sis, I _love_ him. And he wants to be with me now. It turns out he did before, only he didn't think he was good enough for me, or some shit. Can you believe that?"

Leah actually laughed. "I guess he's only thinking the same as the rest of us. Ok, listen - he gets one chance with me and _only_ because you're my little brother and I'm so glad you're back, whatever the reason. But he so much as hurts one hair on your head and I'll..."

"He won't." I picked a couple of the boxes quickly. "Come back in, I'll tell you what's been going on."

We quickly brought in the rest of my belongings, dumping them on the floor in my room for the time being. Mom was making coffee and she brought three mugs into the living room; then she and Leah sat listening with growing horror as I told them what happened to me. I made light of my attack as much as I could and I played down my fear afterwards, but even the little I told them brought tears to their eyes - yes, even Leah's.

"Oh, Seth, why didn't you tell us when this happened?" Mom said.

"Because I didn't want you to be upset - like you are now. I thought I could handle it. Then it turned out I couldn't and I just felt like I was letting everybody down."

They both bemoaned how hard I had worked only to have it ruined by Perry. I had to tell them several times that much as I hated failing, I realised I had made a mistake taking the scholarship and knew I didn't want to make a career out of sport, so really it had been a blessing in disguise. Mom didn't seem convinced and worried that I wouldn't be able to get a decent job if I didn't graduate at all.

"I'm going to ask Jake if I can work with him, at least for a while," I said. "He's looking for a guy to help him. You don't have to worry about me, I'll figure out what I want and I'll make it work."

"I don't doubt that," Mom said with a sudden smile. "But there's one other thing I don't understand. Why did you call Paul to come get you? Out of all your friends here...what about Jake? Or Sam?"

"Before I left, Paul said if I got any trouble I should call him. He helped me once before when two thugs jumped me here in La Push. I didn't tell you at the time because I didn't want you to get stressed about it. Out of everybody, Paul's the one person I'd have with me in a fight."

"You got attacked before?" Mom gasped.

"It was nothing. Just two morons fooling around after school. They never bothered me again."

Mom let out a sigh. "I wasn't aware you even knew Paul that well," she said.

"I've kind of had a thing for him for years. Don't you remember everyone taking me camping when I turned fourteen and I...uh...kissed him?" I avoided looking at her.

"Oh! That..."

"Yeah, well we had a sort of a...moment...a year or so after that too...it doesn't matter about that now anyway."

"Seth! You had a 'moment'? What does that even mean?" demanded Mom. "That boy is trouble. He's unstable, violent..."

"He's actually not half as bad as you think," Leah interrupted. "He clearly cares about Seth."

"What are you saying exactly?" Mom glanced from me to Leah and back again.

"We're together; me and Paul," I said.

"This is sudden."

"No, it's not. I always hoped...since I was a kid. It turns out he hoped too, only he didn't do anything about it because he thought I was too good for him."

"You are!" exclaimed Mom. "Why him? Can't you find a nice boy, like Collin for instance?"

"I don't want nice, I want Paul," I said firmly. "Even when I was seeing Collin, it was Paul I really wanted."

"Mom, you're not going to change his mind; I already tried that," said Leah. "You might as well give it a chance. Seth is going to see him whatever we say; he's nearly seventeen so it's not like you can really stop him. Who knows? Maybe they'll be good for each other. Stranger things have happened. I don't really think Paul's all bad; I think a lot of it was his Dad's influence, to be honest."

I glanced at her in surprise. Either Mark really had turned her soft, or I was going to owe her for the rest of my natural life.

"He's been running his own business for over a year, he hasn't managed to fu...mess that up yet," she added. "Maybe he just needed to grow up a bit; take on some responsibility."

Mom sighed again. "Well, I suppose if you're that determined. I can't very well ground you or confiscate your phone any more. If you're going to be working that makes you an adult, so you make your own decisions. I just don't want to see you hurt again, that's all."

"I'll be fine," I said, smiling. I couldn't quite believe how well the pair of them were taking everything. "And I'll speak to Jake tomorrow about the job. I better get my stuff put away now, I'm...um...going out later. Paul's picking me up at seven."

"Where are you going?" asked Mom.

"Out for dinner."

"Oh! Well, don't be too late."

That was all she said, but Leah came to my room to help me put my things away and questioned me some more.

"Are you staying the night with him?"

"I don't know!" I flushed uncomfortably, but at the same time my stomach churned with excitement. I hoped I would be staying the night with him.

"Seth, just text me if you are, ok? Mom will give you hell, but I'll talk to her, just this once, since I'm so glad my little brother is back safe and sound. After that, you're on your own, squirt."

"Thanks, Leah." I grinned at her. "But do you think you can stop calling me 'squirt' now? I'm about six inches taller than you!"

"Yeah, but you're always going to be five years younger." She smirked at me and left me to finish unpacking.

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging around the house talking to Mom. Mark turned up to take Leah out and I told him a few brief details about why I was back while he waited for her to get out of the bathroom, then she left and I dived in the shower. It was only five o'clock, but I wanted to make sure I was ready and then have time to relax before Paul came to pick me up. Not that I really thought I would be able to relax when I was waiting for my first date with him.

I finished the shower, messed around with my hair for a while and then pulled on light blue jeans and a t-shirt. Then I changed my mind about the t-shirt - we were going out for dinner, better wear a proper shirt. I put a white one on, which was creased to hell and even ironed would make me look like I was going for an interview. I had a grey one which I'd worn to Dad's funeral, which was neat and pressed and hadn't been worn since that day, but it no longer fit me. I knew I had a couple other shirts somewhere, but hell knew where they were; maybe I left them at the apartment in Portland. I delved into my rucksack, which I thought was just full of books and CDs, but yes, there they were jammed into the bottom of the bag, all screwed up and wrinkled - one black and one striped. They were clean, but that was about all they had going for them.

"Godamnit, Seth, stop being such a girl!" I muttered to myself. I grabbed the black one, went into the kitchen and dug out the iron.

"Seth, what are you doing?" Mom asked at once.

"Ironing."

She raised her eyebrows. "You really have grown up." She observed for a moment and then brought a jug to where I was struggling to get a thousand stubborn creases out of the shirt and began sprinkling water onto the fabric. "Those creases are going to need some help," she said. "Try now."

"Thanks."

After about another fifteen minutes, finally the shirt was looking presentable and I put it on, vowing I was never going to iron anything again as long as I lived. It was six-thirty and I went to brush my teeth again, put my wristwatch on, stuffed my cellphone into my pocket and then tried not to pace about and make it look obvious that I was excited and nervous and counting off the minutes. Finally I heard the sound of the Harley's engine outside and I grinned to myself. Mom probably wouldn't be impressed he was calling for me on a bike, but I couldn't wait to get another ride on it. I grabbed a jacket, shouted out to Mom that I was leaving and went outside.

Paul climbed off the bike and came towards me. He had on a leather jacket and black jeans and his face was now clean shaven. He looked so good, I almost wished we weren't going out for dinner, but going somewhere we could be alone. He grinned at me and flashed his perfect teeth, then greeted me with a light kiss on the lips.

"How did it go with your Mom?"

"Better than I expected. She's even going to give you a chance. Leah fought our corner, can you believe that?"

"Told you that Mark guy had turned her into a girl," Paul grinned. "She's all loved up; she probably wants everyone else to be the same."

He turned back to the bike, grabbed the helmet and passed it to me, then backed the machine off the driveway and mounted it. I slid onto the pillion seat and wrapped my arms around him eagerly. The trip to Forks took just over fifteen minutes and I loved every second; the feel of the wind buffeting me, the sound of the bike's engine, the vibration coming through the seat and the feel of Paul in front of me. Within a few minutes it was turning me on and by the time we reached town I was rock hard and uncomfortable, unable to stop thinking about what might happen later and wondering if Paul was thinking about it too. I climbed off the bike when he parked up in the lot behind the Italian restaurant and took the helmet off, relieved that I had left my shirt untucked so it would cover my excitement.

Paul had booked with it being Saturday night and busy and the waiter led us to a table for two in one of the far corners. Each table had trellis type partitions between with plants everywhere and dim lights - the perfect setting for a romantic dinner. I slid my jacket off and sat down. Paul was wearing a shirt too, white with narrow stripes, the sleeves rolled up and a few buttons open so that I could see a little of his chest. I did my best not to keep staring, but I couldn't seem to help myself. If I didn't look at his chest I looked at his face and every time our eyes met I knew I was blushing and smirking stupidly.

The waiter brought us menus, alcohol-free wine and a basket of bread, then left us to it. I had no idea what to choose. I loved Italian food, but I couldn't concentrate on anything except Paul sitting next to me, his hand suddenly grasping mine, lacing our fingers together as he read his own menu.

"I'm going to have arrabiata," Paul said. "Have you decided?"

"Um...I'll have the same," I said at once.

Despite the restaurant being almost full, the food was quick to arrive and although I initially thought I might struggle to get through the large portion of pasta with my stomach full of butterflies, once I tasted the rich spicy sauce I discovered I was actually pretty hungry and ate every bite. Afterwards we ordered desserts - tiramisu for Paul and icecream for me.

"Do you want a taste of mine?" Paul asked after a minute, licking his spoon.

"Don't you think the other diners would complain?" I said before I could stop myself and then sniggered and blushed.

"Hell, Seth, I've been trying not to think about that all night," Paul whispered, leaning close so that his lips brushed my ear.

"Me too," I admitted.

Suddenly I didn't feel shy any more; just eager to kiss him, to feel his hands on me, his body pressed against mine. His teeth nipped gently at my ear lobe and I shivered.

"Have you any idea what you do to me?" His tongue circled my ear and his warm breath almost made me moan.

"Stop it," I whispered. "Eat your dessert."

"I am." Another nip with his teeth and I giggled.

"Paul..."

"Mmm..." He drew back a few inches. "Sorry." He dug his spoon into the tiramisu and then held it up in front of my face. "Try it, it's really good."

I wrapped my lips around the spoon, wishing we were anywhere else but in a restaurant full of people. Who would have thought sharing food could be such a turn on? Paul put the spoon down and then leaned closer again, touching his lips to mine, sliding his tongue out and teasing my upper lip. I let my eyelids droop as he continued caressing my lips gently with his, my jeans rapidly growing far too tight again. He drew his mouth away from mine after a moment and kissed my cheek, then my ear.

"I think we should get out of here soon," he whispered.

"I haven't finished my icecream yet."

"Hurry up then...or I'll help." His tongue flicked out again and traced the shape of my ear.

"Seth!"

I pulled back quickly, flushing and looking up at an astonished Jake standing next to our table with Embry. Paul snorted softly and picked up his spoon again.

"What are you doing here?" Jake asked me, eyes wide and darting backwards and forwards between Paul and me.

"I...um...having dinner," I stuttered. "I'm back. I mean, I came home."

"When?"

"Today. I was going to come over and see you tomorrow," I said. "It's a long story."

"And we're busy right now," Paul put in with a smile.

"You two are together? When did this happen?"

"It's a _really_ long story," I told him. "I'll tell you everything, I promise."

"Just not now," Paul said with a slight growl to his voice.

"Ok, I'll catch up with you tomorrow, Seth," Jake said. "I'll be home all day."

"Sure," I nodded.

Jake and Embry both smiled at me and then went to a table nearby.

"Bet they're wondering what the hell you're doing with me," Paul chuckled.

He raised a hand as our waiter walked by the table and asked for the check. I quickly finished my icecream while Paul paid for the meal, then we grabbed our jackets and got up. I was aware of Jake and Embry staring as we hurried out of the restaurant, Paul's arm draped around my neck and I couldn't help grinning again at their disbelief. I was certainly going to have a lot of explaining to do over the next few days.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Paul led me around the back of the restaurant to the parking lot, finding it deserted except for the Harley. His arm was still around me and now he removed it and pulled on his jacket.

"Do you want to come over to the apartment for a while?" he asked. "Maybe get coffee? I'll show you some photos of my work if you like."

"I thought you were supposed to invite me back to see your etchings?" I said boldly and then giggled. "Or is photos of tattoos just a modern euphemism?"

"Seth!" He adopted an amusingly shocked expression, then grabbed me suddenly and pulled me firmly against his body, his arms encircling my waist. "I'm rubbing off on you already; I told you I was a bad influence."

"Rubbing off on me?" I raised my eyebrows. "You can try it if you like." I couldn't quite believe I was saying this stuff. Flirting didn't come naturally to me - not at all - but the way he had taunted me in the restaurant had excited me so much that the words just seemed to come out with no effort. It proved to be great fun teasing him, especially as I now felt confident in what his response was going to be.

"You're a tease," Paul growled in my ear, walking me backwards away from the bike until my back bumped up against the rear wall of the building.

"You think?"

I slid my arms around his neck as he lowered his head to kiss me, his tongue plunging eagerly into my mouth, his lips crushing mine. I kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm and he ground himself against me, his erection straining against his jeans and digging into my stomach. I was so hard too that I ached and I longed to feel his hands on me; I could remember how it felt with my dick in his hand, his fingers inside me. It was more than a year and a half ago and I could still feel it like it was yesterday. I shuddered at the thought. He drew me away from the wall just a fraction - enough to slide his hand down my back to my butt, squeezing for a moment before his fingers slid between my legs, nudging against my balls from behind and I moaned into his mouth and then broke the kiss, gasping.

"Stop, please," I groaned.

Paul took his hands off me slowly and then led me back to the bike.

"Let's get out of here," he said to my relief.

In a couple of minutes we were riding out of the parking lot, my arms tight around Paul's waist, my hands staying determinedly above his belt. It took only a few minutes to reach the tattoo store and he steered the bike down the alley to the rear, halting in front of the garage door. He turned the engine off and put the side stand down, then grasped one of my hands suddenly and pushed it lower, pressing it onto himself. He was still hard and I stroked my hand up and down, rubbing him through his jeans, grinning to myself as he groaned and squirmed in front of me. Suddenly he pulled away and climbed off the bike quickly, grabbing the keys to unlock the garage. I stood up and waited as he put the machine away, then he was opening up the door at the back of the studio, grabbing my hand and hurrying me up the stairs to the apartment.

He flicked on the hallway light, shrugged out of his jacket and dropped his keys into an empty plant pot on a stand by the kitchen door. Then he turned and slid his arms around me again.

"I want you," he said huskily. "So bad. God, you have no idea."

"Better skip the coffee then," I murmured.

"You're pretty keen too," he said in my ear, biting gently on the lobe. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can."

"It'll sound stupid, but I guess I can't help being jealous," Paul grinned. "Have you...done much of this?"

He lowered his head now and nibbled the side of my neck. I sucked my breath in. He was jealous? Wondering if I might have been with someone else? Had he been thinking about me then? I was filled with a delicious warmth at the idea.

"No," I said. "No one has touched me since you did."

"Good," he almost purred. "You're mine. Damnit, I should never have let you walk away from me before. I was a jerk."

I pressed myself harder against him, somewhat overwhelmed. I had always dreamed about him saying something like that and told myself it would never happen. Now he pushed my jacket off my shoulders and began unbuttoning my shirt, stroking his hands over my chest as he continued nibbling at my neck and my ear, making my skin break out in goosebumps.

"Mmm, you filled out," he murmured, pulling the shirt off me and then running his hands up my arms.

I hadn't really paid much attention to the way I looked, but I guessed I had put on a decent amount of muscle. I still had a lot of catching up to do before I had anything like Paul's physique, however. I couldn't wait to touch him and I started to unfasten his shirt as he continued teasing my neck and my jaw with his lips and teeth, eventually covering my mouth with his and plunging his tongue in. He tucked the fingers of one hand into the waistband of my jeans and began to move slowly backwards, drawing me after him through a doorway into what I guessed was his bedroom. My eyes were closed and I didn't open them until he turned me around and the back of my legs bumped into the bed. Then I clutched at him to save myself losing my balance and met his eyes as he pulled his lips away from mine.

Our shoes and the rest of our clothes were quickly removed, each item thrown carelessly to the floor until we fell naked onto the bed, our mouths meeting again, hands stroking eagerly over each other's bodies. My heart was slamming against my ribs, my breath escaping in short gasps and I trembled as Paul teased me, rubbing his erection against mine, squeezing my balls gently, his teeth grazing my throat. I tried to slow my breathing down, but it was already too late to regain even a little control and I came in a few more seconds, spurting all over both of us.

"Shit," I panted, laughing a little.

Paul grinned. "I'll get a towel."

He was back in a moment, already cleaned up and holding a small towel which he used to wipe me with; then he was lying beside me again, wrapping his arms around me. I slid my hand down his body, eager to touch him, remembering that first time when I had surprised him by using my mouth, but now he caught my hand and pulled it away from him.

"Wait, I haven't finished with you yet."

He leaned over me, one hand lightly massaging my chest and stomach as he kissed me and I slid my arm around his neck, stroking the soft hair at the nape, feeling my softening dick already beginning to harden again. He drew back a little, lowering his head and trailing his tongue down my throat to my chest, reaching one of my nipples and gently biting the small nub. I whimpered and squirmed under him as he worked his way over towards the other nipple, his hand still on my stomach, my erection bumping his knuckles impatiently, but for the moment being ignored. I ached to be touched and I reached down and grasped myself, sliding my hand up and down my shaft a few times before Paul caught my wrist and pulled my hand away; then I let out a groan of frustration.

"Impatient, aren't you?" he whispered. I could hear in his voice that he was grinning.

"Mmm," I moaned.

"Come here." He sat up suddenly and began pulling me upright and I opened my eyes in surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"You'll see. You'll like it, I promise."

I didn't doubt that. I let him turn me around, positioning me on hands and knees in front of him, my legs spread apart. His hands touched my buttocks, stroking and squeezing lightly, then trailing down the backs of my thighs to my knees, then up again. I shivered, waiting to see what would happen next. Was he going to fuck me like this, from behind? My dick twitched at the thought and I felt the stickiness of precum on my stomach. God, at this rate I was probably going to lose it again before he even did anything.

His hand cupped my balls now, squeezing lightly, tugging on them a little and his free hand began to stroke that weirdly sensitive spot between my balls and my ass. I dug my fingers into the mattress and let my head droop down towards the pillows as he carried on teasing me, stroking between my buttocks, a finger tracing the tight hole. Then suddenly his hand disappeared and was replaced by - something warm and wet flicking at me, swiping firmly up and down, pushing at me, circling the hole - his tongue.

"Ohhh...fuck," I hissed.

Paul chuckled and put both hands on my butt now, drawing the cheeks a little further apart and continuing to torment me with his tongue while I shuddered and groaned and forced myself not to reach down again and start jacking myself off. When he eventually stopped I moaned in protest, immediately missing his hands and mouth on me. He shifted slightly on the bed and I heard him open a drawer, then a squirting sound which I guessed was lube. A few seconds later one of his fingers slid gently into me and I felt the cool slipperiness of the lube and the careful movement of his finger exploring, slipping out again, then back in. I was aching now, my erection throbbing desperately and I longed for him to fuck me. He must have been even more eager than I was since he hadn't even let me touch him yet and I had at least managed to shoot my load once already.

He added another finger now and I pushed myself back against his hand, panting as he began to thrust both in and out slowly, scissoring them a little. God, I couldn't wait.

"Paul..." I whined.

"Mmm?"

I just groaned as his fingers pushed deeper, his other hand reaching around me, gripping my erection firmly around the base and stroking almost lazily.

"Tell me what you want," he prompted huskily.

"Uhh..." was about as much as I could manage at that moment.

"Tell me, Seth." He drew his fingers out of me and rested his hand on my butt instead.

"Fuck me...please..." I heard myself say.

He didn't reply and I counted off the seconds as he left me again; then I heard the sound of a condom packet being ripped open and the rubber rolled onto him, more lube being dispensed from the bottle. I held my breath, shaking as he positioned himself behind me again, rubbing himself against me, then I breathed out slowly, making myself relax as he pushed forward, straining to enter me. He slid in a couple of inches and then stopped, giving me time to adjust. Keen as I was for him to thrust his full length into me, I knew it would have hurt if he did that. He pulled back a little now, then pushed forward again, deeper this time, slowly and carefully; then again and suddenly he was all the way in, his body tight against mine, hands gripping my hips firmly.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

I lowered my upper body slightly, resting one arm flat on the mattress to support me so that I could touch myself with the other hand. Paul began to fuck me, slowly for a moment, then harder, each thrust of himself into me shoving me forwards and sending me rapidly towards ejaculation. I could hear him panting loudly, grunting each time he buried himself deep in me and the sound of his pleasure coupled with the feel of what he was doing to me made me come in only a few more seconds, just as I felt his body shuddering, his dick jerking inside me as he groaned loudly with his release. He stopped moving but stayed where he was and I slowly let my body sink down towards the mattress, Paul lowering himself with me, still inside me.

"Sorry, it's been a long time," he said sheepishly as if I hadn't just finished as fast as he did. A long time? My already racing heart quickened its pace. I hadn't asked him when he had wondered if there had been anyone else for me, automatically thinking he probably would have slept with a few other guys after I left.

I turned my head so that I could see him over my shoulder now. "Somehow I thought you'd have been spreading yourself quite thin," I said lightly.

"Is that what you think of me? Maybe once I would have done that and yeah, I did fool around a couple of times last year, but it was nothing. The last time I fucked someone...it was you."

I grinned wider, delighted by this admission. "Well, I hope you're going to make a habit of it from now on," I said confidently.

"I plan to." He kissed my cheek and I turned my head further so our lips could meet.

I could feel that his partly softened dick was already starting to stiffen again inside me, but he withdrew now, gripping the condom to prevent it slipping off and I groaned in disappointment and turned over, waiting impatiently as he cleaned himself up with the towel again, the action of wiping himself only making him stiffen more. When he tossed the towel onto the floor I sat up, reaching out to touch him as he kneeled in front of me, sliding my fingers slowly up and down his erection. He breathed out hard and bit his lip as he watched me. I unfolded my legs and stretched them out either side of him, not sure I would be ready to go again so fast, but wanting him back inside me regardless. I took my hand off him and slid my arms around his neck instead, pressing my lips against his. His arms slid around me and I let myself fall back onto the bed, drawing him down between my legs. He rested on top of me, his weight partly supported by his arms as he brushed his lips against mine over and over and his erection twitched against my stomach. I wondered what it would be like without a layer of rubber between us; if I could feel his skin, the heat of him; if I could feel him come inside me. I shivered and felt myself begin to harden again and I pulled my knees up either side of him, thrusting myself upwards and sliding my hands down to his butt, pulling him tighter against me.

"Oh, you want more?" he murmured, his eyes sparkling as they met mine.

"Yes, I want more." I pushed him off me a little so I could slide my hand between us and touch him, running my hand up and down his length firmly, watching his eyes half close and his lips part on a gasp. I shifted my position a little, pushing him downwards towards my ass, guiding him. The head of his dick slid in easily and he sucked his breath in hard, then pulled out of me again quickly.

"I better get another condom."

"Please...I want to feel you properly," I said, feeling myself blush a little. "I want you to come in me."

"Jesus, Seth," Paul groaned.

"Please," I repeated.

He hesitated a moment, then edged forwards again, his erection sliding slowly into me, one inch, then another.

"Fuck..." he breathed. "I've never done this."

"So I get to be your first time as well," I whispered and then groaned as he thrust deeper. He was so hard, so hot and my muscles gripped him tight, making him tremble and twitch inside me.

"You know...this is going to be real quick...again," he panted.

"Good thing it's not going to be a one-off then."

I slid my arms around him and pulled my knees up higher, thrusting up against him as he began to move faster. My own erection was trapped between our stomachs and I realised that even after getting off twice already, it wasn't going to take much to send me over the edge again, with the feel of Paul fucking me, every thrust sending a wave of excruciating pleasure through me, making me gasp and groan, digging my nails into his back, my whole body trembling until all too soon it was over. I felt every hot spurt of his seed deep in me and as he finished and collapsed slowly onto my body, I came too.

Paul lay still for just a moment and then lifted his weight up a little, slipping out of me and pulling his head back so he could look down into my eyes.

"I love you," I said before I even thought of what I would say; before I even realised I would say anything at all.

His eyes darkened and for several long moments he didn't speak. My mouth went dry and my heart thumped unevenly and I wondered if maybe I went too far. Was it too soon to say that? Did he not want to hear it? Or could he just not say it back?

His lips touched mine, so lightly I barely felt it.

"I love you too, Seth," he whispered.

It was everything I wanted to hear; what I had dreamed about - Paul wanting me and telling me he loved me. My heart seemed to swell in my chest and I thought it may burst as I hugged him tighter, pulling him down onto me again and pressing my face into his neck. I squeezed my eyes shut, overcome with emotion, barely noticing when a few tears slid from beneath my lashes and rolled down the sides of my face to the pillow.

Paul's lips touched my cheek and then he drew back, licking his lips and frowning as he obviously tasted my tears. He slid off me, rolling onto his side and taking me with him, both arms tight around me.

"Seth? Baby, why are you crying?"

"I'm just...happy," I breathed, feeling a little foolish.

"Me too." He grinned again and brushed his lips against mine. "I need to get a shower." Another kiss and then he let go of me with apparent reluctance and sat up, then slid off the bed. "Are you coming?"

"Huh, don't think I could manage it again quite so soon," I smirked, hauling myself up onto shaky legs. I felt sweaty and incredibly wet and sticky and couldn't wait to get in the shower.

Paul laughed and led the way next door into his large bathroom which held a corner tub with a shower over it. We showered together, lathering each other in shower gel, teasing each other, paying way too much attention to each other's dicks until both began to stiffen a little again, despite our exhaustion. We backed away from each other reluctantly and grabbed a couple of towels to dry off.

I noticed suddenly that Paul was still wearing his wristwatch and I wondered what time it was. I was supposed to text Leah if I wasn't planning on going home. I grabbed his arm and angled the watch towards me.

"Oh, shit," I groaned. "It's almost midnight, they're going to kill me."

Paul grinned. "Did you have a curfew?"

"No, Mom just said don't be late. Leah said text her if I'm not going home."

"Oh, she expected me to try and have my wicked way with you?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Do you want me to take you home?" Paul offered.

"Don't be silly." I leaned over to give him a light kiss, finished drying myself quickly and went back to the bedroom to find my cellphone, which had fallen out of my jeans pocket and was hidden under the edge of the quilt where it had slipped off the bed.

'At Paul's, see you tomorrow,' I tapped out and then waited for a response. I knew I would get one of some description.

'About time! Been trying to stop Mom calling you for an hour!'

I grimaced. 'Sorry. Forgot the time.'

'Slut!' was Leah's response, but it was accompanied by a smiley face so I guessed she wasn't really mad.

I put the phone down on the table beside the bed and collapsed against the pillows. All I wanted to do now was sleep. So much had happened in the last few hours; it was difficult to believe that only that morning I had woken in terror and barricaded myself in my room. It seemed almost as if it had happened in another lifetime.

Paul came back into the room then and threw himself onto the bed behind me as I lay on my side. He slid one arm under my neck and the other around my waist, curling himself around me almost protectively. It was the same position we had slept in that first time too and I lay there with my eyes closed and a smile on my face, feeling Paul's warm breath on my neck, listening to his breathing steady and slow down as he began to fall asleep. I began to drift off myself and I knew that for the first time in weeks there would be no nightmares. In his arms, I felt safe.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

When I opened my eyes again it was daylight and I didn't appear to have moved an inch all night. I was still curled up on my side with Paul wrapped around me, his right arm stretched out under my neck, left hand resting on my stomach. I was hard, my erection curving upwards and seeming to be holding his hand in place. In turn I could feel his own hardness pressing up against my butt. I grinned to myself and glanced at his wristwatch - eight-thirty. Carefully I lifted his arm up and slid out from under it, then slipped away to the bathroom to use the toilet and freshen up. I borrowed Paul's toothbrush and then returned to the bedroom. He was awake, but still lying in the same position.

"Morning," he murmured.

I slid back into the bed and he pulled me against him and kissed my neck.

"Mmm, you smell good. Did you sleep ok?"

"Yes, better than I have in a long time," I sighed.

He kissed my ear, then drew away and got up. "Need to brush my teeth," he muttered and headed for the bathroom.

I stretched out again in the bed and turned my face into the pillow, grinning from ear to ear. The pillow and the sheets smelled of Paul and me and sex and I quickly grew hard again as I went over in my mind what we had done last night; kissing, touching, making love. He said he loved me! I lay there waiting for him to come back, idly stroking myself. I heard the toilet flush and then a couple minutes later he returned and slid into the bed. He reached out to pull me towards him and touched my arm, then followed it downwards, smirking.

"Can't you wait?"

"I was thinking about last night," I grinned.

"Me too." He pulled my hand off my erection and placed it on himself, then leaned closer to kiss me.

We made love slowly, wrapped around each other, holding onto each other as if we never meant to let go and I relished every second, knowing that all too soon I was going to have to leave him and go home. At least this time it would only be temporary. He drew away from me now and gave me a light kiss.

"I love you. But I have to work, and you need to get home and face the music," he smiled.

"You work on Sundays?" I groaned.

"Not all the time, only if someone books in because they can't make it in the week. I got a booking at ten-thirty."

He got up and headed for the bathroom again and I followed to share the shower. It was already approaching nine-thirty and I realised if he had to take me home first, he was going to have to race to make it back for the appointment.

"Maybe you could lend me your truck," I said. "Then you won't have to waste time driving me. I'll come back later after I talk to everybody."

"Good plan," Paul said. "That means we get enough time to have breakfast first and I'm starving."

He scrubbed himself quickly, then left me to use up the last of the hot water while he got dressed and went to make coffee and food. We ate stacks of grilled cheese and swapped cellphone numbers before I finally got ready to leave at ten o'clock. I intended to go home and face Mom and Leah's disapproval first, then go and see Jake for a while. Paul guessed his booking would take around three hours so any time after that I could either just turn up or call. I dragged myself away reluctantly after half a dozen kisses and 'I love you's' at the bottom of the stairs; then I was in his truck heading back to La Push, my face split in half by an enormous grin. He loved me. Paul _loved_ me. The last three years had seemed so long, but it had been so worth the wait!

I parked on the drive, took a deep breath and let myself into the house. Mom, Leah and Mark were all in the living room and I almost groaned aloud. The presence of Mark was just going to make the whole thing more embarrassing. Mom got up when she saw me and ushered me into the kitchen, however.

"Seth, I really wish you weren't rushing into this thing with Paul so much," she began.

"It's hardly rushing into it; we've been messing around doing nothing about it for years," I grunted.

"You know what I'm talking about. You spent the night with him. I'm just concerned about you. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I won't. He loves me," I blurted out, just as Leah came to join the party, closing the door after her.

"He said that?" she asked.

"Yeah. A few times. Look, both of you, don't worry, ok? I'm fine, I know what I'm doing."

Leah just raised her eyebrows at me, while Mom frowned.

"We just worry about you, Seth, you're still so young," Mom said. "I hope he's taking care of you; you know how important it is to use protection..."

"Please!" I exclaimed, mortified. My face was burning, not least because despite a good scrub in the shower, I could still feel a little of Paul's fluid leaking out of me and had already decided I would take a bath sooner rather than later. "Don't try giving me 'the talk', ok?" I said now. "Jake did that years ago. It's not like you know anything about it."

"Fine. Alright. Well..." Mom actually looked embarrassed herself. "So long as you're ok. Just let us know what you're doing in future; I was worried last night that something might have happened to you."

"Sure. Sorry."

She opened the door and returned to the living room to talk to Mark, leaving me with Leah.

"Don't you start," I said before she could open her mouth.

"I'm saying nothing. Except that you got off lightly there. Mom was going nuts last night; you have me to thank for the fact that she hardly said anything just now."

"Yeah, thanks," I said. "I'm going to get changed and go over to see Jake now about the job and some other stuff."

I headed for my room, grabbed some fresh clothes and dived into the bathroom, hoping Mom and Leah hadn't used all the hot water. There was enough left for a bath thankfully and I was soon dressed again in t-shirt and cargo pants and heading over to Jake's house. I drove Paul's truck even though it was only a ten minute walk. I parked up by the shed, seeing the door was open a fraction. When I pushed it wide seconds later I was amused to find Jake and Embry dragging on their shirts and fastening their pants, Embry blushing furiously.

"You're lucky I drove," I laughed. "I almost walked, then you wouldn't have heard me coming."

"Shit," muttered Embry, grinning now.

Jake yanked his shirt down over the front of his jeans to cover his obvious excitement and I laughed again. "Should I go away and come back later?"

"No, it's fine." Smiling sheepishly, he grabbed a bottle of coke from a nearby shelf and gulped some. "So, what have you got to tell us? Dinner with Paul; how the hell did that happen? And isn't that his truck out there? Did you stay with him last night?"

"Yes and yes," I said. "Like I said in the restaurant, it's a long story."

I parked myself on the old couch in one corner of the shed and Jake and Embry sat down too after a moment.

"I better start from the beginning," I said. "There's a few things you probably don't know. I doubt Paul or Leah said anything. You remember when we were all over at Sam's nearly two years ago and Paul turned up on his Dad's Harley?"

"Yeah, as usual he had to spoil things, decking Jared," Embry put in.

"I know he was upset over his Dad, but even so," Jake said. "You went off on the bike with him and Leah went mad."

"Well...I stayed the night with him," I blurted out.

Their mouths dropped open and I couldn't help laughing. I was quite surprised nobody had found out other than Leah and Collin, who I had told. I continued with how I walked away, knowing he didn't want anything more at that point; then my misery and decision to try for the scholarship so I could get away from La Push.

"God, Seth, you didn't have to do that," Jake groaned. "Why didn't you talk to me? Us."

"It was just something I had to sort out for myself. Going to Portland didn't make any difference by the way. I still couldn't stop thinking about him. So I was doing pretty well, but I wasn't enjoying it. Then a while after Christmas I decided it was time I stopped moping around. This guy Perry asked me out on a date and I said yes."

Jake and Embry listened with obvious horror as I described my feelings of uneasiness, being beaten and waking up in hospital, then the fear I suffered for weeks afterwards.

"I made light of it to Mom and Leah," I added.

Jake reached out to give me a hug at that point.

"Why the hell didn't you call and ask us to help?" he said. "We'd have been there in a flash, you know we would."

"I know, I was scared of admitting I failed, that I couldn't handle it."

"You didn't fail at anything," Embry said. "Jesus, Seth, you should be proud of yourself, going off to Portland on your own, dealing with all that shit without having anyone there for you. You're tougher than me."

"I don't know about that. But it's over now anyway. I'm back and I'm staying. Paul came to get me yesterday."

"You called him then?"

"Yeah, on Friday night."

"Dad said you called me," Jake said.

"Yes, you were my second choice; sorry. I called Paul, then lost my nerve and hung up. Then your Dad said you were out with Em, so I thought I'd just leave it and call Saturday instead. Then Paul turned up in the morning. He checked the number of the call when I didn't speak, figured it was me and drove down first thing."

"Why would he do that?" wondered Embry.

"He worried about me," I said. "It turns out he wanted me too, all this time and kept his distance because he didn't want to fuck my life up." I shook my head. "So that's more or less all of it. Except I'm seeing him now. Mom and Leah aren't too happy, but they're getting used to it. I love him and he says he loves me."

"Wow," said Jake. "I guessed Paul must have a heart somewhere; no one's ever seen it though."

"He must have been saving it for you, Seth," Embry grinned. "I have to say, he did look pretty besotted in the restaurant last night."

I beamed at him, remembering how Paul had kissed and teased me in front of anyone who cared to look our way.

"Are you sure, though?" Jake asked me. "Do you trust him?"

"Totally," I said at once.

They asked me a few more questions and then much as I could have happily gone on talking about Paul all day, I changed the subject to the possibility of me working for Jake. I told him Paul had said he was still looking for someone and that I really needed work.

"I'll understand if you'd rather have someone else," I said. "I mean, I don't even know what I want to do at the moment."

"Seth, the job's yours," Jake told me at once. "Whether you want it for a month or a year; whatever. I'm snowed under and the couple of guys I talked to were both twice my age and didn't want a nineteen-year-old telling them what to do. Plus I don't really want to be the boss of someone older than me, it'd be weird. You can start off with servicing; that'll take a load off. Changing oil and filters, stuff like that. It's easy, but time consuming."

"Yes!" I cried, leaning over to hug him. "When do I start?"

"Tomorrow? Eight o'clock."

"Thanks, Jake! This is awesome," I said.

"You didn't ask what the pay is," he reminded me.

"I don't give a shit!" I laughed.

"Ok, well it's two bucks an hour," Jake said with a smirk. "No, I'm kidding. The going rate for an apprentice is about two hundred a week after tax for the first year, so I'll give you two hundred cash for a month and see how you like it. If you want to make it a permanent thing I'll have to set you up as a proper employee, tax and everything, or my accountant will kick my ass."

"Two hundred a week? Cool!" I exclaimed, immediately beginning to spend it in my head. I would love to get a car...or a truck...or a _bike_. No, maybe not, Mom would have a coronary. Besides, I liked riding pillion with Paul. I'd much rather be sitting on the back of the Harley or the other bike with my arms wrapped around him than riding my own.

"What are you grinning at?" Jake interrupted my thoughts.

"Planning what to spend the money on," I said and hauled myself to my feet. "Ok, I'm going to tell Mom about the job, then I'm going back to Forks to see Paul. I'll leave you to carry on where you left off." I smirked at them and headed for the door.

By the time I got home again, Mark and Leah had gone out somewhere, but Mom was pleased to hear about the job, despite her being concerned about what my future would hold. I knew she would rather I graduated from college and did something other than learn to be a mechanic, but she let me know it was more important to her that I was happy.

I waited until two o'clock, watching the time with growing excitement until I guessed Paul would have finished with his customer and then went to my room to call him. I grinned to myself as I selected his name from my contacts and pressed 'call', remembering how I had slowly punched in his number on Friday night and then been too scared to say anything.

"Seth!" He answered the call on the first ring.

"That was quick, were you holding the phone or something?" I said.

"Yeah. I was about to call you. Finally got rid of the guy. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, now. Mom and Leah were ok. Mom tried to give me 'the talk', God, talk about embarrassing," I snorted.

Paul laughed. "Did you see Jake?"

"Yes, I start working for him tomorrow. I'm going to do it for a month and see how it goes; he says he'll make it permanent if I like it."

"Cool, I hope it works out. So look, I need my truck back, can you come over now?"

"Oh...sure," I said, a touch disappointed. "I'm on my way."

I drove into Forks, imagining Paul had things to do and would drive me home first. Somehow I had thought he would want to spend some time with me that afternoon, but apparently not. I parked the truck down the alley and went to the door at the back of the building. It flew open before I had chance to ring the bell and Paul pulled me inside, kicked the door closed and began to kiss me. His arms slid around me and his tongue plunged into my mouth and I melted against him as he pressed me back against the door with his body. He was hard and eager and I immediately began to stiffen, my erection working its way upright inside the loose cargo pants. When he drew back after a few moments and looked at me, his eyes were hot with lust.

"Sorry; couldn't wait to see you," he grinned.

"I thought you needed your truck," I reminded him.

"No, I just wanted you to get your ass over here quick." He took hold of my hand and began to lead me up the stairs. "So what do you feel like doing?"

"What do you think I feel like doing after that?" I sniggered.

Grinning, Paul towed me into the bedroom. "I hope you don't think all I'm interested in doing is fucking you."

"At this moment in time, I don't care if you are," I said as he grabbed the edges of my t-shirt and pulled it off over my head. He followed it up by dragging off his own before he slid his arms around me again and hugged me tight against his body.

"You know I love you, though, right?" he murmured.

"You might have to..." I broke off as he nibbled my ear. "...um...remind me...every so often." My senses were becoming scrambled as his lips worked their way from my ear to my throat, his hands on my butt holding me so I could feel how hard he was.

"I love you," he purred against my throat. "And you smell nice. All squeaky clean."

"I had a bath when I got home," I said. "Still sticky."

Paul raised his head again to look at me and grinned. "It was your idea to do it without a rubber."

"Hey, I wasn't complaining."

"Good. 'Cause I'm not going to want to bother with the damned things now I know what it's like without."

He slid his hands between us and began to unfasten my pants. I stepped out of my shoes and a moment later, Paul was pulling my pants and underwear down and I sank backwards onto the bed, waiting for him to join me. Naked, he kneeled astride my legs and pinned my arms to the mattress above my head, bending low to kiss me. His tongue teased my mouth and I groaned and wriggled beneath him, wanting to touch him, but too tightly restrained to move much. My erection twitched upwards and bumped against his stomach as he crouched over me and I arched my neck back, gasping as he grazed my throat lightly with his teeth.

After another minute he released my arms and I slid them around him, pulling him down further so that his weight rested lightly on me. He shifted his position again, nudging one knee between my thighs to part them and then pressing himself between them. He slipped one hand under me and then slowly rolled over until I was lying on top.

"Sit up," he said and I drew my knees under myself, my butt resting on his thighs. He grasped my dick in one hand and his own in the other, rubbing both simultaneously. I reached out for the lube which was on the bed table, squeezing some onto both of us, shivering at the sudden coldness and then at the delicious slippery feel as Paul stroked it down my shaft, covering me in it before doing the same to himself. I edged forwards, rising up onto my knees so that he was under me, his erection held upright in one hand, then lowered myself again slowly until the head pushed into me.

"Take your time," Paul murmured, wrapping his fingers around me again and cupping my balls in his free hand. I groaned and bit my lip, closing my eyes as I let myself sink down gradually onto him, feeling his hot, slippery dick filling me until I was as far down as I could go. I stayed still for a few moments, gyrating only slightly, then began to rise up again, letting around half of his length slip out of me before I lowered myself again.

"God, Seth," groaned Paul, squirming beneath me, thrusting his hips upwards as he used both hands to drive me over the edge.

I kept it slow, knowing I was tormenting him, but wanting to make it last as long as I could although eventually I couldn't sustain it any longer and began to move faster, bouncing myself up and down, my butt slapping onto his thighs each time I pushed myself down, my hands resting either side of Paul's head, my head down so that I could watch his hands moving on me and see the point where we joined. We came together - him deep inside me and me, all over his chest. I lowered my chest to his and we exchanged breathless little kisses as he slid his arms around me and held me tight.

"I love you," I whispered. "I still can't believe this is real."

"You'll get used to it," Paul said. "Like I said, you're mine. I don't intend on letting you go; not for anything." He caressed my lips gently with his and rolled me off him slowly so that I lay at his side instead, still in his arms. "I love you, Seth."

We lay there, not talking, just holding each other for a little while, then headed to the bathroom to clean up. Rather than shower, Paul filled the bath up with hot water and bubbles and we sprawled in it, soaking until our fingers turned wrinkly and the water began to lose its heat.

Later we ordered takeout and then Paul drove me home. Much as I longed to spend the night in his arms again, tomorrow was my first day at work and it made more sense to be at home just ten minutes away, rather than drag Paul out of bed at seven-thirty to drive me back to La Push. We spent maybe fifteen minutes kissing goodbye in the truck and I noticed the living room curtains twitching as I finally drew away from him. I stood watching until he had driven out of sight before I went into the house to spend an hour with Mom and Leah before I went to bed.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I arrived at Jake's fifteen minutes before eight in the morning and found him already in the garage checking his order book.

"Hey, you're early," he said.

"Thought I better impress the boss on my first day," I grinned. "Sorry for the interruption yesterday."

Jake laughed. "We don't make a habit of getting it on out here."

"Spur of the moment, was it?" I smirked, immediately remembering Paul pouncing on me when I got to his place.

"Something like that. So how's Paul?"

"Good." I giggled, wondering if I looked as smug as I felt. My cellphone beeped with a text at that moment and I pulled it out of my pocket.

'Good luck on your first day. See you later. Love you. X'

"Aww," I said.

"You have got it bad," Jake smiled as I began tapping out a reply.

'Thanks, see you soon, love you too. X'

I put the phone away. "So what are we doing today?" I asked him.

"Well, I haven't got a lot booked in – three services, which is good because that's what I wanted you to start on. The first one's due in around eight-thirty. We'll do that together and then you can do the other two and I'll watch. In between, I'm restoring an old classic..." He pointed to a car shape covered by a tarp in one corner. "...so we can do a few things on that so you learn your way around a car."

"Cool!"

"There's some coveralls hanging up over there you can use," he added. "They should fit ok; they were mine when I was younger."

I put on the dark blue all-in-one suit over my jeans and t-shirt and as soon as the first car turned up, we got to work. I immediately found I loved both working for Jake and being a mechanic and I wasn't half as useless with a wrench as I imagined. By the time the third car came in half way through the afternoon, I completed the entire service without a word from him, although he kept an eye on me while he worked on the classic car, which turned out to be a 1960s Corvette.

We finished working at six and I walked home, grinning to myself and texting Paul to let him know I was done for the day and on my way home. He didn't answer right away and I cleaned up and put on fresh clothes, then ate dinner with Mom. Leah was out with Mark. Paul sent me a message as I was helping Mom with the dishes to say he only just finished a four hour session on someone's back and would come over to see me as soon as he had something to eat.

He arrived forty minutes later in the truck and much to my surprise, Mom made an effort to chat to him when he came in. He seemed at ease talking to her and I went to make coffee and left them to it for a few minutes. Mom came into the kitchen to carry one of the mugs and whispered to me that she was surprised by how pleasant and polite Paul was. I beamed at her and followed her back into the living room. We spent a little while chatting to Mom over the drinks and then Paul and I went to my room and switched on the television. We didn't do anything other than kiss and cuddle even though we were both uncomfortably excited, but too conscious of Mom in the house and knowing we wouldn't be able to stay quiet.

Tuesday Paul came over to La Push again a little earlier and this time took me out in the truck. We grabbed a pizza and drove down to the beach, parking up in a secluded spot where we could fool around in the cab once darkness fell.

It was Wednesday when I heard from my old room mates in Portland. Paul had a late booking and we didn't see each other that evening, but he sent me a text later to tell me to switch on my laptop and chat to him online instead. On instant messenger, we talked dirty and jacked ourselves off, describing to each other in detail what we were doing and what we wanted to do to each other. Despite missing him being with me, kissing and touching me, the whole thing seemed incredibly naughty and exciting and proved great fun in the absence of actually being together. We reluctantly signed off at ten o'clock, Paul saying he was heading for the shower, and just before I shut down the laptop I received an email from Randy.

_'Hey Seth, hope you're doing ok now you're home. We all miss you here. We got a new room mate, Larry. He's a complete jerk, lazy as fuck and always stealing our food and beer! Come back, Seth, all is forgiven! Kidding. Really hope you're ok and that guy Paul's looking after you._

_'Me and Tim saw Perry yesterday – you probably don't want to hear about him, but he got what he deserved. Someone really did a number on him – black eyes, split lips, stitches above one eye and on one cheek and bruises all around. Serve the fucker right, whoever did it should get a medal.'_

I gasped and put a hand over my mouth. I knew Paul was responsible for that. I couldn't help a slight feeling of alarm that he was so violent, but really he had good reason, at least this time. I shuddered as I remembered the injuries I suffered at Perry's hands and more importantly, the debilitating fear for weeks afterwards. I still found myself looking over my shoulder now I was home, unless Paul was with me.

"Yeah, serve you right," I said aloud and carried on reading.

Randy went on to tell me how he, Tim and Bobbie were doing in their classes and with the training and finished off by saying they looked forward to catching up with me in the summer holidays when they came back to La Push. I emailed him back at once, telling him about my new job and that I was heaps better and that Paul was indeed looking after me.

On Saturday Paul took me to the Italian restaurant again and like the pair of daft loved up kids we were, we celebrated being together for one week before spending the night together at the apartment.

"I wish you still lived in La Push," I sighed as we lay in each other's arms later, gradually beginning to doze off.

Paul grinned. "I'd be on your doorstep morning, noon and night; you'd soon get sick of me."

"I wouldn't. I'd be sneaking over in the middle of the night because the morning, noon and night visits wouldn't have been enough," I giggled.

"Well, I still got a house there," Paul reminded me. "I could always move back if I kick the tenants out. They just signed a new contract a couple months ago for another year though. I guess I can get rid of them early next year. Then you could come and live with me."

"Really?" My heart leaped and I was filled with excitement. Live with Paul? That would be my ultimate dream come true.

"Yeah, if you haven't got bored with me by then. You'll be almost eighteen so your Mom and Leah wouldn't be able to say anything."

"My Mom is actually starting to like you," I grinned. "She thinks you're a nice polite young man. Obviously she doesn't know what you did to Perry."

He stiffened a touch. "Did someone say something?"

"Yeah, I got an email from Randy, one of my old room mates the other day. They saw Perry all bruised and covered in stitches."

"I really lost it," admitted Paul. "The thought of him hurting you like that and seeing how scared you were just killed me. Made me want to kill him."

"It's ok," I said. "He deserved it. So anyway, back to your house in La Push. You don't really think I'll get bored, do you?"

"I don't know, you might," Paul teased and paused to nibble my ear. "You might get fed up of this..." His lips traced a line of kisses over my cheek to the corner of my mouth. "...and this..." His tongue teased my lips to part and slid in, then darted out again. "...or this..." His mouth covered mine in a long and heated kiss.

"You're nuts," I gasped when he came up for air.

"Yeah, about you." He kissed me again. "God, it's going to be a long year."

"At least we're together, instead of lusting after each other from afar and doing fuck all about it," I grinned.

"So when did you start lusting for me?" Paul said, his eyes twinkling. "That camping trip, was it, when you kissed me and pretended you were drunk?"

I snorted and prodded him in the ribs. "It was way before that. The rare occasions you used to come over to Sam's my tongue would be practically hanging out of my mouth. I'm surprised nobody noticed. It was you that made me realise I was gay."

"But you started going out with that Collin guy not long after the camping," Paul remembered.

"Yeah, that kind of started because I saw you kissing some guy on the beach," I told him. "I was gutted. A couple of weeks after that Collin asked me out and I said yes because I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. I did like him, but I still wanted you. He saw you rescue me from those two thugs that day after school and then he dumped me the next day because I made it too obvious I preferred you to him."

"Aww," Paul murmured. "Poor kid. How could he compete with me?"

"You love yourself too much," I teased.

"I love you more. I was pretty tempted that night actually - after I did the knight in shining armour thing and drove you to Jake's. But you were still only fourteen and I thought Leah would probably castrate me. Plus like I said, I didn't want to fuck things up for you."

I leaned closer to give him another kiss, then turned my face into his neck and closed my eyes again.

On Sunday there was no rush to get up for anything. Mom and Leah weren't expecting me back early and Leah had merely said that everyone was gathering at Sam's for a spring barbeque if we wanted to go over and join them later. Paul had no jobs booked in and we lounged in bed until eleven o'clock, making love, eating breakfast, making love some more and finishing up with a soak in the bath.

"What do you want to do today?" Paul asked as he dried himself while I lay in the cooling water and watched.

"Um...more of this," I grinned. "Actually, Sam's having a barbeque this afternoon, Leah mentioned it."

"You want to go?"

"I wouldn't mind going." I grinned up at him. "First time I get to show you off other than to Jake and Em."

Paul laughed. "Don't expect too much of a favourable reaction from the rest of them."

"I was going for the shock value," I smirked. "Can we go on the Harley too?"

"We can do anything you want." He bent over and kissed me. "Get out of there, you're going wrinkly."

We rode over to Sam's on the bike around three o'clock and when we rounded the corner of the house everyone was looking towards us, alerted by the sound of the engine. Leah and Mark and Jake and Embry were all grinning. Sam, Emily, Jared, Kim, Quil and his girl all looked a touch startled and I realised that I hadn't spoken to any of them since I'd been back in La Push. I was a little surprised Jake and Embry hadn't said anything, but they weren't gossips.

I climbed off the bike and removed the helmet, then slid my hand into Paul's as we headed towards them. Quil and Jared's eyes widened further and Jake laughed quietly as he looked at them.

"Hey, guys, long time no see," Paul said. "What's wrong, Jared? You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

"You and _Seth?_" Jared managed to say.

"Hey, what's wrong with me?" I protested, trying not to grin.

"I think he meant what the hell are you doing with Paul?" said Quil. "What _are_ you doing with Paul?"

"Dating...amongst other things," I told him.

"But you're in Portland," he said dumbly.

"Yes, I'm just a hologram of myself," I laughed. "It's a long story."

"I'll leave you to tell it and get some beers," Paul said and kissed my ear before he walked off. I gave the pair of them a brief outline of me finding out Portland wasn't for me and Paul coming to my rescue, following which we had spent time together almost every day.

"Paul doesn't date," said Jared, glancing over his shoulder at Paul as he stood talking to Sam and drinking beer.

"He does now," I said smugly. "I guess he just hadn't found the right guy before."

"Seth, you don't know what you're getting into," Quil told me.

"Yeah, I do. I know what he's really like."

"Just don't annoy him, you'll probably get a fist in the face," Jared told me. "Sorry, Seth, I don't want to upset you, but have you really thought about this?"

"Only for the last three years," I smiled. "Don't worry about it. He's always looked out for me. Even that day he punched you after his Dad died."

"I just don't want to see you end up getting hurt," said Jared. "I mean, I like Paul - sometimes - but he can be an asshole."

"Not to me."

"Jared!" Sam interrupted at that moment. "Get over here and help me light this damned thing, will you?"

I laughed as he gestured at the barbeque. Sam had never been able to get it to light without using about a gallon of gas which usually resulted in the whole thing being engulfed in flames for several minutes afterwards. Jared went off to help and Paul returned to me with the beers. Quil went back to his girlfriend and Jake and Embry came over to us then for a chat.

"Good to see you both here," Jake said.

"Yeah, right," snorted Paul.

"Don't be so standoffish, will you? I don't give a damn what happened in the past. If you're seeing Seth then I guess that makes you a friend of mine too, unless you're going to throw it back in my face," Jake told him.

"I'm sorry," Paul said after a moment and followed it up by offering his hand. Jake shook it and Embry did likewise a moment later. I beamed at them both. They stayed talking to us for a while, until Paul finished his beer and went to get another. Then Jake and Embry wandered off to and I stayed where I was, gazing at Paul where he stood with his back to me and smiling to myself. He was wearing one of those skimpy tank tops he liked which showed off his muscles and tattoos. He was so handsome and so hot and he was mine! I knew I was grinning like a fool and probably drawing strange glances from a couple of people, but I couldn't help myself.

"Seth!" A hand clapped down on my shoulder and the sudden shock made me freeze. The half full bottle of beer slipped from my hand and bounced onto the grass and I dodged sideways, ducking involuntarily.

"Woah, shit!" I squealed and spun around to see who had crept up on me. I had thought that after the last week I was ok; I hadn't been in the least worried, even when I walked between home and Jake's by myself, but now my heart was thumping wildly and I broke out in a sweat. I looked up at Collin and Brady, whose faces now showed alarm at my reaction to them.

_"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"_ roared Paul, appearing at my side in a second. His fists were raised and clenched, muscles bunched up, his face furious. I knew he was about to take a swing at Collin, even as the boy began to back away.

"Paul, it's fine, calm down," I said.

"What the hell are you doing, creeping up on him?" Paul snarled, ignoring me.

"Paul! Jesus, settle down." Jared hurried over to us and Collin and Brady both backed away further.

"You're fucking crazy, man," Brady said.

Paul growled fiercely and advanced on him and I quickly stepped in front of him, pressing my hands against his chest.

"Stop it," I said softly. "It's fine, he didn't know it would freak me out."

He looked down at me then and the anger began to leave his face as he unclenched his fists and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry," he said gruffly. "You yelled out and ducked and I thought...hell knows what I thought."

"He just startled me." I hugged him back, realising I was shaking.

"Paul, you are such a jerk," Jared said.

Paul ignored him and steered me across the grass to a tree where he sat down with his back to the trunk and then pulled me down between his knees. I leaned back against his chest and he folded his arms around me.

"Are you ok, baby?" he said softly in my ear.

"Yes, I'm ok." I rested my hands over his where they were holding me.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I can't help being protective."

"I like protective," I said. "But maybe try not to attack everyone unless they actually earn it?"

He grinned sheepishly and kissed my cheek. "I'll try."

We stayed that way for a while, cuddling and watching the others until Sam began piling pieces of chicken onto a plate next to the barbeque. The smell of it was making my mouth water.

"Do you want another beer?" Paul asked suddenly.

"Yes, please. Looks like the food is almost ready too."

"What do you want? Steak or chicken?" He let me go and stood up.

"Both, I'm starving."

While he was at the barbeque talking to Sam and waiting to get the food, I got up and went to speak to Collin and Brady who were hovering a little distance away, clearly not daring to come anywhere near Paul.

"Hey," I said. "Sorry about earlier."

"I didn't mean to make you jump," Collin said.

"I wouldn't have normally. I had some shit happen at college. I got beaten up pretty badly and it fucked my head up; I ended up too scared to even go outside. Paul helped me, but he's real over-protective now."

"Shit, that's rough," Brady said. "Obviously you're not over it."

"I thought I was. I guess I'm still jumpy."

"You're seeing Paul?" Collin asked now.

"Yeah."

"I know you always wanted him. But he's a bit of a live wire; aren't you worried he might go for you if you fall out?"

"He wouldn't hurt me," I said. "He's a sweetheart."

Both their eyebrows rose and I couldn't help laughing.

"Seth!" Paul called out to me as he headed back towards the tree with two plates and some more bottles of beer.

"I'll see you later," I told Collin and Brady and went to join Paul. Once again he didn't look happy.

"What's up?" I asked.

"What are you talking to him for? He's your ex," he said sourly, passing me a plate of steak, chicken, rice and salad.

"He's always been my friend. And I owed him a bit of an explanation for what happened earlier."

Paul sighed heavily. "I'm sorry," he said for the third time. "I'm too jealous and possessive for my own good."

"There must be a reason for it," I said. "You don't really think I'd go off with someone else, do you?"

"No. Maybe." He put his plate down on the ground and I did the same before I moved closer to him and slid my arms around his neck. He hugged me back. "I guess there is a reason for the way I am. Two actually; my Mom and my Dad."

"Tell me," I said.

"They divorced when I was eight. You knew what my Dad was like; angry, violent, drunk a fair bit of the time. Their relationship was pretty volatile. I remember them screaming at each other when I was a kid; in fact that's about all I do remember. She couldn't deal with his temper and his moods and she started having an affair. He found out and half killed the guy. She left the next day and I haven't seen her since. After that he was mad, jealous, drunker than ever and he never got into anything more serious than one night stands, in case they did the same thing to him that Mom did. So before you, I was exactly the same. I didn't want to turn into him."

"Oh, Paul," I groaned. "That must have been hell."

"Yeah, well, it's over, I guess, but I still see my Dad in me and it freaks me out. I'm crazy about you and I suppose I expect you to eventually walk away with somebody else, just because my Mom did it."

"I'm not going to do that," I said firmly. "I love you. I think I fell for you when you kissed me back in the tent. You're stuck with me, Paul, however jealous and possessive and bad-tempered you are. I'm just going to keep on reminding you there's no reason for you to be like that."

"You're amazing," Paul said, smiling again. "I don't know what the hell I did to deserve you, but it must have been something good."

I grinned and brushed my lips against his, intending it to be a light kiss, but he immediately deepened it. It was a couple of minutes before we broke apart and I edged away a few inches and grabbed my plate again, noticing several of the others staring with a mixture of amused and concerned expressions. I imagined it was going to take them a while to get used to seeing me with Paul.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

When I went to bed that night, I lay awake for a while thinking about what happened at the barbeque. After what Paul had told me about his parents and his fear that his behaviour would drive me away, I found I only loved him more and I wanted to be with him every minute. I couldn't wait for the next few months to pass so that he could get his house back for us to share. I smiled to myself as I thought about waking up with him every morning, coming home to him every night, eating dinner together, going to sleep together. I could hardly believe he had suggested we live together, but it had immediately filled me with excitement.

However, there was something else I needed to address first. I had really thought I was over my attack, but clearly I wasn't. Poor Collin had got a hell of a scare when Paul almost hit him and I knew I had to make myself move on from it; I couldn't go jumping out of my skin every time someone came near me without warning me first. The worst thing was that I knew if I was out alone and I really did get some trouble again, it would be exactly the same as it was before – I wouldn't have a hope in hell of defending myself.

I pondered on what to do for the best over the next few days and by the weekend I had made my mind up. Paul took me out for dinner and to the movies on Saturday night and when I woke up with him on Sunday, I broached my idea to him.

"Paul, will you do something for me?"

"Sure; what?"

"Teach me to fight."

"What the hell for?" His eyes widened and his brow wrinkled slightly.

"Because I'm useless at it; because I want to be able to defend myself if something happens in the future and you're not there."

"I'll always be there," Paul said firmly.

"You can't be with me every second of the day. What if some jerk jumps me again? I know twice is really bad luck and a third time would be pretty unlikely, but you never know. Wouldn't it be better if I could do something about it if I had to rather than keep freaking out when anybody gets near me?"

"Yeah, I guess," said Paul. "I just don't want to turn you into me; you're not a violent person, Seth."

"Well, I wouldn't be putting it into practise unless I absolutely had to," I said. "Please."

He grinned now. "I love it when you beg."

"I'm being serious."

"Be serious later." He pulled me closer to him and slid one hand down to my butt, probing one finger gently into me. "I want to hear some more begging."

"God, Paul," I groaned, immediately beginning to stiffen. He was already hard, as usual, and now he ground himself against me and nibbled at my bottom lip, making all thoughts of fighting go right out of my head. I hooked my leg over him and slid onto my back, grunting softly as his weight landed on me, his lower body resting between my legs. He drew his head back and grinned wickedly, withdrawing his finger and lifting himself up slightly so that his erection bumped mine gently, teasingly.

"Stop it," I protested, thrusting myself up under him. "You're a tease."

"I just want you to beg."

"Please," I moaned. "Fuck me...please...now!"

"You know, I don't think I will." He pulled away from me and sat back on his heels between my knees, stroking himself and chuckling.

"Damn you," I muttered. "Well, two can play at that game."

I grasped myself and began to run my hand up and down my shaft, cupping my balls in the other hand and squeezing lightly. Paul licked his lips and watched until I took my hand off my balls, pulled my knees up and reached down to slide two fingers into myself. Many nights alone I had done that in the absence of having Paul there to do it for me and now I smirked to myself as his eyes widened and his dick twitched impatiently.

"Sure you don't want to fuck me?" I taunted. "You know how you love it...how tight and hot I am...all slippery with lube..."

"Fuck!" Paul hissed, reaching out to squeeze some lube into his hand. He slicked it onto his erection and lowered himself over me, supporting his weight on his elbows. I pulled my fingers out and wrapped them around him instead, guiding him, letting him push against me until the head of his dick slid in before I tensed my muscles and shoved him out quickly. Paul growled his frustration into my ear and I giggled softly.

"Come on, Seth, Jesus," he groaned.

"I told you two can play this game," I reminded him.

"Please, stop teasing me."

I guided him into me again and this time let his full length plunge in, filling me, and pulled my legs up to wrap around his waist.

"I just wanted to hear you beg too," I whispered.

He bit my ear gently and then began to thrust vigorously into me, shoving me into the mattress and sending both of us towards another rapid and enthusiastic finish. Afterwards, he pulled out of me, gave me a light kiss on the lips and sat up again.

"Right, come on, get up," he said.

"What?" I panted. "Right now?"

"Yes. Shower, then fighting lessons."

I groaned. "Did I really say I wanted to learn to fight? I've no strength left in my limbs."

"Too bad." He slid off the bed, grasped my hand and pulled me up. "Just promise you won't go decking everyone at Sam's if they startle you. The guys will hate me even more than they already do." He grinned now as he led me into the bathroom.

We showered and dressed and then Paul dug out some boxing mitts and pads from a cupboard and shoved them into a bag.

"We'll go down to the beach," he said. "I don't want my apartment smashing up."

"Where did you get these?" I grabbed one of the mitts and tried it on for size; it fit as if it had been made for me.

"My Dad got them when I was a kid so he could teach me to fight. Good thing I hung onto them, huh?"

We grabbed a quick breakfast of toast and then took the truck down to the beach at La Push. A two hour training session followed, beginning with Paul teaching me how to block and deflect punches and lunges and use the momentum of a potential attacker against them. After this, I donned the mitts, he held up the pads and instructed me on punching. My arms, unused to such activities, soon began to ache, but I persevered determinedly, keen to impress Paul and to make sure I didn't end up in the same situation I had already found myself twice before.

We were finishing up with techniques for escaping a choke hold when suddenly Jake and Embry appeared and made a beeline for us, both clearly astonished to see Paul attempting to strangle me and me trying, not very skillfully at that point, to get free.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jake demanded.

Paul let go of me and I laughed loudly.

"Jake, your face is priceless! Paul's just teaching me to look after myself."

"Oh! Well, I guess that's good. Just in case."

"Yeah, it was my idea," I told him. "Collin really freaked me out last week and he didn't even do anything. It made me realise I'm going to keep on being nervous if I think guys can get the better of me."

"Seth, not everyone's a homophobic dickhead looking for a victim," Jake pointed out.

"I know that, but I managed to come across three of them so far. Paul was there the first time, but he's not always going to be. So I want to be able to put the fuckers on their asses if it ever happens again. Just knowing I can will make me feel better anyway."

"Cool," Embry said then. "I wouldn't mind learning some self defense myself at the very least. Maybe you should have classes, Paul."

"Hey, I don't want to turn all the kids on the reservation into a bunch of little thugs," Paul grinned. "But if you want to join in, I guess we'll be doing this a few more times."

"Sure, maybe I'll do that," said Embry.

"Em, what do you want to start fighting for?" Jake said in surprise.

"Same reason as Seth. Nothing's happened to me so far, but it doesn't mean it won't."

And so the following Sunday, Paul and I were down on the beach again, this time accompanied by Jake and Embry. Jake was well enough equipped to disable the most determined attacker and simply watched, while Embry and I sparred and and practised the techniques I had already learned, including some shoulder throws and other things. I found it great fun and so apparently did Embry. We continued the sessions for a few more weeks until both of us were capable of escaping even Paul's most determined strangle hold and deflecting the hardest punch and throughout, my confidence in myself increased dramatically.

I was put to the test the weekend before my seventeenth birthday when I was walking home from Jake's. My job had long since been made permanent and I had spent most of my saved wages on a rusty old heap of a car from a junkyard that Jake was helping me to fix up in slack periods, but in the meantime I continued to walk to and from work. It was Friday night and we had worked late to complete an urgent job on a truck. I had sent Paul a text to tell him I wouldn't be finishing until seven and he intended to drive over to see me later in the evening.

I sauntered along the road, hands in my pockets, my heart thumping with excitement at the thought of seeing Paul in an hour's time. The thrill hadn't lessened at all in the eleven weeks we had been together; if anything it had only increased. I began to grin to myself as I thought of him and how much I loved him.

"_Boo!"_

The voice was loud in my ear and a hand smacked lightly onto my shoulder from behind. I hadn't even heard footsteps approaching. I yanked my hands out of my pockets, curling them into fists as I spun around on the balls of my feet and took a swing at the person behind me. What stupid jerk was trying to scare me? Because it hadn't worked. Not this time. Paul's training had worked a treat. My pulse sped up a touch, but that was all.

"Embry! What the fuck are you doing?" I gasped when he dodged sideways, hands raised to deflect the punch which I managed to rein in at the last second.

"I'm so sorry, Seth, are you ok?"

"I'm fine. But what was that about?" I asked, lowering my hands.

"I'm really sorry," he said again. "It was a test. It's all very well knowing how to defend yourself, but you have to actually have the nerve to do something when the time comes. I think I'd have lost half my teeth there if I'd have been someone else. Are you sure I didn't freak you out though? Paul asked me to pounce on you one day. I said it was a stupid idea, but..."

I began to laugh. "Paul put you up to this? Em, stop babbling, I'm ok. It didn't even startle me. It's really cool you did that actually, because it proves I'm over it. I was more worried about being scared than anything else. You do know I'm going to get you back for this though. You better be ready."

Embry grinned now. "Yeah, I expected that. Don't be mad with Paul, will you? He said if you're expecting to be attacked, like when we're training, it's too easy to think you're invincible."

"Oh, I'm sure I can think of a way to punish him without getting mad," I smirked.

I continued on my way home a few minutes later, cleaned up and changed clothes and then waited for Paul to arrive. We went out in the truck, grabbed pizza and went to our favourite parking spot on the beach since it was now dark. I proceeded to torment him to the best of my ability for some time with hands and tongue and confessed later, after much cursing and groaning from Paul, that I was merely getting him back for having Embry jump me.

That year my birthday fell on Wednesday and although I worked, Jake let me take off at lunchtime to spend the rest of the day with Paul who had no bookings that afternoon. I borrowed Jake's truck and drove into Forks, then spent the rest of the day in bed with Paul, even eating takeout there, followed by icecream which somehow ended up being smeared onto our bodies and enthusiastically licked off.

Paul had bought me two gifts – a leather jacket to wear in cooler or damp weather when we went out on his bike and a new and rather expensive looking wristwatch to replace my old battered and scratched one which I'd had since I was twelve. I was delighted with both, especially the watch when I noticed it was engraved on the back with, 'My Seth, all my love forever, Paul.'

Since I had Jake's truck and he wasn't bothered about getting it back that night, I stayed over with Paul and just left Forks early in the morning to get back to work, wearing both my new jacket and the watch to show off, although I took them off before I started work, rather than risk damaging them. Jake gave me the gift he and Embry had bought for me, which was delivered that morning from the garage's wholesaler in Forks – a new set of wheels to replace the damaged and rusty ones on my car, which must have set them back quite a bit and which I couldn't wait to fit. Mom and Leah had both given me money and I planned to use that for buying parts for the car as well.

On Sunday Paul came over in the morning to spend some time with me at home for once and informed me mysteriously that my birthday still wasn't over. Leah was out with Mark for the day and Mom busied herself in the kitchen for a while, closing the door for some reason, until she emerged with a large basket with a lid which she gave to Paul.

"What's that?" I asked at once.

"You'll see. Thanks, Sue," Paul said and headed out of the door.

The basket turned out to be a picnic and included all my favourite foods and even some bottles of beer, much to my surprise. We walked down to the beach, spread out a rug in a secluded spot and spent the rest of the afternoon there, lounging on the rug cuddling and feasting on the picnic.

The weather stayed sunny all day for us and although a number of people came to the beach earlier in the day, by five o'clock we were the only couple left. Paul got to his feet then and pulled me up. We walked along the sand a little way, barefoot and holding hands, the waves lapping gently around our toes. I couldn't have wished for a better birthday week, but I found I was still in for a surprise.

"Fancy a swim?" Paul asked me.

"Yes, I wouldn't mind. It's still a bit cold, but...woah!" I shrieked as he suddenly scooped me up into his arms. "What the hell are you doing?" I wrapped both arms around his neck and held on tight. He was taking several alarming steps deeper into the water until the waves reached the bottoms of the shorts he was wearing.

"You said you wanted to go swimming," he grinned.

"Not in my clothes!"

"You know, you're no fun. How about I take them off for you then?"

"Just don't drop me," I said. "Get out of the water."

"I'm not going to drop you." He held me tighter and kissed my neck. "I am going in a little deeper though."

I just knew I was going to get wet; it was just like him to tease me and wind me up. I didn't particularly care about getting my clothes wet, I was only wearing a t-shirt and cut-offs, but pretending to protest worriedly was all part of the fun.

"Paul, put me down!" I exclaimed.

"Right here?"

"No!"

"Make your mind up, babe."

"Please put me down. Carefully," I said, leaning closer to nibble on his ear.

"Ok. Since you ask so nicely." To my surprise he took a few steps backwards until the water was only lapping around his calves, but then he dropped slowly into a crouch, balancing me on his lap before letting himself sink backwards with a splash, his butt hitting the sand and the sea immediately soaking me to the waist.

"Oh, you dick," I groaned. "Now I have wet pants."

"Yeah, but don't you think it'd be fun to fool around in here?"

"We'll probably get sprung."

"No, we won't. Everyone's fucked off."

He slid me off his lap, dumping me on my back and I found myself almost submerged except for my head, his arm resting under my neck as he rolled over onto me. It reminded me of those movies where the hero and...hero...wrestle in the waves and end up romping, looking all hot and beautiful with the waves lapping over them. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes as he began to kiss me, his body resting between my thighs and his obvious arousal grinding against my own. I moaned into his mouth, the whole situation turning me on beyond belief; I didn't even care if anyone was watching.

He pulled his mouth away from mine moments later and I opened my eyes to meet his. He was using both arms to hold his weight up and support my neck so we didn't get a ducking.

"Unfasten my pants," he said huskily.

Smiling, I removed my arms from his neck and reached down. The shorts had a single button and then a zipper and I released them quickly. Immediately his erection burst out into my hands and I grasped it firmly.

"No underwear? Paul!"

He grinned wickedly.

"Were you planning this?"

"Uh huh."

Still gripping him, stroking slowly, I began to undo my cut-offs. I was wearing jersey shorts underneath and I pushed them down, releasing my dick and gasping as it came into contact with both Paul's and my own hands. I slid my hands up and down both of them together, moaning at the hard heat of him against me and the cool water around my hot flesh.

"God, you have no idea how much I want to fuck you right now," Paul groaned.

"Probably about as much as I want you to fuck me." I increased the speed of my hand movements, jacking us both of vigorously under the surface of the water. I knew I wasn't going to last long and he was right with me, shuddering against me and then quickly sitting back on his heels and pulling me upright as a deeper wave rolled up the beach.

"Shit, tide's coming in," he smirked. "Just in time."

"I have no idea how we're going to explain being soaking wet to my Mom," I said.

"She said she was going out tonight, she's probably not there," Paul told me.

"Since when did you know Mom's movements better than me?"

"Since I asked her to fix that picnic." He stood up now and grabbed my hand to help me to my feet.

"Well, at least we can get in the shower and get some fresh clothes on then."

We gathered up the rug and picnic basket and walked back to the house, leaving a trail of water behind us. Luckily we didn't run into anyone on the short journey and I was relieved to see Mom's car was missing from the driveway. However, Mark's car was there and when I opened the door I could immediately hear him and Leah talking in the kitchen.

"Oh, shit," I muttered.

"Seth, is that you?" Leah appeared at once, her eyes widening when she saw us dripping on the porch. "What the hell have you been doing?"

"Um...swimming," I said sheepishly.

"Hell, Seth, I thought you'd grown up," she chided. "Don't come in here like that, you'll soak everything. I'll bring some towels."

We were at the back of the house, mostly out of sight of the neighbours, and we stripped off quickly and wrapped towels around ourselves before going indoors to use the shower and dry off properly. Mark was actually about to take Leah out for dinner and had only come back so she could change her clothes. They left us to it within minutes and for the first time we were able to take advantage of the empty house and make love in my bed. Paul seemed a little surprised when I produced a bottle of lube from a drawer, one I had ordered online some time ago for just such an occasion, as well as the many times I liked to pleasure myself and imagine he was with me.

It was just a shame that Mom could be back at any moment and we reluctantly dragged ourselves away from each other afterwards, cleaned up and dressed, Paul in a pair of my jog pants which were the only pants I had which would fit his larger frame. He stayed for another hour and then rescued his wet clothes from the yard, threw them into the truck and made to leave, just as Mom's car came into view. He dived into the truck quickly.

"Can't let your Mom see me like this," he grinned and I peered into the cab, eyeing the obvious shape of his privates unrestrained by underwear in my slightly tight jog pants. I sniggered now.

"See you tomorrow?" I said.

"You can count on it." He leaned out of the window to kiss me. "I love you, Seth."

"I love you too."

I watched as he reversed off the drive to make way for Mom's car and drove away up the road.

"How was the picnic?" she asked as she followed me into the house.

"It was great, thanks, Mom," I said.

"You know, I was wrong about Paul," she told me. "He's clearly good for you. I had my doubts, but you're so obviously happy that I'm glad for you."

"Are you saying you approve of my choice now?" I asked in surprise.

"I guess I am. Leah does too, although I don't suppose she'll ever admit it."

I beamed and gave her a hug. They accepted me being with him and it told me that in a year when I went to live with him, I would have their blessing.

"No, she always loved to hate Paul," I grinned.


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I had thought the next year would pass slowly as I longed for Paul to move back to La Push, but with so much going on it flew by. I continued seeing him at least five days a week and invested in a webcam for my laptop so that on the days we weren't together, we could still see each other. With the addition of the webcam also came a sturdy wedge to shove under my door so that we could play and I wouldn't have to worry about Mom or Leah barging in and catching me with my dick in my hand and an image of Paul in the same state on my computer screen in front of me.

In August Mark had Mom make one of her picnics for him and Leah, took her off somewhere for the day in his car and returned with her beaming from ear to ear and flashing a huge diamond on her left hand. They planned to get married on Valentine's Day the next year and thus followed a constant panic as she went through an enormous list of tasks to accomplish in the six months before the big day – ordering cars, flowers, cake, reception venue, entertainment, catering and finding a dress which Mom helped her with. It seemed never ending and during that time Sam and Emily slipped away to New York and came back as Mr and Mrs Uley, preferring to have done it discreetly rather than make a huge day of it. However, their big announcement came a month later when Emily revealed she was four months pregnant.

I continued working for Jake and decided to make my career as a mechanic. I was loving it, I now had my car on the road, mostly down to my own hand with a little help from Jake and I couldn't think of anything I would rather do so I made it permanent and when my first year was up, Jake increased my wages to two-seventy-five a week.

Mark bought a house in La Push and then proceeded to take Leah shopping on a weekly basis, giving her free rein on the choice of furniture and soft furnishings, which once she would have loathed, but now came home each time smiling and telling Mom and I in vivid detail about the new curtains she ordered or the sofas she chose. She seemed completely different to the way she had been a couple of years before, except for the fact that she still called me 'squirt' and did her best to get up my nose on occasion.

The wedding went off without a hitch, much to everyone's relief. The last thing anybody wanted was some disaster turning Leah into Bridezilla on her big day, but she drifted around gracefully in her floor length ivory satin dress looking every bit the lady and behaving as such. Afterwards Mark whisked her off in his car to the airport for their two-week honeymoon in Hawaii, which was the one thing she had known nothing about until the reception came to an end.

In March Emily's baby was born – an eight pound boy whom they decided to name Samuel Seth, much to my complete surprise and delight, and I promised to be the one to teach him football and how to fix a car when he was old enough.

Jake and Embry moved in together in March too. They had been planning it for long enough, but didn't want to saddle themselves with an enormous mortgage until they had a decent deposit saved. However, Embry's Mom suddenly announced she was moving back to Neah Bay where they had come from when Embry was a baby. She had been in contact with some old friends there and met a man she wanted to be with, so she gave the house to Em and Jake and signed the mortgage over to them, which wasn't a very large one and made things a whole lot easier for them. I helped them move Jake's stuff in one weekend and quickly made myself scarce when the last box was unloaded and it looked as if they were barely able to restrain themselves from pouncing on each other a minute longer.

Paul's tenants left at the end of April and he immediately moved back to La Push. It was then that everyone else's excitement faded into the background and I was able to concentrate on my own again.

"Do you want to move in with me right away, or would you rather wait until you're eighteen?" he asked me as we lay in his bed cuddling after a particularly vigorous session of love-making the day after he moved back.

"Are you kidding? I'd go and pack up all my stuff now if I had the energy," I grinned.

"You're sure about this, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I've always been sure. I'll keep on reminding you until we're ninety if you want."

"You had better," he smiled. "Is your Mom going to be ok with it?"

"She'll be fine. I already talked to her the minute your tenants moved out. She's glad to see me happy. Yes, even with you."

"Hey, what do you mean, 'even with me'? I haven't even punched anyone in a year," he laughed. "That's your fault, you know, you've turned me soft."

"You were always soft when it came to me," I teased.

"Yeah, I guess you have a point." He kissed me warmly. "So when are you going to move in then?"

"Tomorrow," I said at once. "It won't take long; I don't have much to move. I'll load everything up as soon as I finish work."

In the end I didn't even have to wait until the end of the day. I was in such a state of excitement and grinning like an idiot from the minute I arrived at the garage, that Jake let me go early when I told him I was moving in with Paul that night. Although it was a busy day we weren't flat out and he told me to go home and get packed at two o'clock. So by the time Paul returned from the tattoo studio I had just parked Jake's truck on his drive with all my things loaded in the back and was using the spare key he had already given me to let myself in. He parked up behind me on the drive and pounced on me before I got through the door.

"How'd you get here so early?"

"Jake let me finish at two," I grinned. "I couldn't contain myself. He must have thought I'd won the lottery or something, the way I was smiling."

"Glad to know you're so excited to be here." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the porch. "Let's get your stuff inside; looks like it's about to rain."

It took us a couple of hours to unpack my things and put them away. I loved hanging my clothes away in Paul's wardrobe beside his, putting my toiletries in the bathroom cabinet in the empty half he had left for me and stashing my boots and shoes on the vacant rung of the shoe rack in the hallway. It felt like home immediately and for our first night together, we ordered takeout and then fell into bed early, although it was very late before we actually got any sleep.

The next day it was with great reluctance that I dragged myself away to work, only arriving on time because I had Jake's truck to return. Paul had a late booking that evening and wouldn't be home until after eight, so I spent the afternoon grilling Jake on suggestions for dinner. He and Embry shared the cooking at their place and he suggested I make something simple to start with, like steak.

"You know how he eats it, obviously," he said.

"Yeah, dripping with blood. Yuk," I grimaced.

"So fry it. Cook yours first so it's done and then do his for maybe a minute on each side. Throw some potatoes in the oven to bake - the size of your fist takes about ninety minutes - and chop some salad. Easy."

When I finished work I headed over to the supermarket for my first ever food-buying trip without Mom dragging me around. It probably took me forty minutes to get everything I wanted and then I ran into Sam in the baby aisle picking up diapers.

"Seth! What are you doing in here?" he said in surprise.

"Buying food, what's it look like?" I smirked. "I'm cooking dinner. For Paul."

"Wow. I forgot you were moving in with him. Good luck with that." He gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I'm just kidding, I really hope it works out. You know, he changed a lot since you've been together. He's nearly always in a good mood lately."

I grinned at him. "Yeah, I know. So, can you do me a favour? I really wanted beer to go with this dinner, but they'll never serve me in here."

"Alright, just this once," Sam said obligingly. "He normally drinks Bud at our place; shall I get that?"

"No, get Coors, it's his favourite."

Sam grabbed a six-pack of bottles and I went off to the checkout to pay for the food. He caught up with me in the parking lot and I gave him the money for the beer, then excused himself quickly, saying Sam Junior was getting through diapers like a champion and they were down to the last one.

I hurried home too, put potatoes in the oven, made the salad and then took a shower. By the time Paul returned at eight-fifteen, I was just about to begin frying my steak.

"Wow, what's this?" He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Dinner. Thought you might like it if I cooked something." I grabbed one of the beers from the refrigerator and passed it to him. "Luckily I ran into Sam in the store, otherwise we wouldn't have had these."

"You're amazing," Paul grinned. "I could get used to this."

"What, you coming home to me cooking your dinner? Don't get too used to it, I only know how to cook steak," I laughed, throwing one of the pieces of meat into the pan.

"You know I like it..."

"Raw, I know. Yours is going in at the last minute. Stop interfering." I pushed him away and he backed off and leaned against the kitchen counter, watching while I finished cooking the steaks and rescued the potatoes from the oven, delighted to find that they were done perfectly.

We ate with the plates on our laps on the sofa, our feet on the coffee table and beers beside us, a movie on the television. Afterwards Paul threw the dishes into the dishwasher, grabbed some more beers and we spent the rest of the evening snuggling on the sofa, missing most of the movie and eventually switching the set off and heading for bed.

The few weeks leading up to my eighteenth birthday passed in the same blissful manner, waking up together every morning, coming home to each other every night and taking turns to make dinner or order in. Saturdays we usually ate out and Sundays we often hung out at Sam's. All of the others got on with Paul better than they had before and Quil mentioned once that I had obviously changed him for the better.

Sam and Emily threw a party for my eighteenth, although since my actual birthday was a Thursday, the party was Friday night. Sam's Mom had taken Sam Junior for the night so that the noise wouldn't bother him and Emily made a huge buffet for everybody. I got a bunch of great gifts from everyone, although I knew I had to wait until Sunday to get Paul's main present. I had asked him to tattoo me and he told me he had plans for Saturday night which would be spoiled if I was sore from being inked.

His plans turned out to be lunch in a restaurant, followed by a trip out in the truck, which had something mysterious in the back covered by a tarp. We drove off to the woods and parked up in a similar spot to the one everyone had started from on that camping trip four years ago.

"Are we camping?" I said in delight. Somehow since we'd been together we hadn't gone camping alone, although we had joined in various weekend trips with some of the others the previous summer.

"Yeah," Paul grinned. "Thought it might bring back some memories."

"I always wondered what would have happened if Leah hadn't burst in," I said.

"Nothing. You were too young; but I was horny as hell," Paul admitted.

"So was I. I would have let you do anything you wanted," I smirked at him.

"What a damn waste. Still, we can make up for it tonight."

He removed the tarp from the tent and double sleeping bag and a large backpack containing various other items. I grabbed the backpack, Paul collected the other items and we began hiking up the mountain to the usual camping place. Three hours later the tent was up and Paul was pumping up the double air bed he had brought, with a foot pump while I gathered wood to build a fire so we could boil water for coffee. None of us had ever believed in gas stoves and all the modern camping gear – proper fires, water gathered from the creek and roughing it were much more fun. I was a little surprised he had brought the air bed actually, but it would certainly be more comfortable when I was on my back under him.

We had brought some snacks for the evening, but having had lunch out we weren't particularly hungry – only for each other. By six o'clock the tent was zippered up and we were snuggling in the giant sleeping bag on top of the air bed, which proved almost as good as a normal bed, at least in the beginning.

We were already naked and began to lazily stroke our hands over each other's bodies, kissing softly and quickly becoming aroused as always. I pulled away from Paul's hands then, folded back the top of the sleeping bag and crouched lower to take him in my mouth. I loved the taste of him; the steely hardness of him beneath skin as soft as velvet. I wrapped my fingers around him, cupping his balls in the other hand and began to slide my hand up and down his shaft, following the movement with my mouth, deep enough so that he hit the back of my throat each time I lowered my head.

He squirmed beneath me, his hands gripping the edges of the air bed, neck arched back as he gasped and groaned and thrust himself faster into my hand and my mouth. As I felt his balls begin to tighten in my hand and the base of his dick swell, I took my hand and mouth off him and tugged gently on his balls instead.

"Oh, fuck, Seth, don't stop now!" he groaned, panting for breath.

"Don't gasp like that, breathe slowly," I grinned, remembering what he had said to me that first time he touched me. I knew I was tormenting him and I loved every second of it. He did it to me often enough.

"Breathe slowly...fuck..." he growled.

"Humour me. It's my birthday weekend." I bent low again and kissed the head of his dick lightly as it twitched impatiently in front of me.

"Jesus," Paul said through his teeth. "You're killing me here."

"You love it." I grasped him again and ran my tongue lightly down his length, then worked my way back up, scraping gently with my teeth until I reached the head and let it slip back into my mouth. Once I resumed rubbing and sucking, he came in about thirty seconds, thrusting himself deeper into my throat and flooding me with his fluid. I swallowed a few times and then lay down beside him again, grinning as he groaned and panted.

"You are such a fucking tease," he hissed. "You know you're going to get it as soon as I get my breath back."

"I hope so."

It didn't take him long to recover and once again I was in for a surprise. He began torturing me with his hands and tongue for what seemed like an interminable length of time, repeatedly abandoning my erection and leaving it twitching and aching while he teased my balls and my ass instead and twice my own hands reached down to rub myself, agonised and impatient for release.

"You know, I'm going to have to do something about this constant need of yours to jack yourself off," Paul said eventually, sitting up.

"What?" I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "Just let me come, will you? Please."

"When I'm good and ready." He grasped my wrists now in one of his hands, holding them together above my head and before I knew what was happening, he was wrapping what felt like a guy rope around them, tying them together.

"No! Paul, don't," I protested. I wasn't scared – nothing he ever did scared me – but I did feel a little anxious.

"Sshh." He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. "Trust me, baby, I won't hurt you."

"I know that."

"Then relax."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again. I knew all I was in for was a longer session of torment where I would be incapable of doing anything to help myself. With my hands secured and the rope fastened to part of the tent so I couldn't move them from above my head, he turned his attention back to my erection, running a lube-covered hand up and down it and making me shiver, then taking his hand away again and instead sliding a finger into me...then another...then a third.

"Oh, God," I groaned.

"Does that hurt?"

"No." I shook my head and ground my teeth together. "Please..."

"Please, what?"

"Jack me off."

His free hand touched me lightly and I thrust myself up into it. His hand tightened, but he held it still and I groaned loudly.

"Paul, please, you've had your fun..."

"You love it. Isn't that what you said to me?"

"Yes. I didn't mean it."

I opened my eyes and looked at him, kneeling there between my thighs, his own dick standing straight up again as if he hadn't just shot his load minutes earlier. He grinned wickedly and began moving his fingers inside me – in and out, slowly, while his hand on my erection didn't move. I squirmed and struggled, unable to do a thing about it with my hands tied together and fastened to the tent and he held out for a good few more minutes before he finally began to slide his hand up and down rapidly, making me spurt all over myself in seconds. When I lay panting and whimpering afterwards, almost in tears, he took his hands off me and lowered himself carefully onto me, reaching one hand up to untie me. I slid my arms around his neck and held on tight, my chest heaving with the effort of sucking enough air into my lungs. Paul kissed my ear and slid his arms under me.

"Are you ok?"

"God, yes." I grinned suddenly. "But you're going to regret bringing rope into the equation when we get home."

"Shit," muttered Paul. "I might have guessed."

He stayed still, his weight resting lightly on me, his hardness digging into my stomach, teasing me with gentle kisses until I was ready again, before pulling back just enough to cover himself in lube before guiding himself into me. After what had gone before, I expected him to be vigorous, rough almost, but he was gentle, each thrust slow enough for me to feel every inch of him pulling almost all the way out before sliding back in as deep as he could reach, one arm under me, holding me while his other arm stretched above my shoulder, gripping the edge of the air bed. When we came together, we simply stopped moving and lay still, panting and trembling, completely drained.

I didn't remember falling asleep. I guess Paul must have rolled off me and passed out beside me. When I opened my eyes it was daylight and something hard was digging into my left hip. For a moment I grinned, feeling Paul wrapped around me as usual, his front moulded to my back, but then I realised the discomfort was coming from the hip I was lying on. I shifted slightly and looked down. The air bed was flat – as a pancake – and there was a small rock under it which I had apparently been lying on since the air leaked out of it at some point during the night.

"Paul!" I turned over in his arms and grimaced as my other hip hit the rock.

"What?" he groaned, eyes still closed. Then he opened them suddenly. "I'm fucking uncomfortable."

"There's no air in the air bed," I smirked. "Either someone's nails went through it last night or we squashed it onto a sharp stone or something. I know I've been lying on one."

"Oh, shit." Paul sat up slowly, laughing. "I'm surprised it survived as long as it did, to be honest. We may as well head home. It's probably around six and I need a shower, I'm sticky as hell."

"Me too."

We dressed and packed up quickly, not even bothering with coffee and within a couple of hours we were back in the truck and heading home. After a soak in the bath, fresh clothes and breakfast, we unloaded the camping gear and trashed the air bed which did indeed have tears in it – one in the middle apparently from a stone and another smaller one at one edge where I remembered Paul gripping it as if his life depended on it while I tormented him.

A little later we drove into Forks to Paul's studio for me to get my much longed for tattoo. I had already spent hours looking through all the designs on the walls and in folders and decided what I wanted – a similar one to Paul's wolf. Its snarling face would cover the upper part of my arm above my bicep and I watched with interest as Paul made a copy of the design and transferred it onto my skin, then prepared small pots of each colour ink he would use.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

"Not really. It's more of a sort of scratchy burning sensation."

"Ok." I sat back in the chair and continued watching throughout the two and a half hours it took for Paul to make the wolf come alive. I was somewhat sore by the end of it, but nothing too bad and it looked amazing.

"You like it?" Paul asked as I peered at it in the mirror.

"I love it, thank you." I sat back down. "I love you. So I want one more. Just a little one."

"Already? Don't be too hasty," said Paul in surprise.

"It's not hasty, I've been planning it a long time," I said with a grin, turning my arm over to expose the under side of my wrist. "I want your name...right there."

"You know what a bad idea it is to have people's names tattooed on yourself?" Paul said, beaming none the less.

"Only if there's a chance you'll change your mind about them. I told you I'll still be with you when I'm ninety. Assuming we live that long."

"I hope we do. I don't want my life cutting short if I get to spend it all with you."

Paul swapped needles again for the finer one he used to ink outlines and again I watched as his name slowly appeared on my flesh, like a brand showing that I would always belong to him. When it was done he changed needles again for a fresh one of the same size.

"What are you doing now?" I asked curiously.

"Same as you. You'll have to help me out though." He laid his left arm on the table and demonstrated. "Hold the skin taut...like that...like you watched me do."

I did as he said and grinned goofily as an 'S' began to appear on his skin, followed by an 'e'. When my name was finished, he put the equipment down and slid his arms around me.

"There you go. Now we're always going to belong to each other," he smiled, giving me a kiss. I slid my arms around his neck and returned it warmly. I knew that I had belonged to him since that first night in the tent when I was fourteen – when we had our very first kiss.


End file.
